Post # 1
Family friends of my fiances parents are invited to our medium sized wedding (it was small but has gotten out of control). Their daughter, who is in her 30’s is also invited as she has two children who are similar in age to my neices and go to school together. The 30 year old mother has recently become divorced and begun dating a man with a daughter. I have seen the new boyfriend, yet not been introduced to himself or his daughter.
As we sent out the invites I addressed theirs to “Mother, Boyfriend, Daughter, Daughter”, and chose to not invite his daughter. My reasoning is that we have spent Christmas’ and birthdays with her daughters but have never met his. Our guests are RSVPing through a website I made and she sent an email saying that, “she noticed that his daughter was not invited, but wanted to double check it would be okay if they brought her”
In hindsight we should have only invited “Mother and Boyfriend” and just ignored her children. Especially since despite my neices they will be the only children. Anyways, do I just let her bring the boyfriends daughter or put my foot down since I did not invite this girl in the first place?
Any help would be great ladies!
Post # 3
@Lauren1989: Yikes!! I think it is a bit rude on her part to ask to have her bfs daughter to be invited. If I were you, I would say the invitation is not extended to his daughter.
Post # 4
@Lauren1989: It may be rude of her to ask to include his daughter, but it was also rude to invite two out of the three daughters in the family.
You are correct. If you didn’t want to include his daughter, you should not have invited hers. Too late for that though.
Post # 5
I personally think it was a little rude to exclue his daughter. I understand where you’re coming from but you’re inviting them as a unit and if you’re inviting her children his should also be invited as they are being treated as one family (especially if she’s young – as much as this may not matter – explaining to an 8 year old why her ‘step-sisters’ get to go and she doesn’t would be difficult).
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
They should be treated as a family and you should have either included his daughter from the start or excluded all of the children. I would be extremely hurt if someone said I could bring my daughters and boyfriend, but not my boyfriend’s daughter. I think it’s the right thing to do to extend the invitation to her now, else risk a bit of unnecessary drama.
Post # 7
definitely invite the daughter
Post # 8
Put your foot down. Confirm it’s only her kids. Explain to her that kids aren’t invited her general other then your neices and nephews, but HER kids were the exception, as you know them, felt close to them, etc. But otherwise it’s a no kids party.
Post # 9
Thanks for the quick responses. It’s so difficult since I wish i would have just invited the adults and left out her daughters. Plus I would say that the newly divorced mother has only been with this guy for 6 months, they do not live together and it’s still one of those new iffy relationships.
Blah, I think I’m leaning towards just caving and saying to bring this little girl. I really don’t have the energy for this.
Post # 10
Does the boyfriend have full-time custody of his daughter?
Especially because they’re not living together, I wouldn’t consider them a “family” like some previous posters have said. It was nice of you to invite her children as well as her iffy boyfriend — two things you didn’t have to do. I think it was pretty rude of her to tack another guest on to her RSVP in this case.
Post # 11
I don’t think that asking a question is rude…nobody was ‘tacked on’…people are constanly encouraging others to check with the Bride about questions, and this seems like what the friend is doing.
I personally would add her on, and not b/c I don’t have the energy to deal with it…6 months or not, they obviously see themselves as a family unit, so she wants the daughter to come. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, whether you say yes or no.
Post # 12
@JFay: This is what the OP said was a direct quote from the mother, “”she noticed that his daughter was not invited, but wanted to double check it would be okay if they brought her”
She knew the other girl wasn’t invited, and invited her herself with that email. So yeah, I do think she tacked a guest on and was rude in doing so.
Post # 13
@Lauren1989: I think if you invite two of the children you’ve got to invite the other one, or at least make it clear that she’s welcome if the wedding’s on a weekend where the father has custody. I agree it would have been better to invite the adults only, but since you’ve already invited 2 kids, I don’t see the harm in one more. Everyone will be happier and it won’t spoil your wedding.
Usually I think a guest asking for extras is rude, but not in this case – it’s an exceptional situation. The couple are put in an awkward situation of having to leave one child out.
If you “put your foot down”, then if I was in the father’s situation I would decline. Time with his daughter comes ahead of your wedding.
Post # 14
@cmbr: Well, I disagree…that same quote you are saying is rude sounds like she’s asking a question, to me. No big deal, just my interpretation.
Post # 15
Hi Lauren1989 First and foremost, I see that you are a newcomer to WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Etiquette Snob here… lol (in that I know too much about this subject)
Gotta agree 100% with @paula1248: and Reply # 12
Unfortunately you opened the door when you went beyond just her and her children… and added on the Plus One for the BF
By inviting him… (a nice gesture BTW), and having the girls on the list, it does look like a snub if you don’t include his daughter as well…
Do the right thing in this situation and allow his daughter as well.
Hope this helps,
Post # 16
Is it a “family unit” when they are only dating and not even for that long AND they dont all live together as a family? By that logic, should you also invite his siblings or parents since they may or may not one day possibly be her in-laws? I dont think you are rude at all for not inviting his daughter. This is your wedding, not a Brady Bunch bonding event. I am not trying to sound harsh, but I feel we as brides are made to feel guilty over things like this when its supposed to be a celebration of marriage and people try to make it about them instead.