- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I would love to tell you guys about how I have been the model participant. How I keep quiet even when other people bring up marriage, how I have not nagged ONCE since the challenge started, and how smoothly this has all been going.
Except I can’t because I basically failed as soon as the challenge started, and then just kept continuing failing up until yesterday. 😛
I doubt many people noticed but I took a little break from the boards for a while. Last I was here I was about to go on a romantic vacation–one that I knew he was NOT going to propose on–and the challenge had just started. I was really hoping that the challenge, and the knowledge that a proposal was still a ways away would help me from freaking out about the fact that we’ve been together 6.5 years now and nothing. But it didn’t. I still couldn’t hold it in and basically freaked out on him ONE day into our vacation. (Does not help that I was drunk–I seem to have trouble holding my composure on this topic then.)
My main concern really is that he has honestly NEVER brought up a future (in that way) together. Nothing about buying a house, or having kids, or “when we’re married”. We can make decisions about where we’ll rent next, or vacations a year away, but just nothing to do with marriage. At almost 30 this was starting to freak me out, and basically at this point I just wanted some indication that he was thinking about this, and that I wasn’t wasting my time in this relationship.
So after that little scene I decided to rein in my posting and talking about anything proposal related for a while. I had a couple other naggy little comments that I snuck in from time to time, but no major scenes.
Up until yesterday at a holiday party with his friends. Again, alcohol was involved… (Maybe I should just stop drinking instead of stopping my posting here!) Anyway, after a few drinks one of his friends said something about us getting married or something, and I basically told her I don’t think he’s ever going to propose. So she kind of took me aside (in a private place! Don’t worry this didn’t come out in front of all 50 party-goers) and we had a nice long chat about it. That should have been enough to let all of my crazy out, but unfortunately, that was not so. I ended up just going into a private room to kind of chill out before going back to the party, but my Boyfriend or Best Friend found me and I went totally crazy. Ugly crying, and just begging him to make a damn decision, and if he wanted to break up fine, but that I couldn’t go on waiting forever without any hope.
He–as is usual for him–didn’t really say anything.
We had a long drive home the next day where I gathered my thoughts, and when we got home I asked him if we could talk about this. We had a really long talk about why he has waited so long, and what his concerns about marriage are. The good things is that it’s not related to me. He told me that he doesn’t want to break up, and that he sees himself with me, and that he hasn’t told me that he WILL propose because nothing is 100% until it actually happens, not because he doesn’t WANT to propose. And that a lot of it just has to do with resistance to this part of his life. He has a lot of things on his plate as he goes into his 30s and he’s basically frozen with indecision on all of them.
It was just a really really good talk where we both got our concerns out there, we worked through them together and I felt really really–just close to him, and it made me feel like a marriage between us could really work because once I was able to get his concerns out of him (he is a TOUGH nut to crack when it comes to anything emotional) we were really able to communicate with each other so well.
At the end of it he asked me what my ring size was. 🙂
I told him that I would wait for a bit longer, but that if nothing had happened in a couple months that I would just check back in with him to make sure we were still on the same page.
He said hopefully I wouldn’t have to wait that long!
If you made it this far–thanks for reading! Now that at least we’ve had this talk and we’re in a good spot I’m going back onto the challenge, and hopefully just glide calmly along until he has the time to get the ring and pop the question.