- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Hi Bees –
I’m completely confused, and in need of encouragement/advice.
I was diagnosed with a chronic illness this past year, after a dramatic onset that included months of immobility, hospitalizations, and surgery. My illness was actually the impetus for the engagement/wedding planning – we’ve been together for years, and we realized that we really wanted the legal benefits offered to married couples (health decisions, hospital visits). AND it gave me something exciting to plan while I was in the hospital – seriously, I think half of Pinterest is now my boards from those few weeks 🙂
After I finally got a diagnosis, I was put on medications that are incredibly helpful in controlling my symptoms, and I’m finally back to a relatively normal life with a managable amount of pain. However, I’ve had some serious weight gain as a side effect of the medication, coupled with my almost complete lack of exercise for the past 10 months. I ordered a dress as soon as I started feelng better, because I wasn’t sure how long the improvement would last and I wanted to shop around while I could. Now I’m terrified that my dress will come in and won’t fit because all the weight I gained. I also feel incredibly guilty for my Fiance – I feel like a “bait and switch”, because our relationship started when I was healthy and thinner, and now I’m sick and fatter. And I feel serious anger towards my body – not only did it let me down and will never work correctly again, now it feels like it belongs to someone else because I’m a shape I don’t recognize. And I haven’t been able to lose any weight, despite tracking calories obsessively and limiting myself to 1200 a day.
And the worst part – I know how ridiculous I’m being. All of this angst is so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. After being in so much pain for so many months, I know how little 20 lbs really matters. At least I can walk, at least I can stand, at least I can drive a car and go to work. But this doesn’t help with my weight issues, it just makes me feel more guilty because I know how little it really matters and I still feel depressed.
Has anybody dealt with anything similar? Or have any words of advice? i’m considering starting therapy or looking for a support group for people with my illness, but I feel sort of like a drama queen – there are so many people worse off than me, what right do I have to demand treatment for something as petty as body issues?
And another thing I’d appreciate input in – I used to run, which i can’t do anymore. Does anyone know of any exercise I can do that would put a limited amount of strain or stress on my abdomen? Physical exertion causes flare-ups, but I want to keep some semblance of cardio-vascular health, and it also might help in my weight loss attempts – or at least prevent additional gain.
I apologize in advance for any spelling errors – apparently, I am completely dependant on spell-check!