Post # 1
I’m having trouble with choosing my maid of honor. Two of my sisters are going to be in my wedding as well as my fiance’s cousin. I’ll give you some info on all three.
Sister #1: Seven years older than me. Made me her Maid/Matron of Honor when I was fourteen. She lives thirty minutes away and is very busy with work and her family. We’re pretty close, but we don’t agree on everything. She likes a lot of country things; I don’t.
Sister #2: Ten years older than me. Made me a junior bridesmaid when I was eleven. She also lives thirty minutes away and is also very busy with work and family. We’re not very close, though. We do get a long, but we don’t have the same interests. She likes very elegant weddings, and is very, very critical on stuff she doesn’t like.
Both of my sisters have had experience planning weddings, but they both kind of talk down to me and usually tell me what I *should* do for my wedding.
Fiance’s cousin: Two years younger than me (exactly!). We grew closer during her sophomore year in high school and my senior year. We live in the same town and I visit her, her sister, her mom and her aunt very often. She’s kind of go-with-the-flow, but hasn’t got experience planning weddings, but she and her family have already told me that they’re going to help out as much as they can (they’re excited. most people in that side of the family doesn’t have a big wedding).
I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings or have any grudges held or drama. What should I do? I’m terribly lost. 🙁
Post # 3
@STBMrsEJT: What kind of wedding do you want? And who are you closest to? I’m choosing the person I want to obsess over the wedding the most with. She has no experience with wedding planning (none of my friends do because I’m young) but I don’t think thats a bad thing, because she will like whatever I like.
Post # 4
@asscherlover: My weddings a small, spring wedding in my parents huge, 2 acre backyard. It’s for our family and closest friends, with lots of food and games, with a little dancing on the side. It doesn’t have a theme, just all the things that make up who my fiance and I are, thrown into a wedding.
I see my fiance’s cousin the most often, since we live so close, and I don’t see my sisters that often. I would just feel bad if I didn’t choose Sister #1 because she made me her Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding.
It’s so frustrating.
Post # 5
It seems to me that you are closest to your fiance’s cousin. If you really don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings don’t pick. I am calling all of them my Maid/Matron of Honor because none is more important than the other. Good luck picking.
Post # 6
@STBMrsEJT: Is FI’s cousin married? If she isn’t then ask her to be your maid of honor and have your sister (the one that chose you to be her MOH) to be your matron of honor. That way, you won’t hurt your sister’s feelings and you will choose a Maid/Matron of Honor you are close to.
Post # 7
in a similar way to @Elm tree, to avoid singling anyone out, I was once in a wedding where we were all bridesmaids, no one was called the Maid/Matron of Honor. If you had to single anyone out, I was probably the closest to being Maid/Matron of Honor – I was the only Bridesmaid or Best Man in town so I did most of the shopping with the bride, helping DIY etc leading up to the big day & I made the BM’s speech. But yeah – we all brought something different, so it was no big deal for us all to be BMs. And I know on the grooms side no-one was distinguished as best man, all groomsmen.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t ask anyone this early! You still have a year to go, and a lot can change in that time. If you’re not sure who would be best, I definitely think giving yourself at least a couple more months to make a final decision would be wise. But I wouldn’t choose based on who has the most experience planning weddings, that really isn’t what a Maid/Matron of Honor is about – it’s about who is closest to you, so I’d pick whoever that person is for you. But I would rule out anyone who is going to criticize your choices, you don’t want someone like that as a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 9
This is a sticky situation. If I were you, I would either make my sisters co-MOHs or have no Maid/Matron of Honor. Personally, I think it would be rude to choose someone who is not related to you over your sisters, and also rude to choose one sister over another.
Post # 10
You could do as pps mentioned, and just have them all as bridesmaids. Ask one to hold flowers, another to sign the marriage certificate.
My normal advice on choosing the Maid/Matron of Honor is this: Who would you call at 3 AM to help you hide a body? Your answer is your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 11
@futuremrsfitz18: My normal advice on choosing the Maid/Matron of Honor is this: Who would you call at 3 AM to help you hide a body?
But that would be my very own fiance! LOL
But honestly, I wouldn’t choose any of the sisters because one of them would be hurt…. Can there be 2 Maid of Honours? Then you can have both! Otherwise you can have them as bridesmaids….
Post # 12
I think your Maid/Matron of Honor should be your best friend since it sounds like the two of you would have the most fun planning a wedding together. Since she is go-with-the flow type she will probably listen to everything you have to say and your wedding will be how you want it without other people influencing you. You should still have your sisters in the wedding though and so they don’t feel left out I would involve them in some wedding planning activities.
Post # 13
I had a similar dilemma, I had three women who all have or do play such significant roles in my life that I had a hard time singling one out. I helped me to think about not having anyone be my of hountil thinking that way, there was one girl I simply couldn’t not ask.
Though to be fair if I was just going to keep it to those three and not add in a fourth friend I would just have had them all be honored attendants. They have very different strengths. One lives close and is a DIY master, but would kill me if I asked her to give a speech. One lives far and has a toddler and just lost a baby, and while she unlikely wants to be busy overthe year will make an amazing speech. Another is my soulmate and the one that would help me bury a body at 3am, even if she had to fly in from another country to do it, she’ll make a speech and stand right next to me that day, and will plan a banging bachelorette party. And the fourth will happily do a reading and pitch in however she can. 🙂
Hope it helps! I just wanted to say you’re not alone this question drove me insane for awhile.
Post # 14
I didn’t want to pick, decided on 3 bridesmaids (2 sisters, one friend from kindergarten), no Maid/Matron of Honor, my best friend and the older of my two younger sisters will probably do the things a Maid/Matron of Honor would do according to their strengths.