- 2 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Hi there bees… I come to the christianity boards in hopes to find some non judgemental posts from unbiased christiams as I’m in a bit of a pickle.
So my dear old dad was a meth addict throughout my childhood. Mom and dad divorced when I was two but I was sent for two months every summer. Half the years he was gone and left us in the care of my wonderful grandma and we wouldn’t see him all summer, the other half we wished we didn’t see him. He singled me out with hatred and always brought us into the worst possible situatipns. In all honesty its amazing we lived through it.
Through my life I went through an extreme phase of hatred toward him. That eventually turned into guilt, the most umhealthy kind that kept me continuously in his dangerous path… back to anger when he put my first borns life in danger and I swore off all ties with him.
It wasn’t until the last two years that I became closer with my faith and understanding and belief of grace. With this my life and entire outlook changed. I no longer saw my dad as a man who ruined my childhood but as a man with a disease that was ruining his life. I was able to see that none of us are without faults and if I have hopes of being forgiven, so should he. I forgave him and became at peace with everything.
I decided to keep physical distance to keep myself and my family safe but provided him with my phone number, sent pictures and told him I understood and no longer was angry.
Over the last year, the years of drug abuse has caught up and he’s been in and out of icu monthly. He has heart and kidney failure and his lungs continuously fill with fluid. They don’t expect him to make it to August.
So my brother is making a final trip to see him. I feel like I should go to give him peace of mind as his is a devout christian as well.
But problem is I have an 8 week old baby, I can’t take her as I don’t feel comfortable having her around him nor riding in a car on the interstate for six hours. So she will stay with DH.
I just don’t feel comfortable with that though, we will be gone at least 36 hours out of state. I’m also breast feeding and her constant care taker. She is already very attached to me. I worry about it causing her to be really fussy and DH isn’t knowledgable on how to calm her much. I just have this extreme discomfort of leaving her behind for so long tgis young.
My eldest daughter though is spending the summer with her dad and he lives only fourty five minutes from my dad and we will be able to see her for a couple hours with her favorite cousin. She is only six and really misses her so I think it would be good for her.
So I don’t know what to do, I’m at peace with him passing as I’ve known for some time to expect it. I’m content with our relationship and do not feel like I will regret not going but would it be the “christian” thing to do to go? Would it be ok to stay? I feel like it would be good for him but I worry about leaving my baby.
If you made it this far I thank you. And please, any advice is appreciated.