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I could be wrong, but from I thought you have to file a k-3 spouse visa while you're still in Canada. Like, after you get married you would have to return to Canada to file your paperwork and wait for the visa to be processed. My fiance's Canadian and I could have sworn I'd read that somewhere. We chose to go the Fiance visa route because the processing times are shorter.
At any rate, we'll be doing a civil ceremony seperate from our wedding. At first I was worried about it taking away from our actual "wedding." But, I've decided that, to me, what makes a wedding special is sharing it with your friends and family. We're not going to make a big deal about our civil ceremony, it's just going to be another part of our immigration paperwork.
So, you should do it if you need to... I think your wedding will still be just as special.
Also, look into the spousal visa process if you haven't already. It'd stink to have to spend more time away from your FI than necessary.
@Jenna - Thanks for writing! Does your FI already work in US? I was told that my Visa (I'm on TN) is still valid post wedding (legal wedding) and that we can apply for Spousal immigration after making it legal...and that it'll take about 90 days for the temporary work permit to be granted while the green card/residency is being processed (Green card could take up to a year).
I'm meeting with someone at the International office at my work on Monday to sort things out a bit...of course, not sure how much details should be revealed to her (like, when I'll be quitting work). I just told her that I want to be as informed as possible for the wedding planning...
Your comment "We're not going to make a big deal about our civil ceremony, it's just going to be another part of our immigration paperwork." made me feel better...yes, that's how I'm really trying to look at it...I know it's all in my head...and I need to just perceive the civil ceremony as being that. I don't know why I'm so worried and getting so worked up about this...
Question for you - will you be wearing your wedding ring after the civil ceremony? or would you wait until the actual wedding day?
I'm not changing my name, wearing my band, combining bank accounts or any of that good stuff until after our wedding. I even told FI that we should wear jeans and a t-shirt to the courthouse. He recommended going to Vegas because, "how many couples get to be married in Vegas AND have a real wedding?"
Anyway, I'm not going to consider myself married until after our wedding.
He lives and works in Vancouver and hasn't had any type of visa before. I didn't know you could stay and marry on a work visa, it's great that you can!
Have you checked out Visa Journey? It's been pretty helpful for us when we were filling out all of our paperwork.
My fiance and I have been wondering about this too. He get's home for his R&R in December but don't want a civil then to take anything away from the wedding wedding.
@Jenna - thank you for the website info! How's your wedding planning going? Do you plan on getting married in CA or in Vancouver?
@HoneyBunny - Have you set a date? When he comes back in December, I hope he's back for good (at least for a long, long while)!
I guess all of us are apart from our loves...*hugs* to all of us!
We're getting married in California in May of 2010. We've booked our venue, chosen our colors and theme/motif, and I've designed our invite suite. Other than that I'm reading wedding blogs getting ideas : )
It's definitely hard being away from our boys! At least an end is in sight.
He will just be back for 2 weeks. 
We don't have a specific date becaus ehe doesn't know when he will be able to take leave specifcally but sometime this next summer.
@Jenna - I'm so envious that you already have a date and a venue! Sounds like you are well on your way!
@Honey - I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you! Sending you and your FI many good thoughts and pray that you two will be happily reunited soon and sooner!
@carrie38707 Thank you so much! I hope things work out well with you and your fiance. Keep us posted!
I wouldn't feel cheated on my wedding day...because I'm planning a civil ceremony before my "real" ceremony. We're going through the K-1 visa process now. My wedding anniversary date is going to be the one with the ceremony with my friends and family. I also found out that one of my friends got legally married to her fiance about a month ago so that they could do the adjustment of status. They're getting married in Mexico next year!
I also suggest checking out Visa Journey. If you are already working and have the visa to prove it, you can get legally married and start the "adjustment of status" process in the US now. And you can do all of this while still working. If you decide to stop working, make sure you have enough savings to cover expenses, both life and immigration. Adjustment of status is expensive.
I hate to be a bubble burster, but I would have. We talked about getting married when he got home from Iraq, then decided to wait the extra year and get officially married at our actual wedding.
I'm glad we did. It really felt amazing. But that's not to say that's for everyone and our situation was very different than yours. I just know the anticipation was there that it was really truly official. But i have lots of friends who got married before their deployment then came home and had a big ole wedding!
@Honey - please, keep us posted as well!
@blighty - thanks for the advice! yes, my FI and I have discussed the financial aspect of it...except we forgot to consider the cost of the process! geesh - no matter what, there is always something else that gets forgotten, isn't there? 
