Post # 1
Here’s the deal. Mr. Orchids and I are really starting to get into the wedding planning. We’re both very excited and have ideas flowing out our earlobes, however his sister has suddenly decided to cause a problem. She is trying to plan her 2ND marriage, which granted is important however, it’s our first and only wedding. So here lies the problem…..
We have decided on June 12 because 1. it’s the month we started dating 2. the 12th is more convenient because his younger brother is graduating high school that same year, two weeks after actually. Now his sister has decided that she is going to get married the 26th of that same month and year!!!
The thing that "irks" me is that she knew and has known that we were planning June all along, but now has decided that a wedding in the same family within two weeks of ours is a great idea.
We have both been thinking about it and we talked about possibly moving our wedding date because of the situation, however we don’t want to committ to a different day on the off chance that she gets a mood swing and decides June is no longer her thing. Mr. Orchids has said he plans to talk to his sister and see if she is truly serious about going for the 26th and possibly extending his feelings her way on how it’s really not fair because we have been planning it and we feel will really take away from our wedding. My only fear with this option is that she’s a wench and if she realizes that we’re really not happy with her over the date, she’ll stick with it just to be spiteful.
Any ideas of what to do or how to handle it because I’m seriously starting to get pissed and want to enjoy planning my wedding. I don’t want her and her moods to affect our planning!
Post # 3
I guess I just have a different take on the situation but I feel like this could still work okay. You get the advantage because your wedding is happening first! By the time it gets to her wedding, everyone will be wedding-ed out.
Post # 4
I forgot one of the major parts, we have a few people helping with the wedding. His parents, my parents, us and possibly a well off uncle from my side, but with this his sister is insisting their parents help with her wedding if they help with ours.
Post # 5
It sounds like you’re handling it exactly right, honestly. Have your FI talk to her and find out how serious she is. June is the most popular month for weddings, and some vendors hike up their prices, so if you do decide to switch, you at least have that going for you.
Honestly this is one of those things that really surprises me every time I read about it. There are loads of posts on here with people who choose to have their wedding the same month as their siblings and every time I just think "I can’t believe this happens to people!" It’s definitely rude of her, but she is the one who looks bad…
Post # 6
I agree, I would go ahead with your planned date and not mention anything to FSIL. If she’s that undecided anyways she may change her date on a whim & then you’d regret not sticking to your original date.
Post # 7
I’m confused as to why she would want to get married the same weekend when her other brother is graduating from high school. That sounds even more bizarre to me… or did I misunderstand?
Grin and bear it, IMO. I think if it is that important to you, then surely having you FI talk to her would be helpful but I don’t think it will be the end of the world.
And I think its only reasonable on her part to hope/anticipate her parents contributing to her wedding even if they are contributing to yours. After all they are her parents and traditionally the bride’s parents used to host the wedding some people still expect $ from that side of the family.
Also, will you both be having a lot of the same guests… specifically from out of town? Maybe explaning to her that it will be a challenge for guests to travel to both might be something that will make her see it from another perspective…
Post # 8
Beyond the fact that it would "steal your thunder" to some degree, I would feel bad for the family that is now expected to attend and pay for TWO weddings! You announce your wedding and everyone gets excited then, lo and behold, your fSIL announces that hers is two weeks later?? I wouldn’t have the guts to pull a stunt like that!
I agree with Amandopolis, it’s amazing the number of times this seems to happen to brides. Sometimes it makes me wonder if there’s some jealousy going on. One sibling sees all the attention her sister is getting and does whatever she can to steal the spotlight.
I think you’re handling it the best way you can. But if you’re concerned that sharing your true feelings with your fSIL might encourage her to stick to her guns then maybe do the opposite…hint around that you guys are considering moving your date — maybe even mention the cost savings angle. Who knows, she might change her plans just to keep up with you! 😉
Post # 9
Time for an update.
So the FI talked to his sister, and before I get started let me add in some detail to give everyone an idea of the family relationships. My FI is the 2nd oldest of 6. His sister that is getting married is the oldest, and they are only 18 months apart in age. To say the least there is competition. There have been some issues with her in the past, and to say the least, my Future-in-laws are rarely pleased with her. However, she has recently been "behaving" herself according to my future mother in law.
Anyway, my FI talked with her to ask if she was serious about having her wedding two weeks after ours. He also brought up how because we would be inviting a lot of the same people what might be better would be to move one (preferably hers) back a month or so. As far as I have been told, she seemed pretty receptive to it. And as terrible as this sounds, he also suggested that by moving one of the dates, we both would probably make out better in the gift department. Unfortunately his sister is very much a material person, so this really hooked her with the idea.
She has recently been talking about moving the date to the week after Fourth of July. This way "We can see fireworks, without having to pay for them." according to her. It all seems to be cooling off, but I’m still a little nervous because she could very easily change her mind and not have a problem. She’s getting married at a "sportsmens club" and they don’t hold events often so she basically has her pick of when they want to have the wedding. Hopefully, her material side will be on my side as well, and she’ll move it back. Wish me luck!!!