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lol! yes, some parishes charge a lot! our church fee was very high, the other fees average about the same, except our priest's suggested stipend was higher and "optional". (few opt out of the priest's stipend.) if it makes you feel better, we had to pay a second church additional fees to prepare us.
ask the coordinator if you can pay the originally quoted stipends. i don't think this counts as "negotiating" with the church, and it wouldn't hurt to ask since you seem to be caught in their transition. money is tight for a lot of people. churches try to make up for reduced collections through the revenue from weddings.
we're in ca too and our engaged encounter cost 250- malibu and santa barbara are up there with the best of them. who's padding this?
is that nfp class optional? it's covered in the ee so no one should have to pay extra for that. fishy.
yeah, those amounts are a little higher than what I have to pay, but your area cost of living might be higher than mine.
I think $300 for the coordinator is a little much, but it sounds reasonable for the talent and time of the organist and cantor. Although I agree with archibee that you can ask to pay what you were originally quoted.
My FOCCUS test was free, so that's a bummer that you're being charged for that. I can't imagine why filling in a scantron would cost $100.
In my diocese there are a couple of options for the Engaged Encounter. You can do the overnight Engaged Encounter, which is pricey because you have to pay for lodging and meals. But we chose to do a one-day thing, so it is only $85. Maybe you could ask your priest if there are any other options.
@archibee- I have to go to an additional NFP class too. Not optional. I think it might be $45 for us.
My overall feelings on church fees is that they aren't trying to rip you off. Running a church is like running a business. You can't spend more than you make in a year. You should look at your church's financial statement and yearly budgets if you are concerned about where your money is going. I'm sure it will make you feel better. It's not like the priests are just rolling in dough.
My priest has not yet told us about the fee structure. He does not like to discuss $ and it worries me a bit.
thanks for your input! you actually made me feel a lot better. Initially I was trying to look at it as they do what they can, but my mom thinks they're charging us more because we're in coastal San Diego.
@jacqi ~ we actually already attended the San Diego EE and I'm really bummed because I didn't think until after to look at Orange County, and theirs was $260. $250 would have been nice too! I guess the lesson there is more research... especially since they're all supposed to be the same thing...
I was shocked when i began to deal with the Catholic Church we are getting married in. We are having a destination wedding, so this is not our normal parish. I was always under the impression that you just made donations to the church, priest, alter boys etc. Boy was i wrong! When i first called the church to talk about potential dates i was told they would not even discuss dates with us until we gave them a $500 "donation"! Once we made our "donation" we were then told if we decided to get married at that church it would be another $500 donation to set the date! We were then told we would need a letter from our parish back home stating that it was ok for us to be married at their church. When i called up our church they told us they would be happy to do that for a $250 "donation"! We then needed copies of our Baptism certificates which cost us another $25 each. Then came time to schedule pre cana classes... $200. After pre cana classes we are suppose to schedule a meeting with the priest at our church for marriage counseling and were advised that we should tip the priest for that. On top of all of this, when we received our wedding packet from the church we are to get married in they included a list of people we should tip the day of the wedding! Not to mention the church says we HAVE to use a specific organist and soloist at $250 each. We probably would have looked for another Catholic church in the area that didn't have such strict rules, but there is only one church one the island! I was really disappointed to find out what a business the Catholic Church has become!
Here's the fees we're be paying:
Church Fee - $750
Engaged Encounter - $375 (The church sees $0 of this money EE is an independent org.)
Pre-marital Counseling - $200 (The church sees $0 of this money. This goes to a professional counselor.)
Organist - $100
Cantor - $75
Archibee - EEs are independently run and the cost will vary from city to city, as the cost of securing a venue/food changes.
Yup - my church is EXPENSIVE
Fee - $2000
Pre-Cana - $225
Candles for the church - $250
Music - $250
Total - $2,725
(so far)
i remember reading a thread about a grumpy priests blog and basically he was saying that couples spend $20K+ on weddings and then they balk at a donation to the church for performing their wedding. alot WB'ers thought he was grumpy and out of touch with the times but maybe some churches are a tired of people coming to them to get married and never see them again so they have decided they are a professional organization that should charge accordingly
im not suggesting anyone here is bitching about your fees as your posts above have been non-whiney, just saying if you are spending $$$ on paper and favours and shoes then shouldnt the acutal ceremony and vows rate a high importance in the budget & scheme of things
Eloping - That makes total sense....funny though..my church is like "no this is not a donation, this is a fee"..haha...It's fine though - It's my parish and I would regret going elsewhere.
