Post # 1
My fiance and I conceived our first child last November. Obviously we aren’t married yet. For me I dont feel it is a problem that we had a child out of wedlock. For some people it is important to be married before conceiving. I understand everyone has their opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. But I dont understand when people put others down because of their decision. I try my best not to judge and doesnt it say in the bible thou shall not pass judgment. Correct me if Im wrong.
Raising a child in a home that has 2 loving parents that function just the same as a married home is not wrong (in my eyes). I was raised by my mother alone. Her & my father married AFTER having my sister and I then DIVORCED a few years later. Does that make the divorced parents wrong when they end there marriage and raise their kids?
Post # 2
There is another post very similar to this which is currently active on the board. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/would-you-have-a-child-out-of-wedlock/#axzz35hnXlF3w You can check it out.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle
You love your partner and are blessed with a child! embrace it.. if people wish to “Preach” then tell them god must have ment for me to fall pregnant! and if your parents are judging you advise them that only god ca judge you as they have been judged for their actions!
Post # 4
hOkulove: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it; I feel the only requirement to be a family is love for each other. However, when it comes to the legal aspects, being married simply makes things easier.
Post # 5
No. Having children conceived and born into a loving, committed relationship is most ideal whether the parents are married or not. There is no guarantee parents will stay together forever. Children are born into less than ideal situations ie when from the get go an absentee parent exists or dual households/ co parenting happens from the stop. Babies are blessings no matter what.
For me, children must come after marriage. I used birth control with my husband (and partners before him) until we were actually married. If there was an oops pregnancy and decided not to terminate the pregnancy we would have gotten married sooner tomake sure the baby was born to married parents.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Love builds a family, not weddings.
Some of my dearest friends cannot, legally, be married in a lot of states. They want kids, and I am incredibly happy for them. To prevent them from being loving parents just because there’s no ring on that finger … THAT is the true sin.
Post # 7
I do not think it is wrnog or immoral. where I’m from it’s almost more common for people to get engaged, have kids, then get married later or not get married at all. As long as children are born to loving families, that’s all I care about. Marital status has no bearing on parenting abilities.
Post # 8
I can’t believe it’s 2014 and this is still such a controversial/hot button issue for many people. I don’t care about the relationship status of the parent(s) so much as whether the child is getting the love, care, and committment from their parent(s) that is needed for them to grow up knowing their value. DH and I are married and will be when our kids arrive. So what? That doesn’t mean our kids will grow up “better” than anyone else’s. My mom wanted a baby desperately at 25 and had one without being in a relationship. My sister sure was loved and welcomed by my mom, and then by my dad when he met my mom and sister. That’s all a ‘family’ (however you define that term) needs in my opinion-love.
Post # 9
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
hOkulove: I’m even more radical than your poll. I would go it alone if necessary (rather than not have kids). But where I have the choice, I prefer the standard ‘order of service’, for myself.
Post # 10
My personal choice was to wait til I was married to have a child. I am a pastor, though, so it’s an issue of my own morals. I don’t understand people who judge and condemn others for making another choice, though. I feel it’s each couple’s choice. I wish some parents would wait to have children (for example: those who have a struggling relationship already and think that a baby will make everything magically better) but it’s not my place to judge their choices.
Post # 11
Why does this even matter anymore? I think it’s best if the parents are in a committed, loving relationship, so that there is a stable home life for the kid, but there are plenty of unmarried couples who are amazing, loving parents, and plenty of married parents who are neglectful douchbags.
Post # 12
Although my mom and dad were not PLANNING to conceive, here I am. My mom was young: 19. She actually had just gotten her wisdom teeth out and was taking medicine that negates birth control. Her and my dad weren’t together for long when she got pregnant, so she told him that he did not have to be a part of my life, it was his choice, and she understood a baby does NOT fix things, solve problems, or mean marriage. My dad was very much in love with my mom, and did not want to be without her or me. 8 years later and 2 more children, they got married. They are soooooo in love and still married.
Having a child out of wedlock is NOT the end of the world. Was it ideal for my parents? No. Would my mom have wanted to be married first? I’m sure. But they were a team, and they supported eachother the entire time they WEREN’T married. For them, a marriage certificate was the only difference.
I think it used to be a lot bigger of a deal than it is now.
I don’t condone having tons of kids, with tons of different dads/moms however.
Post # 13
hOkulove: Not everyone has the same beliefs. I think marriage is important and meaningful. I think being married before having a family is the best case scenario. It is also a standard in my faith. With that being said, I had a baby out of wedlock at 19. Would I change that? Not in a million years.
I also feel like people are judged less for having children before marriage now. It is actually a very common place thing.
Post # 14
I think it’s sad that you even feel you have to worry about this in 2014. Of course it’s ok! Single, defacto, married, divorced, same sex, whatever. As long as the child is in a happy loving environment and it’s parents do the best they can, that’s all that matters. Congratulations on your pregnancy. May it be happy and uneventful.
Post # 15
thehappiestbridetobe: I wish some people would read your words over and over again. A baby does NOT fix things! My sister is a single mother and the day she was leaving the hospital with my niece (she was almost 26 at that time) the doctor even said to her “Now…don’t think you need to marry the guy because you had a baby.” Now, while it was not the best thing to say and it wasn’t his place, I’m sure it was out of experience and concern. My sister, however, is not a dumbass and knew that having a baby would defnitiely not change the type of man my niece’s father is (my sis got pregnant when a new antibiotic interfered with her BCP) and would never have considered a marriage, and even a further relationship at that point, with this guy.