Children, RSVPing and Etiquette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lauren1989:  Yikes!!  I think it is a bit rude on her part to ask to have her bfs daughter to be invited.  If I were you, I would say the invitation is not extended to his daughter.

Post # 4
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lauren1989:  It may be rude of her to ask to include his daughter, but it was also rude to invite two out of the three daughters in the family.

You are correct. If you didn’t want to include his daughter, you should not have invited hers. Too late for that though.

Post # 5
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I personally think it was a little rude to exclue his daughter.  I understand where you’re coming from but you’re inviting them as a unit and if you’re inviting her children his should also be invited as they are being treated as one family (especially if she’s young – as much as this may not matter – explaining to an 8 year old why her ‘step-sisters’ get to go and she doesn’t would be difficult).

Post # 6
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

They should be treated as a family and you should have either included his daughter from the start or excluded all of the children. I would be extremely hurt if someone said I could bring my daughters and boyfriend, but not my boyfriend’s daughter. I think it’s the right thing to do to extend the invitation to her now, else risk a bit of unnecessary drama.

Post # 7
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

definitely invite the daughter

Post # 8
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Put your foot down. Confirm it’s only her kids. Explain to her that kids aren’t invited her general other then your neices and nephews, but HER kids were the exception, as you know them, felt close to them, etc. But otherwise it’s a no kids party.

Post # 10
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does the boyfriend have full-time custody of his daughter?

Especially because they’re not living together, I wouldn’t consider them a “family” like some previous posters have said. It was nice of you to invite her children as well as her iffy boyfriend — two things you didn’t have to do. I think it was pretty rude of her to tack another guest on to her RSVP in this case.

 

Post # 11
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t think that asking a question is rude…nobody was ‘tacked on’…people are constanly encouraging others to check with the Bride about questions, and this seems like what the friend is doing.

I personally would add her on, and not b/c I don’t have the energy to deal with it…6 months or not, they obviously see themselves as a family unit, so she wants the daughter to come. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, whether you say yes or no.

Post # 12
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JFay:  This is what the OP said was a direct quote from the mother, “”she noticed that his daughter was not invited, but wanted to double check it would be okay if they brought her”

She knew the other girl wasn’t invited, and invited her herself with that email. So yeah, I do think she tacked a guest on and was rude in doing so.

Post # 13
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lauren1989:  I think if you invite two of the children you’ve got to invite the other one, or at least make it clear that she’s welcome if the wedding’s on a weekend where the father has custody. I agree it would have been better to invite the adults only, but since you’ve already invited 2 kids, I don’t see the harm in one more. Everyone will be happier and it won’t spoil your wedding.

Usually I think a guest asking for extras is rude, but not in this case – it’s an exceptional situation. The couple are put in an awkward situation of having to leave one child out.

If you “put your foot down”, then if I was in the father’s situation I would decline. Time with his daughter comes ahead of your wedding.

Post # 14
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@cmbr:  Well, I disagree…that same quote you are saying is rude sounds like she’s asking a question, to me. No big deal, just my interpretation.

Post # 15
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi Lauren1989 First and foremost, I see that you are a newcomer to WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

Etiquette Snob here… lol (in that I know too much about this subject)

Gotta agree 100% with @paula1248:  and Reply # 12

Unfortunately you opened the door when you went beyond just her and her children… and added on the Plus One for the BF

By inviting him… (a nice gesture BTW), and having the girls on the list, it does look like a snub if you don’t include his daughter as well…

Do the right thing in this situation and allow his daughter as well.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 16
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Lauren1989:

Is it a “family unit” when they are only dating and not even for that long AND they dont all live together as a family?  By that logic, should you also invite his siblings or parents since they may or may not one day possibly be her in-laws?   I dont think you are rude at all for not inviting his daughter.  This is your wedding, not a Brady Bunch bonding event.  I am not trying to sound harsh, but I feel we as brides are made to feel guilty over things like this when its supposed to be a celebration of marriage and people try to make it about them instead. 

 

  

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