(Closed) Choosing Between Two Wonderful Guys (sorry, long!)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If a crisis happens, which one would you want there with you?  That’s usually your answer.

For me, this would be a no brainer.  My type is the stable guy: stable job, stable life, stable friends, and stable emotions.  I’ve dated the emotional guy and while the passion is exciting at first, it ends up being a major turnoff for me. 

But obviously my type is not everyone’s type.

I’d chose guy A because he has the makings of a great, stable relationship with strong foundation.  However, I’m not you.  And if you pick guy A when you really want guy B, you will regret it and think “what if.”

Post # 4
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

In my experience, you know when you’ve found the right guy… there will be no “choosing” involved because the choice will be obvious.

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Congrats on starting fresh! 🙂

This sounds like a bummer but I think really what you need is just more time. I know when I was dating sometimes it would take a while to uncover a quality that I just wasn’t down with or thought would get annoying. I have a feeling based solely on my own experiences that if you give it a little more time then more will become apparent. I would try to have all the important conversations, talk about things that are important to you (do you love dogs but he hates them?, etc.). Are you intimate with either one at all? For me that would be HUGE and an important part of the connection.

Also, I would probably tend to exercise massive caution if I sense jealousy this early. But that’s me.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 6
Member
3555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would also go with guy A. Stable, comfortable, and gets along with the people already in my life sounds good to me. Passionate and rocky don’t appeal to me much.

Post # 7
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would go with Guy A – for reasons PPs have already said. That passion might develop later, as your emotional connection grows!

Post # 8
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

For me this is also a clear choice in favor of guy A. You probably feel very close to guy B because he is more open emotionally, but guy A might just move a little more slowly. If you are looking for a lasting relationship and guy B already has some jealousy issues, I feel like he may not give you that.

Post # 9
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

Guy A. You’re already finding tiny annoyances with guy B 🙂

But I agree with @inky_1 in that if you have to choose between either of them, then chances are neither are ‘mr right’, so maybe find the best for ‘mr right now’.

Post # 10
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

You have 5 of 5 votes telling you to pick guy A. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do you feel about that? Was it a YES!? or an immediate reaction to defend guy B? It doesn’t matter what we think. Which one will you be more sorry to lose? Which one could you never speak to again for the rest of your life and be fine with that? 

Post # 11
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I completely agree with inky_1 if either one was the right guy you wouldn’t have to ask the question because you would already know.  I wouldn’t agree to an exclusive/serious relationship with either one yet.

Post # 12
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, what are you looking for right now?  Are you looking for a serious relationship and someone that could possibly be a husband and father?  Or do you just want a fun relationship and not necessarily looking for marriage?  If you want something more serious, I think the stable Guy A would be much better for you.  If you want something just for fun that you don’t see lasting forever, then Guy B sounds better.

Now of course, if the connection isn’t there, then it isn’t there.  If you’re not excited to see Guy A, then it might be better to just cut your losses.

Just make sure you like Guy B for who he is and not just lusting after him.

 

Post # 13
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Isn’t there a saying that the same fireworks and explosions that a relationship starts with, will be the same type that a relationship ends with?

I’d definitely go for the nice stable guy.  Build a good solid foundation with him and then more forward.

Post # 14
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@emmalyn:  +1 on the early jealousy being a red flag. 

@PaperFlowers:  Guys like that usually have a tendency to be controlling (in my experience, anyway) and I don’t do controlling!  On the flip side, while stability and security is definitely a plus, it doesn’t necessarily equal happiness in the long run.  I’ve seen plenty of my friends marry the “safe” guy and they are absolutely miserable.  Not always the case, but if those feelings and that passion that you seem to really want in a relationship doesn’t develop with Guy A, then what?  I say give it a little more time.  You’re still in such an early phase of getting to know these guys and this is the time that everyone is putting their best foot forward.  Eventually the ugly will start coming out! 🙂  And hats off to you for giving yourself healing time to get over your ex.  Too many girls just jump into the next thing.  Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders…you’ll know the right thing to do when the time comes!  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ask yourself, if some kind of tragic accident were to happen to both guys, who would you be most likely to stand by and support. Could Guy B become mangled and you’d still be with him even without his looks? Can you say that about Guy A? 

Someone asked me that question when I was dating FI. My immediate answer was I would always stick by him even if something tragic were to happen. Even though I already knew he was my one, it was nice hearing someone else give me another perspective that isn’t often thought about. 

Post # 16
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you need more time.  You’re still newer in the dating scene, and receiving the attention of not only one, but TWO great guys can feel pretty amazing.  If you give it a little more time, I think you’ll naturally start gravitating toward the one you want to be with.  That will be the one you’ll want to spend more time with, or wish you were with him when with the other guy.  Also agree with PP’s; watch out for the red flag of jealously.  I understand a guy who’s really interested in a girl doesn’t want to “share” her with another guy, but it’s still really early to have strong jealously feelings since you’re not exclusive and still getting to know eachother.

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