Post # 1
I know this topic has been beaten to death but I’m kind of in the opposite situation as the brides in the other posts I’ve read.
Usually for some reason or another there is a need to get married quickly or before they can afford the big wedding.
I have the opposite situation. We are in the midst of planning the big wedding (225 guests) paid for by my fiances mom. We originally wanted a smaller more intimate wedding Because we are private people. However we chose to have a big wedding because 1)we have been loved and supported by our friends and family and want to celebrate with them 2)my fiances family loves to party and we are the first couple in our generation to marry and 3)my fiances father passed away from type 1 diabetes last year and this wedding is really keeping my fmil going after losing the love of her life. I love her dearly and I love giving her something to be happy about in this hard time.
However with the final guest list including everyone their brother and 6 cousins, and family politics and fmil’s wishes allowing no less I feel like the intimacy that my fiancé and I wanted is lost. It’s like I’m just hosting a big party. My fiancé and I discussed it and want to do a private civil ceremony for ourselves before we celebrate with the family.
has anyone done this for these reasons? What do you tell people since we aren’t doing it for health insurance or deployment or any “legitimate” reason?
ps please no accusations of gift grabbing. We are not registering anywhere and instead are requesting that donations be made to the American Diabetes Association in lieu of gifts
Post # 3
We had a small ceremony the day before our big ceremony and celebration with just our immediate family and a few close friends. We did it so that our marriage could be recognized in the church, though, so it was a big different. However, it was wonderful! I loved how intimate it was. We did traditional vows during the intimate ceremony and write our own for the big one. We also made sure our guests knew that we had been officially married the day before.
Post # 4
We’ve thought about it, but it’s more for the logistics of marrying 3000 miles away!!! It sounds nice!
Post # 5
I think it’s totally fine. My sister did this (had a legal marriage the day before the family wedding) and it worked out great for her. They wanted to have the ceremony without a celebrant so they needed to do it legally beforehand. Nobody minded and it was a lovely day.
Post # 5
Arrowchan: Thanks Arrowchan – could you possibly let me know more about what your sister did at the ceremony without a celebrant, as we’re hoping to do the same?
Our situation is that we’re getting legally married in Australia with a very small official ceremony, but then having a bigger celebration in the UK (where I’m from), so that we can include everyone.
We were going to have some kind of ring ceremony as part of the UK celebrations, but our venue have just said they’re not ‘licensed’ for this, even though it wouldn’t be a legally binding. It sounds like, as long as there’s no celebrant, it’s ok with them and they won’t be in breach of their lease etc, so we’re having a think about how we could do a nice ceremony to exchange rings and say nice things in front of all our UK friends and family, but without a celebrant.
I’d love to hear what your sister did, to help get the creative ideas flowing!
Thank you 🙂
Post # 6
beefree: Hi! Sorry to take so long to get back to you, I haven’t been around here much!
Basically, they just walked down the aisle together, spoke their vows to each other and exchanged rings, then a friend stood up and introduced them as man and wife. It was short and sweet. My only reservation about recommending it is that I think it puts a lot of pressure on the couple to remember the wording. My sister forgot a line partway through and got a bit freaked out, heh. (It was fine, but a bit awkward for a while.) If you do go down that route, I would recommend that you have a cheat sheet in your pocket just in case.
Post # 7
Arrowchan: Thank you for the tips, that’s great 🙂