Post # 1
Between FI and I, we have 12 nieces and nephews. Ouch.
We had intentions of having children in the wedding but now…I don’t think I want to.
I love all of the children absolutely equally and it would break my heart to tell 2 or 3 of them that they are in the wedding but not the rest.
What did other people do with this sort of conflict? I obviously can’t have that many kids in the wedding, but I have a really hard time choosing who will be able to.
Most of them are relative in age as well, so that isn’t a huge factor.
Post # 3
I totally understand your issue. I have 5 (soon to be 6) nieces/nephews and luckily since FI has none, I can justify having all but the newborn in the wedding, but i know that number is bordering on having too many kids.
My cousin has 8 (from her 3 sibs). She was the godmother of two (from two diff siblings) and the oldest by a few years was from her third sibling. So she picked one from each family. To incorporate the rest she had them take turns reading the petitions (catholic mass). The littlest of those kids was probably 6 and it was so sweet to see him work hard to memorize/read his line.
Another couple I’m friends with is getting married and they have 11 or 12 between them. The oldest of these kids is probably 7 or 8. The oldest boy and oldest girl happen to be from the grooms side and brides side respectively, so they are just having them.
I’d say find pick one from each family if possible (oldest?) and/or find a special way to include them other than walking down the aisle. If all else fails just dress them all up in the same suits and dresses, let whoever makes it down the aisle walk and list them in the program as Flowergirls (nieces of the bride and groom) and ring bearers (nephews of the bride and groom) as opposed to listing out ALL names). It is your day – if you want them all there then do it!
Post # 4
Yes I have 4 children. My eldest who’s 14 is one of my bridesmaids and my 2 sons and my nephew are pageboys and my little girl who will be 2 by then and my niece are my flower girls 🙂
Post # 5
We had 0 children in the ceremony.
Post # 6
@RedWine13: As a parent, let me say that “pick one from each family” is not an idea I like. Even though you say it’s been done by people you know, all I can imagine is upset children. My two daughters are close in age and I can’t imagine that going down well at all.
I agree with the OP, the best solution is no children in the wedding party at all. Because to be fair, it’s really got to be all or none. Of course they can all dress up, be at the wedding, and be in the wedding photos. You just won’t have kids in the ceremony itself.
Post # 7
it seems like all the adults I speak to (mostly my parents and the children’s parents) say not to worry, they’re kids, no ones feelings will get hurt. But I know better. The kids are all old enough to understand the pretty basic concept of “blahblah is in the wedding and I’m not”. I care so much about these kids and their feelings. FI feels it’s important to have a few in the wedding but in my opinion it’s not important enough to the expense of hurting their little hearts. At least if none of them are in the wedding they don’t have to try and understand why they didn’t get chosen. But making my FI understand is difficult. I am more of the type to “think like they do” where he isn’t, he doesn’t really understand that particular thought process. And I also know they will probably get over it or forget about it in due time, but I can’t get past the fact that I essentially have to make a choice on who would have a role and who wouldn’t. I guess it could sound silly, but it seems like an unfair choice at the expense of children’s feelings. Plus, it would bother me through the whole ceremony.
Post # 8
We’re not having a wedding party, so no need to worry about kids in the ceremony, but I agree that if you think some kids will have their feelings hurt then it might be best to have no kids in the ceremony.
You can still incorporate them somehow! DF’s Mom wants her two grandsons (ages 9 and 6) to escort her to her to seat, and my Mom might have my nephew (age 10) do the same. I don’t know what we’ll do with my niece (age 5), but my sister and I found the prettiest dress so I’m excited to dress her up regardless! Those four are the only kids that will be in attendance. We are planning on putting the boys in dress pants, shirts, vests, and matching ties. I think that will make such a sweet picture with DF surrounded by some mini-mes.