Post # 1
I will apologise in advance for asking this. I know I will get some criticism.
I am not awfully keen on children. I dont want any myself and would rather not have any at my wedding. As such we have requested no children.
We are only inviting 15 people, but two couples will have babies between 4 months and 1 month old at the time of the wedding. I would rather they didnt attend as personally I find children crying through wedding ceremonies rude and disrespectful – yes I do understand they can’t help it, Im just very anti children and as Im nervous enough about appearing in front of people I would rather my wedding day wasn’t spent with me being annoyed/irritated.
However I do appreciate that the babies are so small that the mothers wouldn’t want to leave them with anyone for the duration of the day. The point of my ramble is: Is it ok for me to offer to hire a babysitter to look after the babies whilst the ceremony is going on? It would be only for an hour at most.
Any views on this? Thanks 🙂
Post # 3
@cosmicsaucepan: Hmmm I also do not want ANY children at my wedding but none of my guests will have kids that young. I’m not sure if they would want a babysitter with their babies that are 1-4 months old. Have you spoken to any of them since you are only having 15 guests i would assume you know them well?
Post # 4
This is a touchy subject on here. but, honestly, if a baby is crying during your ceremony, most likely, you won’t hear it. You’ll be too involved in your vows and what not with your FI. I’m a photographer, I rarely hear babies crying during ceremonies. Most of the time, one of the parents leave the church area with the baby anyways. So, I don’t think it’s a big deal. Some brides make more of a big deal out of it than what it really is.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
I would be happy leaving children with a babysitter but a new born is something completely different. I would allow the new borns to stay with their mother, they are so vulnerable and I wouldnt trust a babysitter to look after one and I wouldnt want to be responsible or feel guilty if something happened.
Post # 6
My parents said they just went to a wedding (my cousins wedding) and there were 2 babies that cried throughout the ceremony. You’d think that the parents would have the common sense to take the babies away from the ceremony area but they did not. I wouldn’t worry so much about the babies, but more about the parents!
I think offering babysitting is very nice, but I’m not sure if parents would want to leave babies that young with the sitters. I suggest you ask the parents (i.e. “We ask that you do not bring babies/children to the wedding ceremony. We realize that this may be inconvenient to those of you with young children, so I am willing to provide a babysitting service during the ceremony time. Is this something you would be interested in?”
Post # 7
You would need to ask the mothers. I was just funny about leaving my babies with a stranger, and I wouldn’t have – certainly not at 1 month, and probably not at 4 months. But perhaps if they are used to leaving them in child care, your friends/relatives will feel differently.
By the way, babies do not instantly start crying – they fuss for a while and in that time a thoughtful mother will take baby out. But not all mothers are like that.
Post # 8
Is there a place at the reception where they can go if the babies are fussy? The bigger problem is not the crying baby, usually, it’s the parent who doesn’t take them out. I love kids but think a screaming baby can ruin a wedding video that you can spend thousands of dollars on. Maybe you can offer to have someone in the building — even in a sitting area — as back-up for a few minutes here and there if needed.
Post # 9
I don’t like everyone’s children. Ugly truth.
I will like my own. Can’t wait to have them! But I’m NOT having children at my wedding. We mentioned on our invitation that an adult only reception will follow the ceremony. That’s our little way of saying “don’t bring any kids”.
We’re also listing the specific person we’re inviting on each invitation. If your kids aren’t listed, they are NOT invited. Kids are great but in some cases, the wedding is not a place for them. But I’ve heard of people hiring a babysitter or coordinating with other families who have an older child that you can hire as a babysitter (like a teenager). But the ages of the babies are really young… so I would discuss this with the guests.
Disclaimer: I understand that some people use a wedding as a family gathering and they have large families with lots of kids.
Post # 10
@cosmicsaucepan: Maybe just let them bring the babies, but sit them in the back? That way, when the babies start to cry, the mothers can quickly remove them from the room. If you are really insistent on hiring a sitter, it should probably be somone that both mothers are familiar with (i.e. a family member), but I would still get the ok from them. Afterall, it is their baby. We’re in the same situation (no children, but 2 infants), and we’ve already talked to the parents about sitting in the back which they were fine with. My ceremony is outdoors though, so I doubt I’ll even notice a crying baby. If it was in a church or chapel, I’d probably be a little more concerned.
Post # 11
I think offering a babysitter is AWESOME.
I would not have a problem leaving my daughter with someone for just an hour with someone that my friend or family member hired specifically for the wedding…it’s not like you’re going to flag someone down on the street and ask them to come keep an eye on some kids! If I’m close enough to you to be invited to the wedding, then I’m going to trust your judgement on finding someone responsible…especially since it’s not a whole bunch of kids. I guess if you’re worried they’re going to be against a ‘stranger’, arrange for them to meet or at least talk on the phone. Also, at that age, they are still sleeping A LOT, so it’s completely plausible that they don’t even leave their carrier while the sitter watches them sleep!
Post # 12
Stand your ground. You have EVERY RIGHT to make this request. It’s your wedding day. The last thing you need is to be worried about a baby crying. (Even if it didn’t happen, it would still cause you stress knowing that it might).
I’m with you 100%. We are not allowing babies at my wedding ceremony or reception either. One of my two bridesmaids just had a baby two weeks ago (my wedding is in two weeks). And I’m definitely not having her bring the baby. She actually knew when my wedding was and planned to have the baby at this time… so she knew these were my feelings and will respect them. I think most people should respect your feelings on this.
Personally, I think you are being generous by even offering to hire a babysitter. I see nothing wrong with expecting people to hire their own babysitter or not show up. But since your wedding is so small, I can understand you not wanting people to decide they are not coming. But if the babysitter idea isn’t ok with them…. don’t let them bring their crying babies to the ceremony!! Not worth it.
Post # 13
@cosmicsaucepan: if they are that young, they more then likely aren’t gong to want a stranger to care for them, but aren’t most parents polite enough to take their kids out if they are fussing or crying?
Post # 14
It is only two children you are talking about. I think that warrents two phone calls to the mother to talk realistically about your vision for the wedding. Listen to what they have to say then make your decission
Post # 15
I felt EXACTLY the same as you! I am 46, never wanted my own and there were no children allowed at my wedding or reception. Did people with kids get pissed? You betcha…Did I let it bother me? Nope! MY DAY, MY WAY!
You have every right…