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I think that as long as you do a general rule of No across the board you will be ok. Pick an age that you feel confortable with, (ours is no one under 16 can come) and stick with it. OR you can write on the invitation Adults olny reception and hope people get the hint.
Have you discussed this with your FI? What does he think? I wanted kids only but my FI (now DH) would not even consider this because it was very important to him to have his nephew there. If he wants them there and is helping to pay, then yes, I think you must invite them.
However, if they are not close and FI doesn't care much if they're invited or not, you could leave them off. But if you choose to do this I really think it is only fair to have NO children at the wedding - it isn't fair to invite kids from your side but not his. How many kids are there on his side? If there's not a ton I'd invite them. after all, pretty soon they will be your nieces and nephews as well.
I would not write adults only on the invite, it's not considered to be a polite thing to do. If you want an adults only wedding, you noly put the adults names on the invites. To make it super clear you could put, "We have reserved __ seats in your honor." and fill in the number. But the point of invitations is to..well, invite people. Not to point out who you are not inviting, that's why it's considered bad etiquette.
@imalittlebirdie: thanks thats what i was leaning towards..but what about the children who are in the bridal party?? my two neices are the flower girls and his nephew is the ring bearer. In my eyes those are the only children who should be there..is that wrong??? and also wat about the families who have children who are 10 15 and 20..can i invite the one without inviting the other two??
We're not inviting children to our black tie wedding. However, to help out our good friends with children that are coming from out of town (including one of the groomsmen who has 2 little ones) we are arranging for childcare if they'd like to take advantage of it.
@Wonderstruck: yes we did discuss it and he agrees with me because we are paying for our wedding and he feels the same way..why should we pay for children who are just going to fall asleep bc the wedding wont be ending til 1 am..he is close with his neices and nephews we just think its a waste of money..@ other family functions all they do is run around screaming or the others sit on their fones...he has 10 neices and nephews i have two neices..however mine are the flowergirls and they are under 5 so they are no charge.
i like the idea of We have reserved __ seats in your honor."..thanks so much!
@nygirl222: Inviting kids that are actually in the bridal party and no others is fine. But the exception to having an age cutoff and to inviting kids in the bridal party is that you shouldn't split up families. Well, I think it would be okay to invite the 20 year old and not the others because they are an adult. But I don't think you can invite the 15 year old and not the 10 year old.
Yeah, the __ seats in your honor worked great for us. We also included a line under stating __ out of __ will attend. We had no unexpected guests, which usually happens at weddings for FI's family, so I consider it a success!
I have discovered it really doesn't matter what you do. My FI and I decided NO CHILDREN. Found out yesterday from his mother that 5 of his nieces and 1 of his nephews is coming. At over $100 a plate for 4 of them. And no, there is not any money coming from anyone on his side of the family including him.
Thanks for the advice..i think i am going to JUST invite the children in the bridal party because thats what we ultimately want. However, i know my fiances sisters arent going to be too thrilled that their children arent going to be invited..Any suggestions on how to address this problem ladies??? thanksss!!
You should invite all of the children or no children. Although age cap for "children" would be 18. IMO. FI and I are having an adult only reception and it did cause some drama initially. But that is our vision for our reception. We see it more of an adult affair not for children to run wild. We thought long and hard about it and decided that the family part was the ceremony because that is the spiritual part and when the families are joined.
I used to love going to weddings when I was a kid! My cousins and I would get dresses up real pretty and run around screaming our heads off until we passed out! It was awesome!
BUT if it costs that much then, no, don't invite them! I'm sure FI will understand when you break down the budget to him.
So FI and I chose to have a kid free wedding, but none of the kids are our nieces and nephews. I think that if the children are THAT close in relation (neices, nephews, siblings) they should be invited.
Can you hire a babysitter to watch them during the reception or to play games with them?
I will tell you what I'm doing for my wedding. The only kids that's attending my wedding are part of the wedding. My kids, ages 4 and 2 and my little cousin age 4. That's it! My wedding is not a children's party and I don't want a bunch of kids running around, screaming, etc. Sure people will be upset, but it's my fiance's and I wedding and we are doing what WE want. Don't like it, don't come.
Emily Post says that it is fine to have no children at a wedding, but she also says to NOT give in when someone tries to invite their children or bully you into it. It will only cause mroe trouble when someone whose children werent invited show up and you have 5 kids there...
I'd call her and explain that it will be adults only affair and you cant make exceptions. Dont give in! It's YOUR wedding and SHE is not paying for it!!
