Post # 1
Did anyone decide not to go through counseling? We have the option of counseling through our church but it’s not required because we aren’t getting married in the church and we’re having a friend perform the ceremony. I honestly don’t think there is anything else to learn about each other. We know how to raise the future children, our goals in life match, who will pay the bills, how we argue and resolve issues, etc… I’m just not sure if it would be worth our time. Anyone else feel the same but regret it later?
Post # 3
Although our pre-cana work is required (we’re getting married in the Catholic church), I find that the counseling is really enlightening. If you think you don’t have anything else to learn about your FI, life is going to be pretty boring from here on out. I think you should always be learning about each other. My FI and I have lived together for almost two years, so yeah, we have the day-to-day worked out. But we’ve learned a lot. I know my FI helps calm me down when I get stressed, but I didn’t quite know what I do to help him. In our sessions, I learned that my support helps him, it’s just that he doesn’t show stress the same way I do. We learned how we help each other and what works and to keep doing it.
I read an interesting article the other week about using counseling like a dental check up. Your relationship is healthy, but it just might need some occasional clean up. Married (Happily) With Issues. You should check it out. And, A Practical Wedding had a post about recommending everyone go through counseling.
Good luck to whatever you decide to do!
Post # 4
If we don’t HAVE to, we won’t go through the counseling.
Post # 5
I agree with whitesonnet….I think that is always something more you could do to strenghthen your relationship and learn more about your mate. Me and my FI will be going through the counseling not because it is required but because we want to. We both think the sessions will be helpful to our relationship and our future together. But whatever you decided i’m sure it will be fine for your relationship.
Post # 6
I really doubt you feel your relationship can’t grown anymore. Just look at it from that angle. I got WAY MORE out of our PMC than I thought I would, and we also were having another pastor (my BIL) perform the ceremony.
Post # 7
We met with the priest a couple times like it’s required in the Catholic church and it wasn’t really a counseling session as just a talking session. He then gave us a questionaire, which a lot of times the priest then goes over with you but he just told us to fill them out individually and then go over the answers. We sort of felt like you – what are we really going to learn – and I guess we didn’t learn all that much but it was still a nice thing to do and did open up some conversation about a few things we had only peripherally talked about.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the advice. I’m still up in the air but I think we’ll decide when it gets closer.
Post # 9
J has been one of my best friends for more than 8 years (before we started dating, that is), and when we started the counseling questions our pastor gave us, I was kind of like, “Oh, I know the answer to all of these” but I was surprised (pleasantly) but some of the really great conversations they led to. I could predict (most of) his short answers, but the longer ones, and the reasons behind some stuff I didn’t previously know. Plus it helped us improve our communication because we were constantly asking follow up questions. 🙂
So … I’d recommend it, because, hey, why not?
Post # 10
I love our premaritial counseling. It gives us a chance to set all the other planning details aside and focus on us (and God of course) and remember why we’re getting married. We’er going through a great workbook that has us look things up in the bible, talk about them, and list specific examples in our relationship. It addresses things like money, children. initimacy, in-laws, roles in our marriage, etc. Plus it’s a nice way for the pastor to get to know us as a couple. I have known him most of my life since he was my pastor growing up but this gives him a chance to meet my fiancee and us as a couple. And if there are any potential issues he sees then we’ll talk about them with him. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Post # 11
I don’t know anything about Catholic premarital counseling, but FI and I recently took a voluntary “marriage prep course” that was offered through our church. It was based on The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee, and I really can’t recommend it enough (or a similar course). There are a ton of strategies for everyday relationship maintenance that even the most established and bonded couple won’t have thought of – there usually just isn’t enough time in people’s lives to care for maintaining the relationship the way you’d maintain anything else you’ve invested in. It’s my opinion that pre-marital work, through both counseling and just reading books like the one I mentioned together, would prevent a lot of couples from going through the conflict later on that can lead to divorce.
Post # 12
We are not doing marriage counseling for a few reasons. One is that we home fellowship, so we don’t technically have a pastor. Another is that we really don’t feel comfortable discussing intimate topics (and I mean all sorts of intimate topics, not just sex-related ones) with a third party. We believe that there are some things that should just be between a husband and wife. Thirdly, we think there’s a lot more to gain from having dinner with some “older” married couples who can give us their nuggets of wisdom, and their varied perspectives, rather than hearing just one viewpoint on all the topics that are covered in marriage counseling.
Post # 13
We are doing marriage counseling! I would def. recommend it!! We have had so many issues brought up that we thought we had undercontrol and with counseling it just gets into it a little bit deeper- which is a good thing. It can be really fun too!! I would go for it!!
Post # 14
Counseling was fun and just like the other bees said, you will never finishing learning things about eachother.
An annoying but true saying that I can’t seem to escape: “The more you know, the less you know”
I would recomend doing it, you can never look back with regret if you do it now.
Post # 15
We’re doing remote marriage counseling since the priest marrying us lives in Pittsburgh and we’re in NYC. He sent us some books to read and a Perspectives workbook to complete, and I have to say – I find the exercises really FUN! Sure some of the answers FI gives I could already guess and some of the topics we’ve already dealt with, but it gives us an opportunity to elaborate on certain areas more, share stories from our childhood and be sure as time goes by we’re growing together. Our relationship is great now, and I fully intend to keep it that way for the next 50+ yrs. Any help along the way is great!
Post # 16
Our counseling was great (even though FI hated the idea at first) and I would highly recommend it. But there are different kinds, so it only works if you find the one suited to you and your FI. Our sessions were really not so much about discussing items in front of the Priest, but rather talking about HOW to discussing things and we had “homework” to do as far as discussion topics we needed to have at home. There are basic things that people don’t do or talk about before they get married because you think you’ve got it all figured out. Counseling opened our eyes. What’s the harm?