Chore solutions

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not trying to be harsh here but it just sounds like your husband needs to buck up and be mature about the house getting clean. It ‘fatigues’ him to see you clean. Seriously?!

Not cleaning isn’t an option for me, my house has to stay clean. One person quitting seems silly because it isn’t necessary. Hiring a cleaner seems silly as well because you don’t need it. You two can work together and clean a house. Either you just do it all and tell him to shut it when he complains or you split it 50/50.

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@kay01:  It sounds to me like he’s being a bit of a baby. Not many people enjoy cleaning, but it comes with home ownership (or even with renting your own space). Of course there are tons of things you’d rather be doing, but it still needs to get done or else your house will look like an episode of Hoarders *shudder*

If he helps you, it gets done faster. Tell him to grow up. Plenty of people work full time and still take care of their home. Not only would it be embarassing to have people over (who probably wouldn’t even want to be over), but I personally wouldn’t want to live in a dirty house. He needs to get on board with helping you and not complaining about it. Period.

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Birdee106:  +1, exactly. I’d never contemplate quitting my job to clean a house. I work my job AND clean my house. My FI helps. Neither of us like it, but we do it. End of story.

Post # 6
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your husband needs a serious attitude adjustment. It should not fall on you to fix this problem, and for god’s sake, don’t quit your job to clean for this guy who is so ungrateful!

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

50/50.  Most men have to be prodded to do housework and then they complain about it; it’s in all of the marriage and relationship books.  Nobody likes doing chores but they have to get done.  You don’t make 100% of the mess so it’s not fair for you to have to do 100% of the cleanup and a dirty house is out of the question.

How much weekly cleaning is being done?  Can it be done bi-weekly with little cleanups every day?  We do a big clean once a month but we both constantly clean up after ourselves and each other so the house stays relatively clean.  Obviously when we have a child things will be a bit more difficult until the child is old enough to help out but really it only takes us 5-10 minutes tops to straighten up the house each evening which includes doing the dishes and wiping down the countertops.

Post # 9
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

When he was growing up, how were household chores handled? I’m just trying to see if he has some sort of unusual experience that would explain his POV or something. Why would he want certain chores to never be done? It’s just strange.

 

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@kay01:  A suggestion I have is to sort the chores. There are certain things that I hate – such as dishes that don’t fit in the dishwasher. FI takes care of that. I also hate picking up dog poop and any outside work so FI does that too. He hates laundry, dusting, and cleaning floors, so that is my job. Maybe find out what he especially objects to and you handle those chores and he does the rest. I would rather listen to him complain than be his maid.

We do hire a cleaning lady because we hate to spend all of our free time cleaning the house. However, there are still things that need to be done when she isn’t around. Sharing the chores works well for us and I think you two need to find a balance that works. Of course, if he is depressed, then he probably doesn’t feel like doing much of anything…and if he won’t get professional help, then it is pretty hard for you to fix.

Post # 11
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kay01:  Have you asked him if he would be happy sitting in filth? Is his solution that you just don’t clean?

I wouldn’t say that I enjoy cleaning but I do see it as a wifely duty. I’m sure a lot of women are turned off by that statement but I’m old fashioned and don’t mind it at all. My husband is a neat freak though so it helps that he keeps his stuff clean.

Honestly, if I were in yours shoes, I would tell him to give off his butt and clean the freaking house. I understand he could be having a hard time with work but so is my husband. So are a lot of people. Not an excuse to be lazy and give up on responsibilities. Talk to him and find out which chores he would be willing to do. Start small. Say that he can mow the grass and help with dishes but you’ll do the rest. Slowly work his way into helping out.

Post # 15
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

@kay01:  

Chores he thinks we need do never: Putting away laundry, cleaning tub, vacumning, mopping/spot cleaning, cleaning microwave, dusting

Your house is going to be cluttered, dusty, and

Chores he thinks we should do a lot less frequently: Sheets, cat litter, toliet

smelly.


Is he for real?  He can’t have it both ways, not cleaning and not paying someone to clean.  This isn’t a frat house.  He needs to grow up and you need to be more firm about sharing the chores fairly.

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