Weddingbee boards

We're having an issue with inviting children to the reception.  My family is tiny and the youngest person is going to be 19 from my side.  Friend-wise, we have 3 couples invited who will have toddlers, who will all be understanding about not bringing their kids.  On my fiance's side, there are 5 kids under 18 - his half-sister who will be 8 and in the wedding party, his step-sister who will be 15, and his 3 cousins who will be 13, 12 and 11.

The issue is that we really want his 15 year old step-sister there, but his 12 and 11 year old cousins are terrible.  They are extremely poorly behaved, and their parents do not keep them under control.  They constantly fight and run around.  We recently went to my fiance's grandparents' anniversary dinner at an EXTREMELY fancy restaurant.  They ran around, fought, and the 11 year old even kicked over a giant pedestal candle!  In addition, the 13 year old cousin is very well behaved but is from the same side of the family as the 12 and 11 year olds.  It would be difficult to have him invited but not the other two.

When my fiance asked his mother how old 13-year-old cousin was to see if we could have some sort of age cut off, she said "You can't invite the rest of that family and not him!!"  Yikes.  I absolutely do not want these poorly behaved children at my wedding.  I love children, but I have never wanted to have them at my wedding.  Having them at our engagement party definitely put a damper on it.  However I really don't want to exclude my fiance's immediate family (step-sister), and I don't know how we'd get around inviting/not inviting the 13-year-old.  If we invite him, his other aunt will be mad her children were not invited.  If we don't invite him, this might also cause issues.

His half-sister (flower girl) will probably be sent to her babysitter for the reception because she will be bored without other kids and I think FMIL would prefer it that way.

Suggestions!?  I'm going crazy!  My fiance is being no help, I think he is really worried about his family's reactions if we don't invite them.  Sorry to be long-winded, I hope it all made sense.

I agree about the "picking and choosing cousins".  I think it would be so much easier if there were lots of kids that needed to be excluded, but it's so weird when there are only 2 (I guess 5 if you include the 3 toddlers).

FMIL suggested we invite them to just the ceremony.  Why would they want to come to that part?!  It will be the most 'boring' for them.

@hotchild - if only.  We're having it in his grandparents backyard; same grandparents of the cousins we don't want to invite.  And the real kicker; it's also the backyard of their business, where mother-of-bad-cousins works!

@hotchild - Ooo I am afraid of the fall-out!  But this is what I'm leaning towards.  Thanks for the advice!

Thanks to the rest of you too!

@hotchild - not unless someone makes one before the wedding!  :-D

@mskalanin - You're not making a very good case by telling me about the tyrant cousin!  :-)  I understand what you're saying about family, but I just don't feel the same way.

At least you had people grabbing his arm!  These kids are poorly behaved and no one tries to control them.  Blech.

@daydreamwanderer - I could probably have them sent to the same sitter as the flowergirl.  Originally it was suggested to us by another family member that we get a babysitter at the actual house for the 3-4 kids, but these kids would for sure run outside and cause havoc once they got in a fight.  Still under consideration!  It might be easiest if we did that.

I would have the half-sister and step-sister, and none of the cousins- then it's no kids except immediate family. 

Sorry guys, I didn't make it clear that the 13 year old is the only one in his immediate family that wouldn't be invited.  He also has a sister that will be 18 and a brother that will be 20.  That is why FMIL said we couldn't invite their family minus him.  Hence the issue!  If he was the only kid in that family I would just say no kids outside immediate family and be done with it.

Sorry, but I think we have different definitions of "immediate family."  For me, immediate = my parents & sibs, grandparents & parents's sibs (no kids) + his parents & sibs, grandparents & parents' sibs (no kids).  That means NO cousins & solves your problem.  However, if you CAN'T do that, you could check out some of the Knot's suggestions on how to keep kids occupied or take others' suggestions about a baby sitter.  Good luck, whichever you choose.

(for the record, I, too, LOVE kids...we actually made our wedding very kid friendly - at Disneyland Hotel + tix to Disneyland as favors - so that all our IMMEDIATE family members, friends, & their kids would feel welcome)

sorry...I think I needed to clarify that "no kids" meant "no cousins".  Harsh, I know, but it's a firm line on the whole kid thing.

No cousins is definitely not an option.  My ENTIRE family is 13 people including dates, there is no way I couldn't invite my only two cousins.  This is too impossible!  I'd be happy to cut out his cousins, we're not really close with them, but I think a lot of people would be angry and my fiance wants them there.

Right now I'm leaning towards sending the three youngest to the babysitter's and letting the 13 year old choose where he wants to go between the babysitter and the wedding.  It could cause some problems, but we might be able to smooth it over!