We were going to have to deal with this before we decided on destination only wedding. Fi's famly has TONS of kids and mine have zero. And I really didnt want children around much less to pay for them. We were going to hire childcare and host it at his aunts house for anyone who complained, but we werent going to advertise that (to cut down on costs)
IMO I don't think you need to invite them. We are only inviting 4 kids that aren't our own. I do daycare (I only have 1 daycare child and 4 of my own) so I am inviting her of course, a close friends child that we are close to, and my cousins 2 sons. That's it not other children are invited. I have never met alot of these peoples children and I want an adult reception.
@Mary Green: when you were younger and @ weddings you said you would run around screaming your head off til you past out...and thats exactly why i dont want to invite children.. a wedding is supposed to be an elegant affair not a park or a childrens party..
thanks for your input and reassuring me that is why i dont want children there lol my fiance is on board with me
@Tanya5484: i TOTALLY agree with you..im happy you are standing your ground and not caring what others think..i hope to have the same courage as you
@PinkMagnolia: i will hire a babysitter if that would make it easier for people..even though the children are close family members its my belief that weddings are not a place for children
thanks everyone for your input...it seems that the majority of us are on the same page that children dont need to be invited to weddings (even if they are neices and nephews) unless they are in the bridal party..ne suggestions on how to handle the parents fo the children?? esp since they are my FSIL..ughh!!
Our current guestlist stands at 60% being children and I am honestly thrilled. I deliberately chose our venue with the kids in mind. I want this to be fun for all ages. I think kids can add so much to the party as long as they have fun things to do. I realize that I am in the minority here.
I have nothing against a child free wedding. It just isn't for me.
I agree with pp's that the only exceptions you can make are the bridal party or things could get ugly. Some people will be miffed but don't let it bother you. If FSIL has a problem with this, it is her problem, don't make it your problem. If it wasn't this it would have been something else. Be kind and explain that you can't afford to invite anyone under the age of __. But be firm. This is how it is. I have found that people that hold grudges over stuff like this are the type of people who would have gotten mad at you for something anyway. No need to go into debt for that type. It isn't your job to please the whole world. Don't give it a second thought.
It also depends on your culture. I know that there would be a slim chance that I could get away with no kids invited. Fortunately, there are only a handful of them
On the flipside, I told my friends with kids that they were welcome to bring their children, but they were like "Heck no! We want to party!" So that took care of itself.
@secondchances: thanks for your advice and your insight..it was really helpful..i love children and if i were having a backyard wedding or entertainment for them than i wiould totally want them to come..however we are not and thats why i am standing my ground :) and i agree that some people you cant please and if it wasnt this it wud be something else
@lauraq123: i agree ..most people dont want their kids to come because it gives them a night out and they want to enjoy themselves..your lucky your friends were honest with you..one of my fsil sed to my face she wouldnt want her kids to come neway that its a night out for her and her husband for a change..YETTT behind my back she has a problem with it?? wierd..but not letting it get to me :)
I am having an adult only wedding. There are children on both sides of the family. More so on my side. But I'm on a budget so it's guest plus one and it'll clearly state that on the RSVP card. I love all kids and there are more kids on my side anyway but everyone will have to understand. I don't recall being taken to weddings of family members when my parent went.
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Hii wedding bee ladies :)
so this is my dilema..i hope to get some good advice because i am in desperate need for some!!
My fiance and I are getting married the summer of 2012. He comes from a large immediate family (sisters,brother,brother in laws, neices nephews). We are having an evening weekend wedding which will be an elegant affair not to mention expensivee! the cost per plate is $150 and children under 5 are free not to mention we are working on budget. We are looking to have the most 125 ppl.
Now...here is where the dilema occurs.. this is a WEDDING..NNOOTTT a childrens party. Do i have to invite all of his neices and nephews?? they range in age from newborn to 20 years old. I think it is unnecessary to invite children that we have to PAY for only for them to fall asleep on the chairs, sit on their phones, be bored,run around screaming their heads off, and causing their parents not to enjoy the affair. Also i feel like it s an impossion to put on the parents that they may feel they have to give a gift to cover the plates and an impossion for us to pay for children not to eat and to fall asleep ( i.e. a family of 6 wont be writing us a check for $900) . NOT that is about the money but things dooo add up and i dont think its fair and is a waste of money. Also i dont ever remember being invited to weddings when i was younger.
So is it a must to invite them??