Post # 1
Hi, everyone. My husband and I got married at the courthouse with two witnesses four years ago due to immigration and insurance issues. I kept my name at the time because I was applying to medical school and didn’t want to confuse my applications. We didn’t have a reception afterwards, we didn’t solicit gifts, etc.
We would like to get married in a church (he’s in the process of becoming a Catholic) with a full nuptial mass in front of all our family and friends and have a party afterwards to celebrate. Our families and friends all know that we are married.
We are NOT having any bachelorette parties or wedding showers or anything like that.
1. Is it OK to have a small wedding party (2 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen)? Would it seem silly?
2. Is it wrong to wear a white dress and a tux for him?
3. Is it OK to register for presents? Would that be really tacky since we’ve been legally married for a few years now? I’ve read some posts where people have actually thrown themselves a shower AFTER the civil ceremony as well as trying to get gifts for both a civil and a church ceremony that were held at different times, which I thought was inappropriate. Is it inappropriate in this case as well?
4. I’ll be graduating from medical school the week before we’d like to have our church wedding. Is there anyway to combine our celebratory events (graduation is less important to me btw) or should I have a small graduation party afterwards. I personally think it’d be overkill to have two separate parties–definitely seems like gift-grubbing then, no?
Thanks in advance for any help.
Post # 3
I think it’s fine and if anybody ever tries to tell you otherwise, tell them it’s your wedding and you just want to celebrate. People will have their ideas on what you’re trying to do but just let that slide. Don’t let it get in the way of your being happy and celebrating love!
Not familiar with the religious aspect of it and whether that may impact the white dress or anything..Outside of that, registering for gifts, etc., I think it’s a great idea. You can have as large of a bridal party as you want.
Post # 4
Agreed. My friend got married last year at the JP, and they are now having a church ceremony next month, she’s having 4 bridesmaids, wearing a white dress, they have registered for gifts, and had a bridal shower. Nobody thought any of this was weird. I think it’s great to celebrate with all of your friends and family, and what an awesome way to celebrate your graduation too! Congrats!!
Post # 5
You deserve your wedding, go for it! I would just be very sensitive that not everyone needs to bring gifts if they don’t feel its appropriate by not publishing your registries but letting your families and bridemaids spread the information by word-of-mouth. Although I think your loved ones will probably be more than happy to give and celebrate with you. At least I know I would be if I were one. Congrats!
Post # 6
Go for it. Agreed that you shouldn’t push registries, but in a lot of peoples’ eyes (my future MIL included, unfortunately), only church weddings are "real" weddings. So by all means, go all out!
Post # 7
Thank you everyone. You’ve made me feel better. I was just doing searches online and was reading some really nasty comments about this kind of situation which really surprised me as I didn’t see the big deal. In fact, I feel with military deployments, it seems more commonplace.
I definitely like the idea of keeping a registry quiet. Thanks everyone. If someone has a differing opinion, I’d like to hear it too.
Post # 8
I’m having one after 5 YEARS!!! my response to anyone that’s negative…
"go suck a lemon" or my favorite… "get a life, mine is none of your business!"
Congratulations and don’t feel bad!
Post # 9
I would let guests do what they want about gifts…because if you "let it know" that you don’t want gifts…everybody assumes you’re asking for money…I don’t want anything but to have my family and friends present…if they want to give us something then THANKS!.
Post # 10
I think that registering is just a nice way to let people know what you need should they want to get you a gift. As long as you don’t push the issue of the registry (just make information available as people ask) it shouldn’t be a big deal. After all, the invitation doesn’t obligate anyone to send a gift, so if they have some issue with the gift-giving, they can just not give.
I don’t know that I would throw a separate party for the graduation, although if you would tend to invite different people, if that party would tend to be less formal, and if you just want a separate celebration, I don’t know why you shouldn’t have one. Especially if there is either a smaller group who would like to separately acknowledge your huge accomplishment, or if you have school or work friends who would be invited to the graduation bash but not the wedding, you should probably consider having both! My experience with graduation is that if you even send announcements without throwing a party, people who are inclined to send presents will do so – so having a little celebration and including those people would be a nice thing to do.
Post # 11
Two of my friends had their chucrch wedding plus reception about a year after they got married at the town hall. Both were "international" couples and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Wealso have friends, a couple where he is Indian and she is Swiss. They had a wedding in India then wedding in Switzerland few months later.
Everybody does what is right for them and people will just have to get over themselves.
Post # 12
It’s nice to know a person just like me. I got married in a court house too two years in a half ago and now we are planning our church wedding for next year. I have heard many stupid comments that I have already had a wedding(courthouse), that is not a wedding. THey are so dumb. Well, I still don’t know if I could wear white but i found this really nice gown online that is white and has a long pink tail in the back that wraps around the waist. gorgeous. I am having just five bridesmaids. Oh, and we should not be handed down by our dads we should walk alone and meet eachother in the altar. Seems original huh?