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Oh. My. Goodness.
This is so terrible. I would have nothing to do with a religious organization that says you can't marry someone outside your religion. I bet they use the verse about being unequally yoked. Your dad is going to miss one of the biggest monumental events in your life, that to me is so sad and so wrong. I'm very sorry.
I really really hope things change.
Why try and cram yourself in to a box when you can find one that fits you? It sounds like your parents need to man up and find a new place of worship, if their best suggestion for your family is to SKIP THEIR OWN CHILD'S WEDDING. If that's a battle they want to fight, then you are doomed. I am biased though b/c I don't follow religion. I'm sorry that you're going through this..
I am so sorry! How awful for you to find this out with seven weeks left to go. Are you comfortable typing out the two different religions you and your FI are? Because this seems really unusual to me. It could help me understand a little better.
I really dislike when people use the bible as an exuse to be hurtful.
Wow. That is incredibly upsetting. Even more so that the church is manipulating your parents to not attend their own child's wedding. What religion is that?! I've NEVER heard of anyone talk about that on the boards before! I understand not being allowed in the temple for some religions, but to actually have your own church position held over your head for it?! I'm so so sorry for you; I truly cannot understand a parent choosing something over their child, as much as an importance as I know religion is.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. In my mind, religion is a place where one can be themselves, worship what they believe in, with the people they love -- No matter what religion THEY are.
No religion should put someones own FAMILY out. To me, that's not the christian way. Would God put his own children out of heaven just because they worship in a different building? No. Believing is believing. Worship is worship.
I'm with Melissabegins on this matter... It's your wedding and your family should be there. I wish I had a solution for you, but if you say your family will choose their church's demands over their own childs, that's just messed up!
I'm Roman Catholic - And I DO follow the church and her Teachings... not always popular but I do....
That being said, I'm confident to say that I CAN follow her teachings to the letter because the church would never put me in a position like this! Jesus, the trinity, the Holy Family... everything, including all of Christianity is modeled on Family and Marriage! How un-Christlike to deny attending your own child's wedding...
My parents and my aunts and uncles are Jehovah's Witnesses - my FI and I attend no church, but I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. My parents have decided to attend my wedding but as a result they have "deleted" my Dad from his position in the church. I feel very guilty that my wedding is resulting in others being hurt. My Dad lost his position, my Mom won't have her sisters there. I just didn't realize it would be this big of a deal. We have been engaged for almost a year and this is the first week that we ever heard this information. My Mom keeps reminding me tha all of my friends will be there but I am so close with my aunts and uncles. Sorry I am rambling, but I feel like I just can't think straight. I am really trying to respect everyones religious beliefs but am really struggling.
@waitingbee - every life change starts somewhere - in my opinion, this would be a good time to find a new place of worship, seriously. You only live once; why spend it feeling like crap when you could joyfully practice in another place? It's good that your parents chose you.
I'm so sorry your dad lost his position in his church. However, he is doing the right thing.
@waitingbee: Ok, that actually does make a little more sense now that I know the church you are talking about. I am willing to bet, when you are ready and have the time, you will be able to easily find a support group (whether locally or online) for people who have been shunned from their church and family. It might help to talk with people who have gone through something similar. Please don't feel like this is something you have done wrong. Shunning is unfortunately a fairly common practice with Jehovah's Witnesses.
That said, I'm happy your parents chose you and your FI in this. I'm sorry your Aunt and Uncles can't do the same.
I'm sorry that you and your family are dealing with this right now.
I'm very sorry to hear this.
I know it won't make it better, but maybe you can have a "family dinner" to celebrate, sort of a very private event, since they won't attend the wedding. Maybe in good conscience they could attend a dinner, though? This way you could see your aunts and uncles (unless you feel too burned to see them, considering).
I'd be really proud of your Dad. He made a really tough decision, given how important the church seems to be. But he weighed them and he decided you were more valuable to him. Don't feel guilty - feel blessed! It's tough that your wedding brought this decision to light, but it was not you putting him in this position, it was the Church. They're the ones who did the wrong thing. Digital hugs to your Dad and you
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is just so wrong! I cant believe they would even ask your parents to pick between their childs wedding & the church!
wow. just wow. I really don't mean to be rude here or mean in any way - but it's instances like this that make me almost want to be against religions. I'm not - at all - and am proud to be a part of my own church (even though, granted I don't go but my family still does) - but it is just so incredibly sad to hear of instances like this when religions tell you you can't do something because they don't like it. My husband is not religious for this very reason.
Regardless. I do hope you find a solution for you and your family to celebrate your (what should be) most wonderful occasion in your life. Good luck!! And I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
That's horrible! I can't even imagine the emotions you must be feeling. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, this was just an eye opener I never before thought some churches are still acting like this! It's just so worng and so unjust.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this and so soon before your wedding. I think it's wonderful that your dad is able to come now, but that is sad he will lose his position. But, he's going to be there for you on your big day!!!!! That's wonderful!!!!
This is so heartbreaking. I don't have any advice but to keep on putting one foot in front of the other. My thoughts are with you.