Thank you! :)
@ejs - not a bubble burster at all! this is why I posted a note - support comes in many forms and I want to get different opinions and thoughts. Thanks! :)
Put it this way, we are planning our full out real wedding. Got married at the courthouse, but I don't really feel married. Yes, he is my husband, but it doesn't feel real...I'm guessing that after the wedding it will be much more real. So to me, it's not going to take away from our wedding at all. Just thought I would put in my 2 cents.
I am marrying a Canadian, too, but luckily for me he has US citizenship as well. I have kind of the opposite question. After we get married what do I need to do to get a spousal visa to move to Canada?? We aren't moving to Canada immediately, but we figure we will at some point, especially if we have kids (He is French Canadian and we want the kids to have their formative years in a French-speaking environment so they are bi-lingual).
Have you called the immigration office and asked them what the steps are that you need to take? I think its hard to get a visa to stay in the states if you don't have a "reason" to be here (ie: work or school). Maybe its not even necessary to do the legal marriage before the real wedding? I remember MsPoodle talking about engagement visa paperwork...
@Miss Lily - thank you for your input! I appreciate it. :)
@Mskalinin - I'm not so sure about the US to Canada immigration. I did my research online using google, Visajourney.com, and by going straight to USCIS website.
I found these websites for Canada to US immigration using bing.com; they might give you a start point:
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/index.asp
http://www.canadavisa.com/canadian-immigration-faq.html
I think it's so exciting that your children could grow up in Quebec. I LOVE Montreal and Quebec city. I'm from Toronto, so always thought of Quebec as a wonderful getaway and wished one day I might live there. :)
I am Canadian, now living in the US for a year.
We did the civil ceremony last year in Toronto... so technically we've been married for a year. Our "show" wedding for family & friends is coming up in a month! The reason I did the civil first is to get the paperwork since my fiance was transferred from his company in Canada to the US hq. So, we had to get married for me to be his 'spouse' and not just gf in order to get my L2 visa, health coverage and the cost of relocation being covered by the company, along with all the legal fees.
A couple of things to note:
If we weren't forced to be married in order to stay together and move down to the States for his job opportunity, I'm not sure HOW LONG it would have taken him to finally pop the question! We were together for 6 years already.
My dream wedding was not at city hall, surrounded by fake flowers. We are doing our real wedding with 100 of our good friends and family (who don't know I'm legally married btw) which I'm very happy about, as well as very nervous!
I wish it weren't this way...but what can you do.
Some random thoughts I've been having: I can't really get cold feet and not show up to the wedding...we're already married. What if some of my friends who KNOW that we're married tell my family in their drunken stupor? Is this all worth $30K?
All in all, no regrets.
i don't know anything about the visa process, but as for your question?
do what feels right for both of you. you can think of it in many ways, such as:
a. you get married now and later and have two anniversaries to celebrate!
b. lots of people (i'd say maybe 95.99%!) do a rehearsal before their wedding, so what's the big deal if the rehearsal is the day before or the month before or the year before? so what if both of your weddings are actual ceremonies and not rehearsals?
c. it's not going to make you less of a person just because you decided to celebrate your love more than once. and, really, what's a wedding, but a celebration of love?
if getting married twice is what's right for both of you, then do it....and be happy about it. don't let anyone else pressure you into doing/not doing something because not everyone is in the same boat. oh, and as for feeling cheated? your feelings are exactly that-----your feelings. you get to decide how you want to feel. so, do it and decide you're going to feel great about it (if that's what you want:-) good luck!!
@msschf - I feel like I'm in a very similar situation as you were. Thank you for sharing! and no...you can't not show up to your own celebration! :) Hope you are enjoying the planning and have a blast at the real wedding!
@ladybuglove - thank you for the advice. You are absolutely right - they are my feelings and I get to determine what and how I feel.
On that note, we decided to go ahead with the Civil wedding. We were going to get the license last week when I was in Chicago and do the court wedding when we are in Chicago at the end of the month (FI is now in Dallas with me for 6-8 wks)...got all the papers ready...even had some papers FeDex'ed from Canada...and what do I do? We had everything but my passport!!! - In the midst of all the planning and worrying, I forgot one essencial item. :P
So, we are going to try to get to Chicago a day earlier and try to do this at the end of the month. Wish us luck and all in all, I feel good. I just wish I knew now what to do about the "real" wedding! :)
My fiance is in the military and is going to be deployed for a long time and we were thinking about doing a civil ceremony before the actual wedding..but we changed our minds because I thought I would feel bad about it. We were going to keep in secret because my parents would freak out and immediately assume (like everyone else) that I was pregno and that's why we had a courthouse marriage.
But, again we are faced with a deployment *even longer sighs* and I'm wondering about the civil ceremony again! This time so I can move to england with him for the couple of years and there are great benefits plus I hate my job :(.