Eloping - I agree with you. The things we're spending money on are totally worth it to me. For example the Engaged Encounter weekend and the counseling sessions - we actually got stuff out of doing that. We weren't just throwing money into a pit.
@eloping ... that was pretty much my thought process last night. Yes they raised the fee rates on me, but in the grand scheme of things ... it's still a fraction of the overall cost of the wedding and i'd much rather spend the money on that than an open bar. I think my frustration was more in that when I think I know what it will be, they keep adding up ~ for instance, I don't know how much my baptism certificate will cost. Even my mom, who is a devout Catholic and supports the church in many ways, thought the fees were adding up to be quite a bit. I would hate for someone to opt for a non-Catholic wedding because they can't afford it ..[although I'm sure if they let the church know it was an issue, they'd work with that couple...]
@lauren810c .... omgoodness that's way more than mine! I guess I shouldn't complain
@ Jojo bananas ~ I agree, Engaged Encounter was a great experience and worth an investment
That's stressful... I would see if they could stay with the quoted fees, given that money is tight for you and you're an active & donating church member. However, the other bees are right that it's tough for churches to make ends meet - I work in a church, and our plate offerings barely cover the cost of heating the building, let alone paying the pastor or running mission or programs!
I did know one pastor who told every couple that their donation to the church should be whatever their floral budget was... it's an interesting way of putting it in perspective! It's a good reminder that a lot of brides lose track of "what really matters," and the fact that *anyone* getting married in a church, ever, is contingent on the people putting money into keeping the churches open! This pastor served a pretty wealthy community, so a lot of brides would say things like "but my floral budget is $5,000!" and the pastor would just raise an eyebrow.
At my parish, its a straight out $200 fee. I have not been given a figure for the priest stipend, but I budgeted out $324 based on Costofwedding.com. I may end up giving him more because he is absolutely bending over backwards for us. I will also be paying for the musicians (if we can secure them. We're looking for an alternative solution as the chior director informed me that no one was available for the weekend of my wedding!) I'm expecting music to cost around $600. I'm also paying for altar servers though that is not the norm. Though it should be noted that paying for altar servers and musicians is unique to our wedding since we're seeking to have a High Mass in the Latin form and our serves have to be specially trained.
I'm not including the marriage prep classes as a part of the wedding. And honestly my fiance' and I took the more expensive route as we wanted to spend more time preparing for marriage rather than preparing for a wedding.
With all that said, I've been working under a $10K budget and my wedding is coming up just a little over $8K. We are not going on a honeymoon nor are we hiring a DJ. I'm having a Luncheon for the reception to save money and am going minimal on decorations. I'm getting cupcakes from Sam's Club and found a photographer who is only charging me $669.00 for the entire day of of photos plus engagements, though she's much less professional. Ultimately though I don't care about the photography all that much.
It ultimately doesn't bother us because the ceremony and preparing for marriage is the most important things to us about the wedding. As such, right now my budget shows me that my ceremony is costing me more than my reception and I'm rather proud of that.
I've never heard of a fee to get Baptismal certificates. I'm from the East Coast and we don't have to pay for them here. My church asks for $450 and that covers everything (the A/C and lighting as it is a huge basilica, the priest stipend, the alter server stipends, organist and cantor, etc).
There are other Pre-Cana classes out there besides Engage Encounter and even one online (http://catholicmarriagepreponline.com/home_usa.htm) that is approved with my Diocese (and costs $150). Check with your Diocese if these or other classes are approved, or check with your parish if they have an in-house program (which is $25 per couple to pay for workbooks and lunch) or one where a parish couple can sponsor you and meet with you (that option is free in my parish).
An easy way to save on NFP courses is go to to an NFP doctor/obgyn. Mine offers courses and then will follow up during your office visits/will answer any follow-up questions you have in the future. It's also cheaper!
Try looking at it this way...
Priest stipend: $200 ---- For the rest of the year, he pretty much works for nothing, all while serving a community of thousands of people...
Coordinator Stipend: $200 ---- This is to ensure that you have someone who can help coordinate the event/mass. Consider this a once in a lifetime fee...
Cantor Stipend: $200 ---- Nice music and a nice voice adds to the sanctity of your marriage. One time cost for a lifetime of memories...
Oragnanist stipend: $200 ---- Nice music and a nice voice adds to the sanctity of your marriage. One time cost for a lifetime of memories...
