- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’m sorry, but I’m at a loss here. Just this week there have been two posts about Montreal strip clubs and there are so many other posts from brides concerned about their FI’s upcoming bachelor parties. How is it that months (or sometimes even weeks) before the wedding, they are just finding out that they have different views on this – meaning the guy is all about strip clubs and having a wild time on the bachelor party and the ladies are all up in arms about them going to them. I don’t get it. Shouldn’t this have been discussed while you were getting to know eachother – during the dating period? By this point in your relationship (post-engagement), you should have worked out relationship expectations – finances, goals, what may or may not be considered cheating, whether porn/strip clubs are okay or not, how many children you may want, etc.
Sure specific things will change over the course of a relationship, but fundamental values, morals, and ideals typically don’t.
And if your values, morals, and ideals don’t match up (and it doesn’t need to be 100% aligned, but at least be somewhat close), then do not pursue a relationship with that person. You will only be left with disappointment (or left to make a difficult decision) when the issues comes up after you’ve invested so much time in the relationship. You, most likely, will not change that person. And I’ve said this before, you cannot control another person.
It concerns me that so many women (note: I’m not saying all women) seem to be so surprised that their guy is so excited about having the bachelor party and seeing strippers or their guys are cheating on them (or they fear their guy will cheat on them) – when they (the brides to be) are so strongly against it. It makes me think that some women are marrying men who may not be the men they want them to be (the type of men they truly deserve).
And we’ve all dated men who were not right for us. That’s the whole point of dating – to find out about YOUR fundamental wants/needs and expectations and then finding someone who also shares the same fundamentals.
Sorry for my rant. Someone called me out yesterday saying I was being to hard on a Bee who was concerned that her guy was going to Montreal against her wishes. I was (and still am) on her side – She was contemplating calling off the wedding if he goes (which has has every right to go if he wants); she needs to decide if she is going to put up with him going (because he is going against her wishes) or not. It totally sucks that she may have to make that decision months or weeks before their wedding.
Anyway, that is just my PSA for 2012. Flame away if you want… I just wanted to get that out there.