- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Hello, I am new to Weddingbee! I have a dilemma that I hope some of you can help me out with!
I recently got engaged and asked a friend of mine to be one of my bridesmaid. I know some people say to wait a bit since your mind may change, but I felt bad talking wedding to a friend (who was one of my options for BMs – it was between her and another friend) without asking asap so she does not feel left out! Well, I used to be very close to this friend and while I would say I still am, we aren’t as close as we used to be. So here’s my dilemma: I am sort of unsure now if I made the right choice.
There are a few factors, but the one that makes me uneasy is that I recently found out she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor of an ex-friend, one who I had a pretty bad falling out with and while I am over everything that happened between us, let’s just say I am still not a fan of the ex-friend (because of her personality, how poorly she treats people sometimes – even our mutual friend and her fiance, etc). I am okay that my friend is friends with my ex-friend, since she is free to be friends with anyone she chooses. However, since I want to be informed of her life, it is hard since her life is currently heavily involved with the ex-friend (whom I really don’t want to know about or talk about). Now my friend is in both of our bridal parties.
I don’t know if it says anything about the ex-friend, but my friend mentioned that the ex-friend doesn’t really have many friends. Sometimes I think my friend is too nice of a person and makes excuses for the ex-friend, while everyone else just doesn’t bother putting up with the ex-friend’s B.S. anymore (like me). I guess sometimes I wonder why my friend doesn’t see what other people see and I hate to admit it, but yes when I’m kinda down I sometimes I feel like my friend isn’t on my side by continuing to be friends with my ex-friend. I knew they were close, but by her telling me she is the Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m a bit uneasy by how close the two of them must be.
I just don’t want to worry about being talked about behind my back or whatever, which my friend says she doesn’t do but who knows. Everyone tells me wedding planning is pretty stressful, so I don’t want to worry about someone who’s in my bridal party maybe squealing to someone I don’t want to have any association with anymore. By being in my bridal party she’ll know both ups and downs and I want to confide in her without worrying about what I’m saying.
At this point, I am just apathetic towards the ex-friend, but it does bother me that my friend continues to be close to this person. Sometimes I feel emotionally immature by feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I guess it brings up issues about trust and loyalty and I don’t want to ever feel like I’m being stabbed in the back. Sometimes I wonder who’s side is my friend on? Can she be on both sides and be neutral towards us? I guess in my very childish moments, I definitely want my friend to think my wedding was way better than my ex-friend but I try to stop myself before my thoughts become too snobby.
So, can you really be friends with someone who’s very close to someone you dislike? Do I address this issue to my friend? I would hate to lose a bridesmaid or yet even a friend over this. Sorry for the rant! If anyone’s ever been in the same situation or can offer some friendly advice that’d be great!