Post # 1
Hello! I’m new to the site and while I’m not engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years yet, he has told me to be prepared for it in the near future (as in January 2013 because then we can focus on being happy instead of Christmas shopping).
My question today has to do with choosing a wedding date and mainly concerns my older sister. She and her fiance have been together for 7 years, engaged for almost 3. They’ve been wanting to get married for a long time and have recently began discussing the possibility of having the wedding in the fall of 2014, which is really exciting!
There is a potential issue though: My boyfriend and I don’t want a long engagement (no more than 1.5 years) and because of his job the first half of the year is pretty much out (Tax Season). We had already talked a bit about getting married in the fall of 2014 when my sister mentioned it (no, she had no idea we were thinking about getting married then), but I would feel incredibly guilty scheduling a wedding so close to her’s. In addition, we have a few relatives that would be invited to both weddings who live on the other side of the country and while I’m sure they’d want to come to both weddings I would feel badly about the financial burden of traveling.
(I know that the happy couple only gets one day and doesn’t have a right to block out entire months, but she has waited so long for this that I want her to get her chance to enjoy herself completely.)
My boyfriend feels that we shouldn’t have to put our lives on hold for them just because they got engaged before they were ready to get married (for the record he likes both of them very much). I agree, but I’d still feel bad. I also have no idea if she would get angry if we did schedule our wedding close to her’s. Sometimes she can be really understanding and laidback; other times not so much.
I was hoping to get some outside opinions about setting the date, so that when we are ready to take that step we’re better prepared. Would you be angry if your sibling scheduled their wedding around the same time as your’s, especially if you were waiting a long time to get married? Would it be better to suck it up and wait the extra year, making the engagment close to 3 years long? Is it even possible to plan a wedding in southern New England in eight to eleven months? Any advice would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
I’d be a little disappointed (not upset though) as I’d want to fully enjoy planning both weddings! I say plan it for 2013!
(we planned my sister’s big wedding in 3 months, we are having an 8 month engagement)
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I would be disappointed if my sister planned her wedding at around the same time as mine, especially if it was well-known when we were looking to get married. Maybe a few months before or after is okay though. It sounds like they haven’t actually set a date yet, though, so if you guys are ready to put down money for your date, I don’t think I would have the right to be upset (if I were your sister). I would have a talk with her and see how she feels about it.
Post # 5
My sister hasn’t really started planning yet. She and her fiancé would like to get married then, but they haven’t put down any deposits or chosen any venuyet yet. I was more concerned that there might be hard feelings if I get engaged and married before her. I would like to get married in 2013, but my boyfriend and I are hoping to buy our first place together. We definitely have enough money for that and we both want a small wedding, but I’ve never planned a wedding or moved in with someone so I’m not sure what kind of budget we will be working with (and I know my boyfriend wanted a 2014 wedding). I over think everything which is why I’m wondering about this now. Lol!
Post # 6
I don’t really think it’s that big of a deal. FI and I are getting married 3 weeks after his first cousin.
Just talk to your sister about it. Think about your potential OOT guests that will be on both lists. Depending on that number, it will help dictate how far apart it should be.
Post # 7
I would ask your sister. Give her the layout– say you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but you and BF are looking to get engaged in the next 3 months and are looking to have a wedding in late 2013 (if Christmas is an option) or spring-summer 2014. Say that you are worried about it being too close to her and want her opinion and her input.
If she is the type that really cares about getting married first, she will and will have time to have time to plan a great wedding.
Post # 8
Planning a wedding in 8-11 months is no problem. The only real issue is some venues and photographers book out a long time in advance. All the actual planning can be comfortably done in that time. So I would prefer late 2013.
I don’t think your sister can block out a season. There is an issue with travelling relatives, so there should be at least a couple of months between weddings. But “Fall” is anywhere from September to December, so to give a couple of months around all that she’s blocking out July 2014 to about Feb 2015, which isn’t fair. If your sister wants to reserve a date it should at least have a month nominated, if not an actual date. Otherwise I say whoever books a date first, gets it.
Post # 9
I think none of this even matters until one of you actually firms up plans.
If she is just talking about this date, then I would ask her to let you know by X date if that is when they are going to have the wedding, and if not you are going to go ahead and book that time of year.
In terms of relatives traveling, I wouldn’t stress about it. People may not be able to come to both, but while disappointing isn’t really the end of the world.
Post # 10
@paula1248: The only reason why 2014 would be blocked out completely for us is because my boyfriend is a CPA (Accounting) and in the U.S. Tax Season is January through mid to late April. He usually winds up working 6 days a week (sometimes he works from home on Sunday too), so having a wedding anytime before June wouldn’t be practical (just from a planning stand point because he would like to be involved in the decisions). Same goes for early 2015. We could try and get married after them in 2014, but she really would like a mid autumn wedding and between all the holidays it would be difficult. Plus I wanted to try and have a few months in between ceremonies, just to make it a bit easier on everyone involved.
I also want to emphasis that my sister hasn’t blocked out anything. She hasn’t booked any venues (she and her fiance are attempting to figure that stuff out now) so technically that specific time period is still up for grabs. However, I feel like it would be a jerk move for me to immediately snap that time up since she has mentioned it to my other sister and I already.
@andielovesj: There are really just two or three out of state couples that we’d be inviting from my family. There’s no guarantee that they’d be able to make it out here regardless of when we have our weddings though, so if they can’t make it that’s ok. I’d like them to attend if possible, but (like you said) it’s not the end of the world.
I’m going to wait to talk with my sister for now. I’m not engaged yet, but when I am I’ll see about discussing it with her. If boyfriend agrees to a late 2013 wedding then I think that would be great; we wouldn’t have to wait 3 years and my sister would have more than enough time to focus on her stuff (and have us focus on it with her).
Post # 11
@andielovesj: I agree that it doesn’t really matter until the plans are more firm. If your sister has been engaged for three years and hasn’t set a date…do you really think they’re going to get married in the fall, or will it be further delayed? I’d wait until you’re actually engaged and then see if the two of them have actually firmed up a date or not, and go from there.
Post # 12
@Wonderstruck: I’m really hoping that things work out for them this time, but with the way the Economy is right now I can’t be too sure. I agree it’s best to wait until I’m actually engaged to start seriously thinking about this. I have one of those brains that just will not shut off once I start thinking about something, but all the advice from everyone has really helped a lot.