Post # 1
I’m on my phone, so I apologize for typos in advance.
Here’s the situation. FI is an EMT that works at a fire station and his shifts are 24 hours long. He was originally scheduled to work December 23 and be off for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I am scheduled to be off of work December 23-25.
I thought it would be nice for us to go up to my moms house in lake arrowhead the 24-25. A few weeks ago, someone asked him if he could work for them on Christmas Eve. He wanted to take it because it would be an overtime.
I can’t say I was really on board with this. The holidays are really important to me, and I was disappointed that he wanted to work. We hadn’t decided if he should pick it up because it would always lead to a heated discussion.
He’s working today and he just called me to say that scheduling called him and wants to know if he can work Christmas Day. So now it’s gone from he might work Christmas Eve to he will definitely work either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and he wants to know which I would prefer. I’m sad because I feel like it’s a lose lose situation for me. It looks like he’ll probably will end up working Christmas Day, and I’ll spend the day alone. He says I can come to the station, and I’m sure I will, but I can’t help feeling like Christmas is just kind of ruined now.
Am I being a big baby, or would you be upset too?
EDIT: I realize that as an EMT, he will often have to work holidays. My issue isn’t that he has to work many holidays, but that he is picking up an extra shift on a holiday. I wouldn’t care if it were any other day, and I’m used to his schedule.
Post # 3
I might be a little bit upset, but you kind of have to adjust to the situation. I don’t think Christmas is “ruined” by any means. YOu can still go to the station and spend it with him.
Post # 4
I would be upset too! And I would encourage him to work Christmas Eve rather than Christmas. I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas day alone, but I wouldn’t care so much about Christmas Eve. And if he does have to go to work on Christmas, I would pack up Christmas dinner and bring it to him, if possible. Try to make the best of it.
Post # 5
@Boston Bee: The thing for me is that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are tied for importance basically in my family, so it’s hard for me to let one or the other go. Unfortunately FI doesn’t really understand this because he doesn’t like the holidays really.
Post # 6
I would be upset too, because he is changing plans at basically the last minute.
But why do you have to be alone? Can’t you go to your moms house and spend Xmas with her?
Post # 7
I think it is considerate of him to ask you what you prefer. You are not being a big baby for wanting to spend both days but I think there should be an understanding that the money he is making on over time will essentially benefit the both of you.
Suggestion: pick a day in the future, that he can take off, and make a special day out of it.
Post # 8
@Cory_loves_this_girl: I’d be upset, too. It’s not like he’s being assigned work; he’s volunteerng to do extra work when he would have had the day off. I’m all for industriousness & making money when you can, but it’s also important to spend time together, especially around the holidays. This sounds a little work-aholic to me. It’s only 2 days that he’d be off, anyway — he should just enjoy it and relax with you.
Post # 9
I’m in healthcare so I usually have to work a major holiday. We’ve adjusted to it and it sounds like you’ll have to as well. Especially since you said your FI doesn’t like the holidays anyway, just go to the station and spend time with him.
Post # 10
@country chic: Yeah, welcome to being married to an EMT/cop/fire fighter/doctor/nurse/other hospital worker/and the list goes on…
Better get used to it!
Post # 11
why don’t you go visit your mom still so you aren’t alone?
It sucks but I mean I’d totally work the holiday if I got paid overtime for it and would want FI to, also. We get to spend every other day together, the holidays are just one day. But, that’s just us. You guys will have tons of other holidays to celebrate together – this is just one year.
Post # 12
@kerensa: My moms house is about 2 hours from where we live and we were going to drive together. He’s have to be back by 7:00 AM Christmas morning, so I’m not sure how that would all work =/
@karineh: That is his point of view too, that the money will benefit us.
@stillme: That was my point as well. He worked thanksgiving because he was already scheduled and I never complained. I told him that if he was already scheduled to work those days, he wouldn’t have heard a peep out of me. He’s not a workaholic, but he does have an incredibly high need to provide. I’m pretty sure that’s what this is. I can’t fault him on that, but why does it have to be these days?! Ugh.
Post # 13
@RedAngelDreamer: I wouldn’t complain at all of he was already scheduled, I’m just having a hard time with him wanting to pick up another shift on a holiday. Any other day, I wouldn’t care one bit.
Post # 14
I know it is hard but he is an EMT and therefore will always have to deal with these issues.
Be proud of the work he does and practice screaming quietly in the closet sometimes.
I know he volunteered for this somewhat but when you have 24×7 shifts to cover 365 it is paying it forward for a time in your future where he will get off 🙂
Post # 15
I’d probably be a little upset…mostly disappointed…but if he’s a EMT, you should know that he’s going to have to work some, if not most, Holidays…even if he’s offering to help somebody out. If he doesn’t like Holidays already, you’re not going to get him to like them right away. It’s probably going to take him time to ‘get it’. See if he will work Christmas Eve, but if he works Christmas Day, please don’t let it ruin your Holiday. Take him a stocking to work, have a little party with him and the other guys…make it special!
We had to go out of town last Christmas to visit my fiance’s dying grandfather…it was my 1st Christmas away from home…in 30 years…I was borderline miserable b/c nobody was really in a celebrating mood…the tree was a tiny tabletop thing…I cried on Christmas Eve and at least 3 times on Christmas Day and refused to answer the phone when my family called b/c I didn’t want to cry to them. I regret it and wish that I had been proactive in making it a fun day!
Post # 16
@Cory_loves_this_girl: Can you go to your moms without him? Is it a question of transport, or can you drive yourself? I don’t see spending the holiday alone if you can go to your moms rather than sitting around the house feeling sad?