Choosing bridesmaids

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@memo:  She might be offended but really you shouldn’t have anyone as a bridesmaid out of obligation if you can avoid it as that tends to cause issues 🙂

Post # 4
22125 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think it has to be quid pro quo — everyone has different circumstances surrounding their weddings. The question is, would you ask her to be a bridesmaid regardless of whether you had just been in her wedding?

Post # 5
73 posts
Worker bee

Nope… and honestly I would get too upset if she was offended. In my POV I think that bridesmaids should be super close to you, and not as a courtesy. But that’s only if you’re extending the same courtesy. If you’re close friends go for it 🙂 I know I’m going to have a MOH and one bridesmaid, only because my sister will be too young to carry out her MOH duties by herself (she’ll be 17) but I’m having a super tiny wedding.

Post # 6
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve been in 4 weddings over the last 8 years.  And not one of those brides is in my wedding.  Personally, I don’t really feel bad and I don’t think feelings are hurt.  I never expected to be asked to be in theirs, and I don’t feel obligation to ask them in return.  You shouldn’t feel obligated and worry over how they will feel.  It’s totally up to you if you want to ask, but ask them for the right reasons, not just because you were on of theirs.

Post # 7
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just because someone made you a bridesmaid does not mean you need to make her one of yours.  Choose the people you are closest with, those you can’t imagine NOT standing with you. 

Post # 8
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@memo:  Ask who you want to ask and don’t feel any pressure to invite someone into your bridal party. It should be only your decision.

Post # 9
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it can be a bit odd not asking someone whose wedding you were in, but I think it depends more on the relationship you have now with the person.  If it’s as good as it was when you were in her wedding, ask her.  If not, then I wouldn’t worry.  Chances are she feels the same way.

Post # 12
22125 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

@memo:  Is there maybe another way to honor her? Could she do a reading or something?

Post # 14
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Agreed with PPs.  I won’t be asking the former brides who I was a bridesmaid for to stand for me- while I’m glad they consider me a close friend, I have other closer friends and family, and I don’t want 20 bridesmaids.  This ain’t 27 Dresses, folks!

If she gets offended, she can get over herself.  That sounds harsh, but for real- if she was a real friend, she would understand.

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