Weddingbee boards

Hola Bees!

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about violence in entertainment. FI and I don't own very many DVDs, but he is one of those people who tends to watch the same 5 movies several times a year. Recently he purchased and has watched Pulp Fiction and Scarface several times.

Now, I don't necessarily mind violence in movies. I've always enjoyed action and war movies. But I'm finding that as I get older, my tolerance for violence itself as entertainment, as opposed to it being a part of the plot, is less and less.

Then I read this quote: "We have, it is clear, reached the lively dead end of a process that was initiated by a fretful Martin Scorsese and inflamed, with less embarrassed glee, by Tarantino: the process of knowing everything about violence and nothing about suffering." - Anthony Lane

Now, that is a little dense, but the way I read it it says that we all probably are exposed to far, far more violence as entertainment than we are exposed to its consequences.

Which gets me to my question: if you are going to have kids, how do you plan to handle violence in entertainment? Is it something your FI agrees on? Do you or he consume a lot of violent entertainment?

@beekiss2: I totally get what you are saying. That is why I think that I would be okay with a war movie before being okay with a video game like Grand Theft Auto. But that comes to one of my thoughts on this: sheltering kids from something like Grand Theft Auto or Kill Bill (now, I assume none of us would expose a 10 year old to either of these, just naming extremes) is not like sheltering them from reality. This kind of violence is unreality. It is fake and violence for its own sake. I think it is this sort of thing that really concerns me.

Totally agree with Angela 83! I would be more worried about my kid seeing a scary episode of on TV than a topless woman.

When it comes to violence on TV and video games, I honestly think it's ridiculous how much there is, but I also support the creator's right to make the programming. If it's out there, we just won't allow our kid to watch it, and wouldn't fault the creators. A PP mentioned that until they reach a certain age, kids aren't able to process situations like adults, and that's he main reason why we would "shelter" them a bit from violent programming. We plan on being very open parents and explaining things as realistically as possible, but if we can deter our kids from violence until a certain age, we will.

And, as others have said, we plan on eliminating TV/video games/computer time as much as possible. We plan to save those activities for rainy days when outdoor games aren't possible.

I definitely plan on “staggering” (is that the right word?) access to violet/sexual TV/movies. Neither FH or I play video games, so we should be able to dodge that bullet for a few years, but we do watch a fair amount of violent movies, which of course, are totally inappropriate for children. My mom outright banned programs and movies when we were little, which worked when we were really little (she used to just tell me and my brother that we “didn’t get that channel” and we believed her LOL boy we were naïve!), but that didn’t work when we were a little older.

Honestly, I’m more concerned with me and FH’s behavior, than with tv. Part of the reason we don’t hit dogs/pets to train them is that it shows that hitting (however lightly) is an acceptable form of training/way to get what you want. Same goes with spanking kids (I was spanked as a kid, have no “damage”, but it wasn’t a deterrent either, so it was a waste of time). I don’t want my kids to think hitting people/animals is an acceptable behavior or way to get what you want, or is what you do when you get angry. Screaming and yelling at each other in front of kids shows them that that is an acceptable and normal way to argue.

Kids do what they see in the home (for the most part) - which is why you hear so much "well, it's just what I know, it's how I was raised".

We don’t scream at each other as it is, it’s not how we argue, but that’s the kind of stuff I’m more worried about – I think those are the lessons kids pick up more easily – what YOU are doing, rather than what a “shoot ‘em up” action figure is doing. That said though, of course tv options will be limited, based on age/maturity/what they can handle, and music, art, outside activities and imagination games will be encouraged! :)

I agree with several posters that it's not necessarily about letting the child watch the program/movie or not, but about the way you communicate and raise your kid to understand that program.  With younger kids, when teaching them that it's fiction and only reserved for fiction isn't really an option, I will probably shelter my kids some. 

My parents wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons, Power Rangers or South Park.  I still don't watch any of those (well, not that I'd watch Power Rangers nowadays ).

This is something I feel needs to be handled on an individual basis.  No 2 kids are alike, not even 2 of your own.  They will have different rates of maturity and different mental processes, so those need to be evaluated and handled by the parents as they go.

We just had this conversation a few months ago. We plan on limiting what our children watch, but I can already tell we'll need to work out what we consider acceptable or not. Not between us, but regarding the stuff available. For example: I think South Park is pretty cut and dried as far as our sensibilities go. For goodness sake, it has a rating! But Wile-E-Cayote off a cliff...okay or no? (Personally I think it's hilarious, and think it would be fine as there are no cliffs around). What about Disney movies? It's an interesting concept.

i dont have kids and we arent planning on having kids but i can comment on how me and my sister were raised as opposed to what i see happening these days.

its like one of the PP said before - its really not the content the child views, its the context that the parent gives the child before viewing something and throughout their lives.

today parents like to use electronics as replacements for real parenting. and THAT is the problem. kids SHOULDNT be watching movies non stop or playing video games all the time. GET OUTSIDE. GO PLAY. GO LIVE!!!!

for years, we were sheltered in my home (didnt wear pants til middle school, watched very little tv...heck we couldnt even watch smurfs because of the satanic references) and when we finally DID get "clearance" to see stuff that was more "adult" we were prepared because our parents prepared us to realize what is fictional and what is real, as well as what is "acceptable behavior" in society.

so i think its all in how you deal with things.

but FWIW - i cant stand scarface, pulp fiction and all these other gratuitous violence films. little substance tons of crap personally...