With Marriage FAMILY changes by definition.
When you marry you bring 2 FAMILIES together to create A NEW ONE. OUR FAMILY
So ya, OUR FAMILY would always come before any other…
That is what a Marriage is supposed to be.
Sadly some couples don’t get this… be it the fact that the Parents are too meddling, or the B&G not mature enough to see / understand what being married means.
I wouldn’t say one so much has to STAND UP to the Parents …
But there has to be a realization on the part of the couple that they are now IN CHARGE of what goes on in their lives AS A FAMILY
So they set the boundaries… in appropriate ways:
1- How much meddling is tolerated… “I am sorry Mom & Dad, but WE WON’T BE discussing our finances / Parenting / religious beliefs… (whatever) with you”
2- How EXPECTATIONS are addressed… “I am sorry Mom & Dad, but WE WILL BE spending Thanksgiving with Mr Lovebug’s Family… we will spend Christmas this year with you… and next year you guys get Thanksgiving… and his family Christmas”
3- And the couple also has to work on themselves as well…
It is NOT OK if one of the couple is spending too much time with their Parents… or putting too much emphasis on the opinions expressed by their Family onto their Spouse. This stuff all needs to be negotiated / worked out in due course.
Example, if His Family has a tradition of him coming over for Dinner on Sunday. It is OK to say… to one another as man & wife… “Honey once or twice a month is ok… but I am not up to spending EVERY SUNDAY the rest of my life (52x a year) with your Family. Lets negotiate something more reasonable. Lets have some Sundays that we enjoy alone, or start our own traditions, etc”
Part of the maturity of being ready for Marriage is being able to express these various things (1, 2 & 3) in an adult non-argumentative fashion. You just lay out your plan and go with it. As a Married Adult YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to determine what your Life / Marriage / Family will look like.
Hope this helps,