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Does your caterer offer a child meal price? How much are you talking with five kids added? Is your FI close to the kids? Is he close to that cousin? Will he be upset if that cousin is unable to come because you said no to the kids? Are they well behaved? How old are they?
I guess there's a lot to consider, haha.
If I were in your shoes (not knowing the answers to any of those questions), my gut would be to call them up, explain that you're not having kids at the wedding except one first cousin, and you'd love for them to make a romantic weekend out of it if they have a friend they can ask to watch the 5 kids who will stay home.
We could have half price meals for some of the kids; my FI is not close to the cousin (I have never even met the main one who is complaining! and we've been dating five years); do not know if they are well behaved. There's actually two sets--one cousin has two, but then this would mean that we would have to invite that cousin's brother's three...
It sounds like you already have your guest list rules established. I would not invite the cousin's kids. If the rule is first cousins, then it's first cousins, even if your youngest cousin is ten. I say this because of my own experience. We are on the young ends of our family, so most of our cousins are married with kids.
My cousins on my side have kids from 2mos to 16 years. But on my step-mom's side, there are two cousins under 13. They are invited, they are 1st cousins.
Otherwise, we are not inviting cousins' kids. To invite just ONE of my mom's side's kids would open the flood gates to invite some 20 children under 16 for that side of the family alone. Rediculous. I was able to cut out almost 35 people just by saying no to cousins' kids.
We're going with first cousins and that's the rule regardless of age. You don't have to explain "No kids", just explain "First cousins only". We are having kids at our reception, but they are either 1st cousins, our ring bearer and flower girl, or our own neices and nephews - which is about 12 kids altogether.
Good luck! But I would just say First Cousins Only and stick to it.
Five kids isn't a lot. I guess the question is will it create unecessary drama for you if you say no? If the answer is yes, then maybe it's easier just to let them come.
I'm in the same position. We say "no" to cousin's children. I can;t believe they actaully called to ask, that's so rude. The invitation is typically clear enough. They should get a baby sitter and enjoy a grown-up evening!
I'm inviting the kids when it's people who will have to arrange some sort of babysitting, so it makes most sense to me to have you invite the kids. However, since you've established a "no kids" rule, it might cause unneccessary drama to invite those 5. If your fiancé doesn't care, go with what will cause less drama. 5 kids isn't a big deal either way, it's the drama that matters.
We have the same dilema. My side of the family has a lot of children and so does FI's, only his side is MUCH better behaved and honestly I like his side's children more. My mom was asked by my aunt if kids were attending my mom said no, only people who are from out of town are bringing their children because they obviously don't have babysitters in the area. FI's entire family is OOT so they are all coming with their kids (estimated at probably 10). I'm ok with this because children's menus are discounted, our venue has a great room for kids to be in and play, they are well behaved.Is it fair? No, will i be less annoyed? yes. Also when I was younger I wasn't allowed at their weddings b/c of the no children rule so now I feel like I don't have to bend over backwards to accomodate their children.
I guess you have to think about this: Is your FI's family's children well behaved? If they aren't will they ruin/annoy you on your day? (my family's kids would annoy me and therefore I would probably snap at them because they run around like wild animals and the parents don't tell them to stop) Do you get discounted childrens menus? Will the 5 of them being there mess up your seating arrangements?
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okay, so we were going with no children, but inviting all first cousins. (And we both have a TON.) The problem is that all of our first cousins are college age and up, except for one kid, who was born late in life to his parents (he has two college age and above brothers). I estimate this kid to be about ten.
Anyway, so I invited this kid (addressed the STD to Mr. and Mrs. TK and family).(Thought it would be weird to exclude just him. Plus he's fairly well behaved.)
Separately, FI's first cousins (all of who are significantly older than FI) are calling my FMIL wanting to know if they can bring THEIR kids. They are all from out-of-town and will have to fly. Inviting them will add five kids to the guest list.
What do you think I should do?