FOCCUS workshop - $100 ---- Helps you and your FI, identify areas of commonality, areas of difference, and areas of focus to improve your marriage. Think of it as being much, much, much, cheaper than a post wedding, marriage counselor. Alone, marriage counselors work for $80-$150 per hour (billable)
Engaged Encounter - $315 ---- Was this not worth it? Did the weekend not bring you and the FI closer together and foster the ideas of communication, honesty, listening, understanding, and compassion? Divide this over the next 40 years that you will be married, and it comes out to only $7.86 cents a year... which is much cheaper than a ticket to the movies...
NFP class: $50 ---- This in itself can save you tons of money, by hopefully helping you avoid an early pregnancy.
So the running total so far is $1,565 ... ---- All of these things, while they seem pricey now, all work at one thing... improving the chances of a successful marriage. By the way, divorces cost, at a minimum $10k in paperwork & legal fees. Not to mention the toll it takes on you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
GOD BLESS.... Hopefully I was able to provide a look from another perspective...
i'm not getting married in a catholic church but my ceremony fee is $2000 and a $1000 is for not being a member. they told us that everything is included, like organist, coordinator, rehearsal, marriage counseling, etc but when we broke it down, it came out to be around what you're describing. there's a bunch of other fees that we encountered, too that seem to really add up. don't fret!!! churches can be really expensive, especially big ones or cathedrals!!! good luck!! *hugs*
Well, I didn't get married in my parish, and since I got married in a Cathedral, I had to bring in my own priest. So our priest didn't charge us, but we did give him a donation. Also our pre-cana classes were where we lived not where we were getting married, so they were more expensive here. We didn't have to do EE or NFP. Here's our breakdown:
Church: $1,000
Priest: $200
Pre-Cana: $200
Organist: $150
Cantor: $125
Trumpeteer: $125
Total: $1,800
On the bright side, we got married in a very gorgeous Cathedral, so we spent $0 on flowers or any kind of decorations. All we had was the unity candle and that was $60.
OMG!!!! That's unbelievable! I'm catholic and all I have to pay is the sexton and it's 10€ per hour... so it's not going to be more than 30€ and we have a wonderful church which was build in 1792
It is so strange that you have to pay so much money in the US to get married! Over here they're happy ANYBODY wants to wed churchly... they are all doing civil marriages over here...
Here is our breakdown so far:
Church: $1000
Organist: $200
Cantor: $100
Trumpet Player: $200
Marriage Prep Weekend: $145
Total: $1645!!! (Wow I hadn't really added it up yet! haha)
We are having an our of town wedding too, so we will have to make a donation to our priest that is doing our pre Cana and a donation to the priest from the Cathedral that is marrying us... and then add in the alter boys, etc...
I was shocked how expensive it was to secure the church...
WOW... my Catholic Church requires a donation of $300.00 plus $150.00 for pre marriage classes.
And if i want the Organist or singer its an additional $150.00
Ours are:
Yup, it's expensive to get married through the church. You would think it wouldn't be so bad to encourage it more. So far we have the following:
Priest: $200
Church: $525
Coordinator/rehearsal fee: $150
Organist/soloist: $200
Unity candle/bell ringing: $20
And I hope there aren't any more surprises.
that seems like a lot. Our wedding will be in TX, and we only had to pay $500.00 for everything. priest, ceremony music, and even the flowers. The FOCCUS workshop is free; we only had to buy the book $20.00, and the NFP is free too.
Also, we get $60.00 off our marriage license by attending the FOCCUS workshop.
I thought that was expensive, I guess I am doing pretty good.
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I have a question about the amount of fees other brides are paying to get married in a Catholic church. I'm Catholic, and I've never questioned getting married in the church ... but it's starting to be a sore point with my non-Catholic fiance because of all the fees they are charging us! Last March, when I inquired about getting married at my church, the parish secretary told me it would be a $300 fee to use the church. That's fine! Then, I went in in June to sign the papers and secure my date, and she informed me of the other fees:
Priest stipend: $200
Coordinator Stipend: $200
Cantor Stipend: $200
Oragnanist stipend: $200
not to mention...
FOCCUS workshop - $100
Engaged Encounter - $315
NFP class: $50
So the running total so far is $1,565 ...
THEN, today my fiance went in to meet with the coordinator and disucss the ceremony ... and she informed us that the stipends were increased to $300 per person. That's $400 more dollars!
Is this normal? It's soo much money! And on top of the amount of money, it's getting really hard to get my fiance to be all smiley and happy about this. I know he's happy to mary me and we can't put a price on our marriage and yadda yadda, but it seems like they could charge less and be just fine ...
Not to mention I put $15 a week into the collection basket. :( I'm getting kind of frustrated, if you can't tell :(