Choosing your bridesmaids – ever felt obliged?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I will straight up tell I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times, and not one of those brides is in my wedding party.  I am still friends with 3 of the girls today though.  Since being in their weddings, two of them have moved out of state, so our relationship is mostly long distance.  The third I am closest with, but we ultimately decided on no wedding party (just MOH and BM).  I never once felt obligated to pick any of them, and I don’t feel like a bad person either.  They all understand, and there are no hard feelings.  They are all invited and I’m excited to see them all again.

Post # 4
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I felt obliged to ask one BM, but not in the way you think. I went back and forth a lot before asking her, because though she a great friend, she’s also a drama queen sometimes, and I was afraid of what could happen. However, I really and truly wanted to believe that everything would be alright – that was the “obligation” part.

How’d it work out? Well, the wedding is basically 2 months away, and she spent yesterday stirring up trouble via social media, and causing a lot of problems. I’m actually not sure how it’s going to play out.

Lesson learned: listening to what your gut is telling you, and make GOOD choices, not comfortable ones.

Post # 5
Member
8702 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Nope. My wedding, my bridesmaids.

Post # 6
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have had friends literally ask to be bridesmaids and tell FI to talk me into making them bridesmaids. I already have 6 bridesmaids, I did feel kind of forced to have FI’s sisters as BM but there family so I knew that was needed to do be done and don’t regret that or anything. The ones that are asking I would have as bridesmaids but I don’t really want 15 bms lol

Post # 7
Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m planning on asking my three best friends and my two future sisters (FI’s sister and my brother’s girlfriend). The thing is, FI will have six guys to my five ladies and he’s not a fan of uneven numbers.

I have other close friends but none on the level of my besties… I offhandedly mentioned to my mom about possibly choosing one of my cousins for a sixth and she thinks it’s THE GREATEST IDEA EVER, and if my mom says anything to my aunt and uncle I’ll pretty much have to choose her. I’m kicking myself for even mentioning it because I’m so not down with the idea of choosing someone for the sole purpose of evening out the numbers.

Post # 8
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I chose not to do bridesmaids for this reason.  I’m just having my sister as MOH and FI is having his sister as the “best woman.”  I have two separate tight-knit groups of friends, one from college and one from high school.  It would be hard to pick and choose from them without feeling like I would be hurting someone’s feelings, and I can’t have 15 bridesmaids!  Plus I’m going to end saving both myself and my friends money this way.  I’m still going to invite my closest friends to come get ready with me, do speeches, etc. 

 

Post # 9
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your wedding, your wedding party. I was a bridesmaid for a friend and while I considered her for bridesmaid (maid of honor, perhaps), I knew it would kick up a stink with two of my other friends, so I decided to go with a more neutral friend (I’m closer to him anyway). Friend I was bridesmaid for offered photography services as a gift and the girls who would make a stink don’t even want to be invited, so everything worked out. But pick who you want. You don’t want to look back on your day and regret picking your cousin over your friend because your family told you to. 

Post # 10
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have done that and it’s sister/FSIL.  So I know no matter what, at least having them in the picture will have meaning.

Post # 11
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve never felt obliged. I have had to choose another one because my cousin (who I had originally chosen) will be 41 weeks pregnant by the day, if she hasn’t already had the baby. But I knew that if one of my girls had to drop out for whatever reason, the BM I chose in my cousin’s place would be the next I’d ask. I just knew. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was obligated to pick one friend as a bridesmaid because she was travelling far to be at my wedding. That was a big mistake. I hadn’t hung out with her for years and I didn’t know she had changed to a jealous person and a drama queen. I get annoyed when I look at my photos.

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My grandmother pitched a fit that I’m not having my 8 female cousins as bridesmaids but I’m having one of my second cousins in it. While I love my 8 cousins and we see each other at family events, I’m not at all close wtih them. We  don’t call one another, never hango ut besides at family stuff, and I don’t even have 6 of their phone numbers. My second cousin flew my FI and I down to visit her for vacation right after we got engaged to celebrate and because she knew we needed a vacation but didn’t have money to spare from the ring/my new car. We talk multiple times per day via texting and she’s one of my closest confidantes. My mom pressured me to have the oldest girl cousin because we were close as very small kids and to have her as a “symbol” of my cousins, but I just think picking one will hurt feelings–regardless of my justification. My grandmother was so offended that I’d rather have my best closest friends as opposed to me family. She’s a little nuts though ahahha she called me an atheist on the beach because we’re getting married in a garden and not a church. Anyways, I digress…

 

anyone else pressured to include cousins?

Post # 14
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I felt obligated to include my 2 sisters after realizing I had included my cousin*, but not them. I’m definitely closer with my cousin, but didn’t want to stir the pot.

* I also had included my SIL before my sisters, as I felt she’d be a very good help organization-wise… plus she had missed 2 other family weddings, and I wanted to make her feel like a bigger part of the day.

Post # 15
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The only bridesmaid I felt obligated to have is my FSIL.  We aren’t close, but FI wanted me to ask her and she is really excited about it.  Luckily I didn’t have to exclude anyone by asking her– she is just an extra person I hadn’t planned for so FI added another person on his side to even it out. 

Post # 16
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2001

I felt obligated to have my FSIL but its ok because I like her alot.

I felt obligated to have my cousin. I was in her wedding. We aren’t that close but family peer pressure got the best of me 🙁

Then I had one friend from HS who randomly threw the world’s biggest fit that she wasn’t in the wedding. I just didn’t care because I rarely see her. Seriously some people! What did she want me to do have 13 bridesmaids? Because there would have been about 12 people I would have asked before her.

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