Civil ceremony before religious wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I believe in some European countries it’s normal to have two separate events, one civil and one religous.  However, they don’t keep it a secret.  I would be honest with people, have your civil ceremony, and have your marriage blessing whenever you want to.

Post # 4
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@elw728-please do NOT do this, especially the lying part.  If you go to the JOP, that IS YOUR REAL WEDDING!  The “big wedding day” would be a fake re-do in which no one would be wed. 

 

Post # 5
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@elw728:  While hemoncdr is right in that no one would be wed on your “fake re-do” day, I think the response is a bit harsh.  There are several reasons people would want to be married legally and have a religious ceremony later.  It’s not my place to judge if someone has health insurance/immigration/deployment/whatever other reason.  You can have your civil ceremony, at which point you are legally wed, then have an event later on that would be: a marriage blessing, vow renewal, marriage celebration, whatever.  

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@elw728:  I don’t believe it’s a “fake re-do”. For me, legal marriage and (since I’m Catholic) the Sacrament of Marriage are two different things. A legal divorce for Catholics doesn’t free you up to get marrried in the Church again- you have to get an annulment, because it is DIFFERENT.

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to tell or not tell. Personally, I would just say “We are getting the legal side done a couple months ahead and then being joined in the eyes of God and surrounded by our family at our wedding on this date”. Or don’t say anything. Honestly, I know TONS of people who got married at a JOP and then had a civil “wedding” after. Nobody cares. 

Post # 7
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@elw728:  We had our civil ceremony months before our marriage celebration in front of friends and family. We told our parents, they didn’t blink an eye (My dad in fact said, “Good. You can use your tax return for the wedding budget.”) but didn’t feel the need to tell anyone else. We know our crowd and felt confident that no cares about when we signed the paperwork. Plenty of people in our lives are married in their hearts without the paperwork and their marriages certainly aren’t fake to us. Our wedding before family and friends was super special, very emotional, and insanely fun. Signing the paperwork was a boring government transaction. 

Post # 8
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I disagree with @hemoncdr. There isn’t anything “fake” about having an actual wedding.

My husband and I got married Via JoP and then we had our wedding in June to celebrate with the people who could not come.

We didn’t tell people we got married JoP style, but we didn’t withold that information, either. Basically we didn’t go out of our way to tell people. Nobody really cared in the end.

Our wedding was not a vow renewal. It was not fake, it was not a “re-do.” I know people have a lot of stern feelings on this but my big advice is to never let anyone take away your wedding from you. If you want to have a wedding, you are entitled to a wedding, and there is no reason to say you had a “vow renewal” as opposed to a legitimate wedding. I did, and truthfully, it was so much easier that way.

ETA: I don’t see witholding that information is lying. What you do before the day you invite them to your wedding is your business.

Post # 9
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@DaneLady:  +1. Many people do this. We even thought about doing it for schedule purpose (getting married legally the day before we had the reception, but we would have done the vows at that moment, while the courthouse felt more like a paper procedure). I don’t think it would have made our wedding day less special, or ”fake”. I would not lie about it though. People can understand that circumstances can sometimes influence your choice, and that your ”true” wedding with religious ceremony and family members is not fake, it was only delayed.

Post # 11
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m Muslim and this is our traditional way of doing things – but mainly because after you have the “civil” service you dont need a chaperone to be in public together. But you still dont live together etc until the religious wedding. 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

we are doing it…our civil wedding will be in January..and religious will be in July..:D

Post # 13
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

DH and I got legally married 2 months before our wedding. I wouldn’t even call it a civil “ceremony” because there was no ceremony, no vows, just a marriage commissioner signing a piece of paper and that was it. We didn’t even have to sign. We didn’t feel married, and we didn’t consider ourselves married or wear rings until our “real” wedding ceremony. Marriage means different things to different people. To some it’s primarily a legal designation, to us it’s primarily a spiritual one. We considered the day we said vows to each other in front of our loved ones to be the day we were married, and that’s what we celebrate as our anniversary.

Post # 14
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can totally understand this because somehow I think that there is something really special about having just you and your SO means so much- especially because I think if I were to read my own vows- I would be too nervous to do it infront of a big crowd. I think there is something special about it. I don’t really see why anyone would need to know except your parents.

Post # 15
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can totally understand this because somehow I think that there is something really special about having just you and your SO means so much- especially because I think if I were to read my own vows- I would be too nervous to do it infront of a big crowd. I think there is something special about it. I don’t really see why anyone would need to know except your parents.

Post # 16
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@elw728:  This is common in my culture although i didnt do it that way (civil ceremony day after hindu ceremony)

In my culture, the civil ceremony is usually done on the day of the engagement.

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