- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2001
I have been bottled up about problems with my MIL for months maybe even years now. I don’t know what to do because I want to like her and have a good relationship with his family. But it’s so hard and I simply don’t understand her and I can’t take it anymore. She is really traditional/rigid/close-minded and is really hard to read.
When I first met her 3 years ago she was down right cold. I could instantly feel her judging me and she acted pissed around me. That week at their house was so hard and awkward. After that trip, FI kept saying how much she liked me and things got better. However On their last recent trip to see us, his parents were so judgmental and embarrassing to be in public with. They are both very small town but regardless, there is no need to openly bash and embarrass people who are different from you. For example, his Dad would make offensive comments to homeless people, people who he thought were gay and even people with unnatural hair color to their face. (ie. Knocking on cardboard boxes downtown saying “is anyone in there???” And “Just a bunch of weirdo flamers around here”) The worst part is they think its funny. I have never experienced this intolerance. This makes me not respect them. I don’t want my children to think its ok to offend people just because they are different from you. I was not raised that way and I can’t turn a blind eye.
Now come to the wedding stuff she is texting me CONSTANTLY about the wedding. We have really different opinions about the wedding and tries to guilt trip me into caving to her ideas every day. Every time I get a text from her I get upset because I feel like she is judging me and questioning my every move for the wedding and now the whole planning process unenjoyable and stressful. It seems like once we have established and settled something in planning, she finds a way to stir the pot with drama. She thinks there is no need for formal RSVPs and requests all this extra stuff for the wedding but it not willing to help with cost. When she texts to ask what she can do to help, she flat out refuses my request. Passive aggressiveness is her weapon. We told them that we had to cut the late night snack becuase of budget. She replies how everyone on her side of the family was looking forward to it and that we couldn’t cut it. Implying guilt, stress and added cost for us.
So after about 4 months of biting my tongue about all these issues, I finally had FI talk to them about it last night. They both blew up and I have no idea how to move forward. FI and I aren’t even talking right now because the situation is so bad and I don’t know how to move forward. It’s pushing a wedge between us.
I am in no way saying I am perfect (and I am super stressed because there is so much going on besides the wedding) but I am dying for encouragement, prayers and advice on this situation. It’s so hard because I want to do what God would love me to do but I can’t help but want to scream everytime I get a text from her.