(Closed) Clingy mother in law. Help!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What were the circumstances with the ring. Did you not like the style? I’m just curious. Either way it’s none of her business how your fiance spends his money.

Post # 5
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@debbieotoole:  I don’t quite understand what you mean when you say she’s mad at him for buying you a NEW ring — is the “new” part the problem or the ring in general?

If she’s got a problem with you and your BF aims to propose he needs to handle that with his mother before things go any further.

It kinda disgusts me when mother’s don’t let their sons do anything for themselves – I mean what kind of man are you making him?  And she definitely doesn’t need him to drive from a ways away just to take her to the airport (if there was no other reason we’re missing) just be glad your FI isn’t a momma’s boy.

But yes, you are kind of dating the family as well, they’ll be a package deal when you two marry.  Although I’m not saying you have to spend all your time with all of them.

Post # 6
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Sorry you are going through this! My MIL is a bit clingy to my DH, but he is the oldest of her EIGHT children. So I luck out in the sense that she has other kids to worry about too. However, our wedding was the first of her sons getting married, and she got a bit clingier (sp?) as it got near.

I would talk to your fiance about it. I know you don’t want to upset him or make him think you don’t like his mother. But honestly, men don’t pick up on these things on their own (usually). When I finally opened my mouth about my MIL, my husband actually talked with me about it and made me feel a lot better. He also started to stand up to his mother in a way that let her know that he’s about to be a married man and is not just her little boy anymore. She was upset at first when he started to pull away, but it has become better over time.  I’m hoping the same for you! Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mother and sons!!! It sounds like the mother is have problems separating herself from her son. My dear she does resent you being in her son life because she was the only woman in his life growing up and she got real comfortable in that position.

This is not something you should be dealing with. Your FI needs to sit her down and explain to her you are his choice and she will always be his mother but she can never be his wife. If he has been her favorite his whole life she may feel that she is losing him.

It is important to be very very careful when talking to a man about his mother. It is important to express how it makes you feel. Men tend to understand when you use yourself as an example such as if my mother did and give examples of what his mother did then he is more receptive to understanding your point.

I hope this helps.

Post # 8
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@debbieotoole:  my fmil is clingy too!!

we live far away, but she texts us alll the time! writes on fb alll the time! and when we have a visit with his parents she has to keep touching him, and holding his hand, and stares at me ALOT. she always wants to take pictures of us (like constantly) if we want to go anywhere alone while visiting them she tries to make us feel guilty, and bring her along. and there is a lot more! it drives me insane.

i make hints at it to my fiance, but i would never say anything bad about his mother.

i mostly vent to my sisters or mom and it helps a lot.

my fiance is an only child and stayed here in NC to be with me, and she acts as if i am taking him away also. hes almost 30 years old! and she calls and says things like “are you sure you are happy there?”

Post # 9
Hostess
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t really have advice but just wanted to say clingy mother’s are my BIGGEST pet peeve.  I dated a hard-core momma’s boy and I wanted to puke everytime they talked.  He would even have her rub Vick’s on his chest when he was sick.   Come on!  Sorry…I digress…

  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@debbieotoole:  “is the “new” part the problem or the ring in general?”

Post # 15
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like my xdh and his mom.  She needs to cut the cord. our marriage was never private because of her.  she was fake to my face. finally after 10 years of marrage, and being together for 15 years, she blew up on him telling him how much she hated me..blah blah blah.  You need to talk to him and have him put his foot down with her on certain things, especially when it comes to the two of you.

 

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