Chronic illness and a wedding

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

angiedoll:   Which option would be the best for your FI?  If keeping him on the same, known regimen is the best option for him, then I’d suggest sticking with what you know works for him, rather than try something different.

You and your FI will be in my prayers.  *hugs*

Post # 3
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

angiedoll:  

I would definitely discuss all medical possibilities with him and his physician and do what’s best for his health.

A friend of mine is termanially ill and never knows on any given day if it will be a good day or a day where she ends up in the hospital. She planned her wedding just hoping for the best. The day of her bridal shower she was an hour late because her feeding/medication tube broke. The day of her wedding though things (thankfully) went as well as possible. She didn’t get out on the dance floor after their first dance, and didn’t really eat anything but she was so happy to have had her wedding and even if for most of it she just sat with her new husband watching everyone else celebrate, that was just fine. 

I think for the most part you just keep moving forward and doing what feels right for the two of you. Another friend of mine married her DH while he was batteling Cystic Firbosis and on the transplant list, their wedding was also wonderful and they kept moving forward from there. They bought their first home together, got a puppy, all while his health declined and they didn’t really know what the future would hold. Thankfully two years ago now, he recieved a transplant and is doing great. 

I cannot imagine how hard it is on both of you not knowing for sure how things will work out. I hope it all works out for the best.

Post # 4
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

so sorry you are going through this.

i don’t have any advice.  my friend went to a wedding last summer, where the bride got really sick right before the ceremony. she was able to get ready, made it through the ceremony.  did her first dance, then quietly left the reception for the hospital.  turned out her apendix burst and she needed emergency surgery.

the party did go on without her.  the didn’t make a big deal of leaving, just left.

i would say, if you and FI need to leave the party at any point, just do it.

or have a smaller, shorter reception.

Post # 6
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I have chronic health problems, but luckily I was feeling quite good for the wedding.  I’ve been to weddings before where the bride & groom took off early.  Maybe plan a fun send off that can be done whenever, so that it still feels like a party when you two need to take off.

Post # 7
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

angiedoll:  what about doing like a noon wedding? that way ot would be in between and it’s easier for him to manage during the day. just a thought. good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My DH is very ill with an increasingly life-threatening condition. In fact his options have shrunk down to “very high risk and radical surgery” or “you’ve got a very few months left”. We married over a year ago when he was much more stable. I’m very glad we aren’t trying to plan a wedding round his very much more compromised health today. He would have hated to spend the day as a patient rather than a man sharing a wonderful wedding with the people who mean most to us. 

So my advice would be to marry pre-transplant if that’s possible. Your FI appears to be on a stable, if demanding dialysis regime but the stability of it means it’ll be a lot easier to plan your day around it. If you wait until after his transplant you have the uncertainty of setting a date because of the unpredictability of discovering when a suitable kidney might become available and you also won’t know how quickly he’ll recover from the operation. 

I wouldn’t worry about having a reception that goes late into the night or doesn’t fit the dialysis pattern without considering radical alterations to his treatment. Instead, get married during the day and have a reception straight afterwards. 3-4 hours is plenty long enough!

I hope all goes well for you. x

 

Post # 9
Member
38 posts
Newbee

I work with the elderly so I only have experience with Hemo- so I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way (just ignore me if so) is there any benefit treatment wise to switching?

if not I would honestly say don’t add the stress. would it be possible with the timings of the dailies to have an earlier wedding so that you could have more time of the day? If you have a noon ceremony going til 10p is a pretty long day. Also is he currently capable to sustain through a busy 10-12 hour period? Weddings aren’t exactly slow and relaxing, would a shorter day make life easier?

I’m so sorry that you and your FI are going through this, and you are so strong. Honestly if I were in your shoes I would go get the marriage license and get married – this is the man you want to be your husband, why leave the chance of it not happening you know? Then you can have any type of wedding/reception you want, be it now or after a transplant. 

I hope everything goes well and am sending you both good vibes 

Post # 10
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

angiedoll:  Our wedding reception is going to end at 10pm since we’re getting married on Sunday, if that helps. I don’t think anyone would be upset if you had an earlier time table.

I think you should do whatever is best for FI’s health. Having a marriage license around is a great idea too. Whatever happens, if you needed to get married early, you could definitely still get weddinged later and your friends and family would understand and love it! They talk about getting weddinged a lot on offbeat bride, it’s a great website to check out. They also talk about getting married when you have a chronic illness or different ability status. I highly recommend it! 

Post # 14
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Hi I’ve had two friends who have bith gone through kidney failure and have both gotten kidney transplants. I’ve seen the struggles they faced so I have some idea of what you guys are going through.  If I was you I wouldn’t change the dialysis system that is already set up for you I would just plan the wedding and reception around the dialysis.  Everyone would understand the reception finishing at an earlier time and your future husband might be really tired by this time anyway and it might be a good way to make sure he gets the rest he needs. I prya and hope that a kidney donation comes up for your FI really soon and I hope he is feeling well at this time and for your special day. 

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