Post # 1
Right now I have a MOH (my sister) and three bridesmaids. I would really like to add another friend but there is a little dilema… I have two good friends. Lets call them T and R… and I feel like I if I put one in, maybe I should also put the other in. However, FI and I are trying to keep the BP on the small side and don’t want to get carried away adding. (we have not added his sister yet and we may, which is why I am only going to add one more friend) However, I am closer with T than I am with R as of late and I know who I want to choose… R mentioned the other day that since she just got married recently that she is looking forward to going to my wedding as a guest, not being in it… she said its a lot of responsibility and she is just wants to relax. (keep in mind I just spent tons of money being in her wedding and being there for her! so that comment caught me off guard)
Well now I am torn. Do I take that into consideration and choose T, who I would love to have my by side on the big day? Should I feel bad for picking one friend over the other? I cant help feel that R would be hurt if I didnt choose her, even though she said she would rather be a guest… Do you agree or do you think she seriously needs a break from weddings? Thoughts please??
Sorry if you think I am over re-acting, I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!
Post # 3
i felt this way….it was 3 friends but although i love them all, one is clearly my closer friend than the others – i’ve known her the longest (and really became friends with the other two through her), i lived with her for a few years after college, i talk to her most every day. i went back and forth but in the end i asked just the one girl to be in my wedding. she was my 4th BP member and i didn’t want any more than that. when i did ask her she was SO touched that i felt terrible for ever considering not asking her. i think it was probably easier in my situation because there were two girls that got “left out” instead of one but i will say that neither of them even batted an eye about the whole thing and i think it seemed like a bigger deal in my head than it actually was. if you really want your one friend by your side, i think you should just ask her. it really does sound like the other one let you off the hook with her comments about wanting to come as a guest. i once made that same comment to an engaged friend who i really didn’t want to ask me to be a BM. (she asked anyways. i would have been happier if she didn’t. rude but the truth. we weren’t that close. don’t even talk now.)
Post # 4
Thanks for your input. What I left out was that R also said to me, “”If you wanted me to be a part of your day I would, but sometimes its more fun to just be at a wedding rather than be in it.” So I feel better about asking one over the other now… just don’t want to hurt feelings. I am pretty sure I will ask my friend and if R wants to know my reason for that I will tell her if she asks…