- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
So we had a 50ish person destination wedding. DH preferred no wedding, just elope or JOP style, but agreed to the DW. We had already discussed having a chinese banquet dinner back home after the wedding, to celebrate with my relatives (large extended family) and friends who were not able to make it. Total count would be 80 max, invitations to local family/friends invited to the wedding but did not make it. We never talked about it in detail but I asked several times and he said ok to the chinese banquet, and ok splitting the cost with my parents, mentioned be nice to have friend X or Y there since they couldn’t make it to the wedding. My parents were ok with not doing it at all.
So my parents have been checking out restaurants, settled on one and took us out there to check it out and have dinner. My dad mentioned his plan to have us do a grand entrance, to show a slideshow of us separately growing up as kids, to do a 5-6 minute speech and have my in laws give a 5-6 minute speech. Chinese banquet menu and cake. DH was in a bad mood the whole time, refused to eat dinner, just said he wasn’t hungry, was not helpful at all when my parents were asking him about menu choices (wanted his opinoin as he is not asian).
And now DH is flipping out saying he didn’t agree to any of this, that he’s going to hate it. He doesn’t care who on his side gets invited, wants as little to do with the whole situation as possible, so wants me to decide who to invite on his side. This is not new – he’ll say yes to something and not want anything to do with the planning, and then later complain about it. He’s not one to keep his anger in so just lets it all out when he’s upset about something.
I asked if he wanted to cancel, although at this point it would suck as we had already said yes to my parents numerous times, and a deposit has been placed at the restaurant and the invitations ordered already as well. This was just yesterday though so possibly reversible. DH agrees not possible to cancel now, he’s just unhappy about it all.
I’m upset at DH for saying yes then at the last minute not wanting to go through (but will begrudingly), but also want to be supportive that he not have a horrible experience with this, esp as we may be paying for part of this ourselves.
I don’t think there is any one person who is “wrong”, but tend to be upset with DH for flipping out rather than with my parents for their planning. I plan to speak to my parents and just tell them that there are certain parts of their plan that will make DH very uncomfortable. I had imagined banquet dinner, show some photos from wedding, cake. Simple. They have something else in mind.