As soon as I finished reading your post, I knew exactly what religion you were talking about because I have heard of this happening before, not only because of a wedding but under other circumstances as well.....one being someone very close to me was shunned by her entire family....I mean they did not speak 1 word to her in months because she questioned them on why having a blood transfusion was so wrong especially if it was a matter of life and death. (They would rather die than to get a blood transfusion) She now no longer questions anything in fear that she will be ousted indefinitely. So she now sits in silence and feels alone since she truly does not share their religious beliefs. Very sad really....
I am really happy to hear though that your Father will be attending. This is truly a blessing. My Father will not be at my wedding because he died a couple months after I met my FI....but I know he will be there in spirit =)
I really wish you the best and I hope that some of your other family members decide to come to this very special and blessed day.
What a horrible thing. I'm so glad your parents are going to support you. Please don't feel guilty. Lots of people interpret religion in lots of different ways - and I'm glad your parents aren't letting some guy on a power trip make them miss their daughters wedding. My feeling is that any religion that tries to isolate their members or prevent them from interacting in society has many things to hide itself.
I'm so gld your parents will be there to celebrate your marriage.
troubled My feeling is that any religion that tries to isolate their members or prevent them from interacting in society has many things to hide itself. DITTO
Best wishes as you and your FI get ready for your wedding.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I was speechless after reading your post. I just figured in this day and age...wow.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this and I am glad that your Dad has decided to come. I hope your other family members come around in time for your special day.
Being in this situation sucks but thank you America for freedom. Without it you, your FI, and your family couldn't choose your own beliefs, religion, creed. I am sending you positive thoughts all around.
That is absolutely horrible. I can not imagine a church or religion that would be so closed-minded that they would forbid some one attending a wedding. A wedding is to celebrate a union, not a rally to convert people to another religion. My in-laws are DEVOUT Catholics - like they go to mass almost every day. Yet I did not hear a peep about me not being Catholic or having a non-Catholic wedding.
While I am a deeply spiritual person, I do not follow just one religion because I never understood how in one church something can be ok and in another the same thing is a sin.
Anyway, I would be very proud of those in your family who are sticking by you.
Thank you so much for all you kind words, you will never know what they have meant. I know this too shall pass, I just need some time for it to be less painful. Thanks again hive. This is why I love ya'll
I just can't believe this and I'm sorry for you and your family to have to make such a hard decision. I too agree with others that maybe you can have a family dinner to celebrate. You don't even have to call it to celebrate for the wedding. My Dad and Step-mom had a ceremony with just us kids. Then a year later had a Holiday Party and served fancy food/drinks at their home. They had the week of their one year aniv. We knew that it was their wedding party but everyone else took it as a housewarming/holiday party.
Hang in there
Sorry to hear about this. Jehovah's Witness are notoriously strict- you're either with them or against them. I wouldn't be surprised if your dad was shunned for this. I agree with edina, there are online communities and IRL communities for people that have been shunned that your dad should check out if he has a hard time with this. I'm so glad your parents chose you, and as melissabegins said, this could be the starting point of a whole new way of life for your parents- a wake up call, if you will. Good luck with everything, I'm sure your wedding will be great now that your mother and father are there! It must suck that your extended family won't be there but really, it sounds like they are not very supportive anyway.
I don't know much about your family's religion but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that this is happening around such an important milestone in your life and your entire family's lives. My aunts/uncles/cousins are really important to me too and I would have been devastated if they were unable to attend for something so divisive as this situation (I was disappointed that some couldn't come because of conflicts in their schedules, nevermind something so intense!)
Sending you hugs and wishing you a joyful approach to your wedding - I'm so happy your parents will be there and I'm sure your other relatives will be with you in spirit.
Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. I am glad your parents chose you, though. I've always been a great believer in "Love the sinner, hate the sin" - you can go on loving someone even if you don't approve of what they do or the choices they make.
I knew of something similar with a friend of a friend - she wanted to be married in her college chapel, not in her church at home, and her dad not only didn't attend her wedding, he forbade all family members for attending. I can't imagine being so cruel to my child.
I really hope your family are able to find a way through this.
Oh wow... that's not cool! I'm glad your parents are sticking by you!
As a non-denominational Christian, I don't see it as very "Christ-like" to tell someone not to go to their child's wedding! (I also wouldn't refuse to go to someone's wedding because of their religion or lack therefore! It's their personal choice!)
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Hi hive,
I am just so sad, I couldn't even sleep last night. My FI and I have been together for 6 years and we are getting married in 7 1/2 weeks. My FI is a different religion than my parents and their siblings, though we have always been welcomed to every family function and event. Our invites went out about a week and a half ago and we started getting immediate responses most from my aunts and uncles which I was so excited about. Then Monday my Dad calls to say that one of the "higher ups" in their religion told them they should not be attending our wedding because my FI isn't the same religion as me and we are going against the bible. All of my uncles and my Dad hold high positions in the church that are being threatened if they attend our wedding. I am just sick, I never realized this would happen. And due to my families strong convictions they will choose their religion over my wedding, which I understand but am still utterly heartbroken. My Mom has 6 siblings and my Dad has 2. I know the hive can't fix this but I didn't know who else to tell.