I don't think you will feel cheated...I know I just regretted my parent's simple mindness or I would have done it earlier..but now I'm thinking maybe we can keep it secret till than :D ...I'm still undecided about it as well! So I'm not much help though I don't think you'll feel cheated as long as you want to do it. I wouldn't say just do it because of insurance or just do it because he wants you too, make sure you would like to have it as well. Feeling like you were pushed into it for this or that reason, I think, would call the regret :D
@floridabeachbride - thanks, and just so you know, I TOTALLY thought my parents would be completely against it! But when I brought it up, (I brought it up to my mom first) they were completely fine with it! My mom did show a bit of reservation and it is b/c of her I felt more like I may be "cheated". She worried about this more than I did...that I will miss out on something. My dad simply said, as I posted here, that "the wedding is just a formality and what's most important is how ready are our hearts and minds". He left it at that and said we are "grown adults" and that he "trusts whatever we decide". It was such a relief to have their support. Have you tried nonchalantly mentioning it to your parents?
Hey, maybe you might want to reconsider. I would say a bit "YES" to England! Good luck and whatever you decide, I'm sure is the right one for you. :)
@carri38707: Thanks for the links. I looked through a few and there was some good info there. Of course Quebec has to make it more complicated than the rest, but I think we're fine. I have no idea why this is in italics...
Thanks..I did ask about the civil wedding because my fiance friend in the military and just did this...*cries* their opinions werent good about it...And, well, I'm afraid to ask though opinions could change because it's me and not just someone they meet once. But, like I said: courthouse weddings to them means pregnant in our small town so there would be ton of gossip which would hurt my parents..I hate small towns :(
And, I'm up for england too though he may not be now...he's worse than I am about making up his mind.
Hi, I have planned many weddings, and I can tell you by my own experience, many people have the wedding of a lifetime but after that, nothing is left. If you are planning a civil ceremony nothing stops you from having the wedding after everything is settled. Don't go crazy now, take care of your legal status first, organize your life, and then have your dream wedding. Will be worth waiting. As you described, no bride should deal with so many things at once. Have a nice civil ceremony, maybe just a small cocktail after and when the legal matters are over. Have a blast! Good luck
I dont have to deal with this problem, but I like the idea of treating the civil ceremony like just another part of the paperwork.. thenhaving the REAL wedding later!
You should definitely check with your school's international office. It is my understanding that it is typically much easier to apply for a fiance visa before the wedding than to try to get a spousal visa after the wedding.
On your main point, I think most people can understand if you planned a big wedding, but discovered you had to have a simple courthouse marriage earlier for legal reasons. The times I have heard criticism of a big wedding after a courthouse ceremony were when the couple initially eloped, but then planned a big wedding, and people saw them as just grabbing for presents. Your situation is entirely different.
Just wanted to update everyone - we've done it! We did the court ceremony on Aug.31; and plan on our celebration with family and friends for late Spring, 2010. I'm a Mrs. but keeping it down low until the "big" day. My only dilemma these days is whether to refer to him as my hubby or my FI on WB! :)
Congrats! My opinion: if you're just looking at the courthouse wedding as another part of the paperwork, then he's still your FI until the real wedding.
Congrats! Thanks for this post - we have been contemplating the legal marriage thing before the wedding (for insurance reasons) and I was surprised to hear from my parents that they would be fine with it...I am glad to hear things went well.
For us it's going to be one of those things I know we'll look back and laugh about, years from now, because as it is, we are 2 months out and we were thinking of getting legally married in about a month or so...which, in retrospect is not the biggest deal, but for paperwork reasons (and dental work reasons, blahhh!) it might be in our favor.
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Sorry, this is a bit long...but I really would appreciate your thoughts...
I'm a Canadian marrying an American. Here in US on a temporary work Visa. We met and fell in love in Chicago, but then my job took me away to Dallas and it's taken a bit of toll on both of us. We agree that most important thing is to be together.
So then, a decision was made that I'll quit and move back to Chicago...until we both realized that it isn't going to as simple as just moving since I'm on a work Visa (which won't be valid any more once I quit) and not sure what it means in terms of staying in US. There's also the issue of Health Insurance.
The solution would be to do a civil ceremony, get legally married, start the paperwork with Immigration, get a new work permit, etc. I'll be unemployed for ~3-4 months while new work permit is granted [and on a positive note, I can totally focus on planning the wedding].
There are many other issues involved but those are only minor details. My main concern is: if we do a civil wedding first, would it take away from the actual ceremonial wedding day (we are planning a destination wedding)? Am I going to feel cheated on the actual wedding day? Is the wedding ceremony not going to be as special as it would be if we were actually getting married and making it legal on that day?
I just don't want to regret for the rest of my life that I've cheated myself from the dream wedding I've "dreamed" about all my life...