Post # 1
I am sorry, this is not wedding related at all but I need to vent. Things with my parents have never been great. Honestly, i’m surprised they are still together (they have discussed divorce for as long as i can remember…). This past fall, my mom ended up kicking my dad out of the house for awhile because, get this, she cheated on him. How does that work? How can she do wrong and then kick my dad out? He camed and lived with my FI and I for a few weeks and worked the whole time to get my mom back (why was he trying so hard when she was the wrong that did wrong?). He said he didn’t want to give up on 30 some years of marriage (the night she kicked my dad out, my mom tried giving me relationship and marriage advice…i dont think i want it from her anymore). My mom finally decided to let my dad move back in. Since then, things are hot and cold with them. Tonight, however, was really awkward for me and the FI. My mom was being a total bitch and yelling at my dad for no reason. So being funny, he picked up a piece of cheese and threw it at her and i thought she was gonna throw all of the food back at him (when he was laughing, she was screaming). After I found out my mom cheated on my dad, he begged me to still talk to my mom so I do my best to be civil with her. My sister, on the other hand, is not so good with her. Before all of this happened, things were rocky with them. My sister now refuses to speak to my mom. I’m sure it didn’t help that my mom used to get drunk and text my sister and tell her that she needs to apologize to my mom (are u getting the idea that my mom is psycho?). My sister called tonight, from Europe…she is a dancer on a cruise ship…to wish us a merry christmas and she spoke to my dad and me but would not speak to my mom. So between my parents hating each other and my sister making my mom really upset, Christmas at my parent’s house was really awkward. I was on the verge of tears on the way home because it scares me to think that my marriage could end up as screwed up as theirs is. I know that my FI and I are nothing like my parents but it’s still scary. Now that I am home, I am sick to my stomach and it’s in knots because of how awkward tonight was. I can’t wait until I have my own family and we can have our own christmas traditions and we can be happy together without the stress of my family.
Sorry this is so long. Does anyone else have issues with their families or awkward moments at home?
Post # 3
That sounds really awful! I’m sorry you had to spend your holiday like that. Hopefully you’ll learn from your parents mistakes, though, and not repeat them!
Post # 4
Sorry to hear you had to go through this. I always hear how great it is to be with family from so many people but I feel very differently. My family isn’t very close and I”m not sure anyone genuinely likes each other. The unconditional love just isn’t there.
So although, our “problems” are different, I think you have the right idea with realizing this isn’t how you want your own family with your FI to be. I think that is the best we can do.
And remember that things will always get better.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry. I know how painful this is. My FI is going through some very simlar things and to an outsider, sometimes it just seems so petty. What couldbe worht losing family over?
My feeling about your parent’s issues is that they ahve chosen to live their lives this way with one another, and even though they are your parents, if I were you, I’d stay out of it. I would not hold what one parent does against another, against said parent. Daughter or not, you do not know what goes on behind closed doors. They have made a choice to live this way, and you know…some people thirve on drama, and maybe they are like that. You’re an adult with your own life to live and you should try to stay out of their relationship drama. Esp. if it is making you sick, it just isn’t worth it. They have made choices and you should not have to suffer for them.
Therapy might help you, too.
Post # 6
I converted to Judaism when I was 23. I didn’t actually do it in order to avoid having any more Christmases–but I consider that one of the good things about it. Growing up, Christmas was when my father started drinking even earlier in the day than usual, and usually started some big fight with someone. And when he had even more time than usual to molest my sister and me. And my mother’s contribution was to tell whoever he’d picked a fight with that day that they had to apologize to him.
Not everyone got that Norman Rockwell family life. And there is nothing that you can do to create that kind of family of origin. The best you can do is a) to recognize that you are not responsible for the strife in your family of origin, and b) try to do better with your own family.
Post # 7
@menobride: i actually brought up therapy to my FI a few weeks ago and he said that i could just talk to him. I am open to talking to him but I don’t know if it’s the same as going to therapy. I also dont even know how to innitiate therapy…
Post # 8
That sure sounds awkward.
Its likely there is prob more to to parents marriage than you know. Maybe they have both cheated or maybe she cheats because they have no sex life or maybe a an open marriage trial gone wrong? Lol tmi for you I’m sure. I wouldnt make any assumptions though based on one thing your mum did. Especially when situations have been arising for 30 years. It is their marriage and their choice. No point making yourself sick over two adults making their own choices 🙂
You’ll have a wonderful marriage and happy home and maybe one say can celebrate and host christmas at your house and boot everyone out when it becomes awkward 😉
Post # 9
Let me tell you, I understand completely!!! This story reminds me so much of me when i was little. When I was about 8 my mom cheated on my dad and kicked my dad out. My brother and I would listen to my dad’s voice on the answering machine begging to talk to us kids. My mom wouldn’t let us answer it. My dad was so heartbroken. He was so in love with her. Well my mom made him move out and she ended up marrying the guy that she cheated on my dad with when I was in 8th grade. I hated him…well still do! I still have horrible remorse towards my mother for doing this to my dad. I am 25! My dad is over it and remarried now but i still can’t get over how my mother could hurt her kids like this and my father. I always saw her being mean to my dad before the whole cheating thing. I always felt so bad for him. I understand how your sister feels because it is so wrong of a parent to do this to someone, especially in front of her own kids…it truly hurts. Although, this happened years ago, I still have deep deep pain about it. I love my mom but don’t get it! It is good that your parents are trying to work things out but will just hurt worse in the end if your mother continues to be mean to your dad. you should try to have a talk with her. I am sorry you are going through this. let me know if you want to talk about it…as I said I understand more than you can believe!