Post # 1
I was having a conversation with my stepmom (if I posted everytime her and I had a disagreement on ANY topic, I’d fill up the next 50 pages of threads or so).
But this one was a little different in that I’d like the opinion of the bees. Maybe this should go in family, but… We’ll see.
My SO and I have the next 9 years of our lives basically planned. Marriage in 2015. Him graduating dental school in 2016. Then, because of a military scholorship program, in which they’ll pay for your whole grad school, plus some extras, he will be joining the military for the next four years, until about 2020. We’ll probably be moving around a bit (he’ll be a captain, I believe, in the dental corps, I don’t have all those details). In 2020, I will be 30.
I told my stepmom, “I don’t want to have kids until we have a home where we are settled.”
As a child of divorce, I was transferred between 2, sometimes 3 different homes every week from age 4 to age 16. I hated it. I hated moving (I probably moved 6 times during those years).
My stepmom thinks that’s too old to have your first kid. (She also thinks SO and I need to get married in the next couple of months, so her opinion doesn’t affect mine THAT much).
But now I worry… Is 30 too old to have children? I hear plenty of bees talking about not getting married until post-30, and I’ve never thought it was that old, and I definitely didn’t think it was too old to be having kids, better than being 19 and having one (in my opinion due to school and financial circumstances, and not having met my SO until I was 20).
Post # 3
Well I sure hope not considering I turn 34 next month! seriously tho- it may become more difficult for some women after 35 but women have kids into their 40s.
Post # 4
@mamadingdong: My stepmom’s hero is the Duggar mom… No offense to women who want oodles of children, but it’s amazing I’m even considering it, since I never wanted a single child until I met my SO.
I think she’s just… I don’t know. She had her first at 22 (I can’t even imagine being a mom at this age!)
I hope nobody takes offense to anything I say. I don’t look down at anyone for having children younger, I just can’t imagine, me, having one at this age. I’m mature enough to realize I’m so immature still, and the idea of taking complete care of another life is overwhelming!
Post # 5
You do not need to worry about 30 being too old. You will have:
- A solid foundation for your family
- More life experience and knowledge
- Maturity for raising children
- Have the chance the prove your stepmom wrong 😉
Okay the last one counters the one before it, but I had my kid at 20 and I’m only 25 so I’M allowed to be immature 😉
I myself want more but I will most certainly be 30 before I have them. And theres NOTHING wrong with that.
Post # 6
Nope says the 31yr old with a 1 yr old and her only child. We’ve thought about trying for another in about 3 or 4 yrs. LOL It works for us.
Post # 7
I’m 32 and I had my son when I was 16. Since my son has one more year in high school and almost out of the house, my hubby and I are working on more babies (he wants 3…yikes). I kind of feel like I will be an old mom but oh well. I think you can wait unitl like 35, no biggie.
Post # 8
@Cornmuffin09: Heck no 30 isnt too old!!! Things are different now than they were when our parents had kids. Look at how many “older” moms there are now….I think its better to have kids in your 30s. You are more stable then, and probably have more to offer a child.
Post # 9
@mrssoontobeh: This is kind of how I feel about it. I was just a bit confused. The past couple of years, not living at home anymore because of college, my opinions have been changing and I guess sometimes I still struggle with that.
Besides that, as a woman who was cheated on by her husband when she got married at 21, and then remarried my dad at 29, I feel like she’d be one of the people who would support us waiting. Who knows…
Post # 10
Is this for real?
We aren’t even considering children before age 30….nobody I know under the age of 33 has children except for the people who got pregnant in high school and never left my home town.
Live a little – THEN have kids!
Post # 11
I don’t think so. I’m 31, still no kids. We probably won’t TTC until I’m 32 at the earliest. We’ve been together for over a decade, but waited to establish our careers and get to a certain level of financial security before having kids. Honestly no matter what you do, someone will have a problem with it: either they will think you are “too old” or “too young”; either you are being “irresponsible” if you have kids when you don’t make much money or don’t have much of a career going yet, but if you wait to get established in your career, people will say you are too “materialistic” and have “the wrong priorities”. You can’t win.
Post # 12
I know many, many people who do not have kids until they are in their 30’s, and in my opinion, I think it’s for the best. I don’t know of anyone who would honestly say that they wished they had less time to be a couple, to be young and not responsible for another life, and all of the things that can be taken from you when you do have kids. “Wow! I wish I had kids when I was younger” is just probably not likely to be said. Enjoy your time alone and without that added responsibility. 30 is not too old to have a kid, heck, 35 isn’t too old to have a kid! I don’t think anything is “too old” until maybe you’re 50. I know people in their 40s who have just had their first baby — and while that can come with more risks, they are perfectly healthy, their kids are healthy, and they do not regret for one second having a kid at their age.
30 may have been old to our mom’s generation — but in this day and age, we do stuff differently, and 30 is “normal.” But, screw normal! Do what you want to do and when you want to do it. If it makes you happy, who is anyone else to care?
Post # 13
Whenever you feel ready to have kids is the right age to have kids. My mom had my brother at 20 and me at 22 and she wishes she had waited until she was 30 to have kids.
I personally would love a kid right this second, but I know its not the right time, so I’m shooting for maybe 25 (I’m 23 right now.)
Post # 14
The best age to start a family is when you and your husband are ready. It could be in your 20’s, your 30’s or your 40’s but the decision is what’s best for you. In your lifetime you will NEVER be able to please people…
* single “When are you going to settle down”?
* dating “When are you getting enganed”?
* engaged “When are you getting married”?
* Married “When are yougoing to start a family”?
* have 1 or 2 children “When are you having another”?
* have 5 or 6 “Why do you have so many”?
ARGGGHHHH!!!!! There’s no pleasing anyone. Do what you want and stuff a dirty sock down anyones throat that questions why you’re not living your life according to them!!!!
Post # 15
@crayfish: This is very real. She also knocks me for having had sex with my SO, for waiting to get married until he’s settled into his dental school routine. She thinks i should drop out of college and follow him wherever he goes and pop out her 20 dozen grandkids.
Post # 16
NO, 30 is not too old.
However, I will say that in your plan I might start having kids at 26. A kid is not going to notice moving between different houses/states until it is maybe 3-4. So if the baby fever hits and you have a kid in 2016, you will be settled somewhere by the time it enters kindergarten (2021). Just a thought.