(Closed) Children at our wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Have the kids at the wedding?
    Pay for a sitter and a house for 11 kids : (3 votes)
    18 %
    Leave it up to the parents : (4 votes)
    24 %
    Dont invite them at al : (9 votes)
    53 %
    Ceremony only, then to be collected after that at the parents own organisation : (1 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    If you don’t want kids, don’t invite them. End of story. It’s not fair to you to have you pay for babysitting (plus transport for the kids!). If people complain, feed them a line about space constraints.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9552 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Since your venue is kinda far away, I think it might be odd to invite the kids to the ceremony but not the reception. I can’t image any parent actually bringing their child to the ceremony and then getting a babysitter to come get them. It sounds like the best option for you is to nix kids all together. Providing a babysitter is a nice option, but I imagine that may be expensive and would need arranging. Or you could just let the kids come for the whole thing, but that doesn’t seem like something you’d like.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @kiwililly:  If you can find someone to watch the children, tell your guests they must leave them for the ceremony and reception. Rent them a large hotel room and leave movies, pizza, drinks, and tell them to bring games. Children get bored and weddings are expensive and sacred.

    It is unfair for those parents to impose on you like that. Tell them you respect their wishes but you must adhere to your budget.

    If it were distant cousins, I would say do an outright “no kids”. But since these are immediate family members, that would not go over well.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You can either invite or not invite–you cannot “half-invite,” and that goes for everyone, including children. (not to mention that your mom’s solution won’t save you much in terms of budget because “feeding them” involves $$$)

    The way it works is you have the right to decide you don’t want children at the wedding and to invite just their parents. But then parents have the right to decide whether or not they want to attend without their kids and can decline if they don’t want to. They don’t get to complain (although they might) about you not inviting their children; you don’t get to complain if the parents don’t come at all. 

    As a courtesy, you can spring for a babysitter, but bear in mind that expenses are expenses and if you can’t afford that, then it’s not something you should feel pressured to do (and some parents won’t be comfortable with just any old babysitter anyway). 

    Another option which *might* sweeten the deal is if you are having a morning-after brunch or something, you can open that event to the kids. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    8325 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I say invite them. They are your nieces and nephews not cousins etc!

    A wedding after all is about the start of a new family (in whatever form that will be) and you want to exclude close family members. 

    I also find it a bit flippant to say you will feel more relaxed whilst clearly these parents wont feel more relaxed. Imagine how the older children will feel being excluded from their aunts/uncles wedding- this could affect your relationship with these kids. Especially since kids see things more in black and white rather than grey so they may think Aunty Kiwililly doesn’t like me!

    I would seriously be concerned that my or my FI’s siblings may decline the invite tot eh wedding because they are uncomfortable leaving their children!

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m in a similar boat. I’m dreaming of a black tie wedding, and while there are no small children on my side…of course FI’s cousins have several. We’re planning on doing something out of town, so I think maybe that will discourage those with children old enough to require their own airplane seat…but for any super young ones I’m thinking of asking those cousins to help select an affordable babysitter they’d feel comfortable with to watch the kids back at the hotel. That way the kids are closeby and with their parents except for a few hours, and if the parents want to they can cut out of the the reception early. Maybe they’ll even offer to chip in..?

    All that being said, it really depends on the kids… but when I was a kid I know I’d much rather have  some popcorn and movie and some coloring supplies than go to an adult party. 

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