(Closed) Clean Jokes – Cheer Me Up

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m not much of a “joke” person, since life has it’s own sense of humor…but I overheard a rather accusatory conversation between my Mom and Dad this morning that had me rolling on the floor…speaker phone should NOT exist for my Dad.

Dad:  Hello?

Mom:  Hi

Dad:  What’s up?

Mom:  Have you been taking little bites out of the bananas?

Dad:  What?!

Mom:  Someone has been taking little bites out of the bananas on the counter, is it you?

Dad:  Why would anyone do that?

Mom:  I don’t know, but it’s happening…..is it you?

Dad:  No, I am not taking little bites out of the bananas…is there something else you needed?

Mom:  Yes, every night, someone is emptying out the bowl of nuts by the sofa…

Dad:  There’s a bowl of nuts by the sofa?

Mom:  Well that answers that question.

Dad:  Could it be someone else?

Mom:  You mean your 89 year old, completely immobile mother who lives in the basement?

Dad:  …oh!  You know what, I meant to tell you, I saw a squirell in the kitchen the other night, we need to call a trapper.

Mom:  WHAT?!  When did you see the squirell? 

Dad:  Like…last week, I think he’s getting in through the dog door.

Mom:  And you just remembered to tell me now?

Dad:  Yeah…so…you’ll call the trapper then?

Mom:  Fine…bring home some bananas, will you?

Post # 4
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:  LMAO!  You’re right; that is better than any joke I had…

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Nona99:  You family sound awesome! I always have a chuckle at your stories about them.

 

@EffieTrinket: I don’t have many favourite clean jokes – most of my jokes would make a sailor blush! But I’ll give it a shot anyway…

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!

Post # 7
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My mom is so poor,

she was walking down the street with one shoe on

and people were like “hey lady you lost a shoe!”

and she said “no, I found one”

Post # 8
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummibear!

Post # 10
Member
11397 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@EffieTrinket:  Cheers to hacking the smoking! 🙂

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, “Congratulations you’re the father of twins!” He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, “Congratulations you’re the father of triplets”! He says, “That’s cool! I work for 3M.”

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where’s the third father?”

One of the other fathers said, “Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, “Why?”

He replied, “He works for Seven Up!”

Post # 12
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nona99:  OMG this cracked me up!

Post # 14
Member
11397 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mrshollinger:  Nona99’s wasn’t a joke it was a conversation she over heard from her parents. lol

Post # 15
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Nona99:  how come you always have the best stories?!

Post # 16
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mrshollinger:  how can you not get it?! Her mom was accusing her dad of eating bananas and nuts, he’s clueless, then just casually mentions that a squirrel has been sneaking in the house through the dog door. Dad doesn’t put two and two together to tell her that its probably the squirrel which is the obvious conclusion. It’s hilarious! 🙂

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