Close friend wants to be my wedding planner…. How do I tell her no?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

“No thanks, we don’t have that in our budget.” 

Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

SimpleCountryLife:  i’d just tell her that you’re looking forward to her being part of your wedding as a guest only, and thank her for the offer. then do not bring up planning too much around her so that she gets the hint.

Post # 4
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SimpleCountryLife:  “I wanted to let you know as soon as possible that ___ and I have decided not to have a wedding planner. I am happy to continue to recommend your services to others but we have decided to scale back our plans.”

Then be prepared to simply keep repeating “We have decided not to have a wedding planner” when she raises objections and tries to tell you how much she will save you.

Post # 6
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

SimpleCountryLife:  I would just say that you aren’t going to hire a wedding planner! If she’s being direct then you probably need to be direct too. You don’t want to somehow end up with a 3k wedding planner because you couldn’t say no…

Post # 7
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

SimpleCountryLife:  “I don’t think it is wise to mix friendship and business. I would much rather have you relaxed at our wedding than working it.”

Post # 8
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Agreed with PPs about telling her you don’t want/need a wedding planner. I wouldn’t say you can’t afford her or it’s not in your budget just in case she tries to discount it or do it for free anyway 

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That weird. My fiance sister is a wedding planner and she is in no way charging us for her service. She had recommend our venue, cake lady, officant, and dj at the most affordable prices. She is also decorating our venue and doing our flowers. We are using preserve flowers. 

Post # 10
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

MrsHalpert:  I second this suggestion – it’s the most polite way to refuse her planning service. OP can be honest too, and say that she doesn’t want to have a planner because her wedding will be simple, but I suspect that said friend will continue to push, because she “knows better” that even simple weddings need planners.

Personally, I would refuse to any “friendors” because it’s much harder to maintain professional and unbiased contact with vendor who is close to you (like, how can I say to my friend that her favorite centerpiece design looks like nightmare to me?) Maybe this friend would understand such point of view and accept that good friendship shouldn’t be mixed up with business.

Post # 11
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Inmara:  exactly; plus, i agree with the PP who said if you say you can’t afford her, that just leaves an opening for her to lower her prices and she will still keep bringing it up. if she reduces her price low enough (or says ok i’ll do it for free) then the op will still have to decline. better do it now.

 

no friendors for me either–my reasoning is the same as yours. it’s better to let business be business and personal be personal

Post # 12
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - The Celebration Farm

I would just give her one reason, not a whole list as I think that comes off poorly. I would tell her you appreciate the offer (although it was never agreed upon) but that you aren’t having a wedding planner because you’re looking forward to planning all the details with your fiance (as you want your wedding to be YOUR wedding). If you give her the cost of her services as an excuse, she may offer a discount to try and persuade you. Hopefully you can get her to back off 🙂

Post # 13
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Can you blame it on your mom?  You’re planning a simple backyard wedding.  Your mom really wants to help plan and pay for the wedding and when you mentioned a potential wedding planner she was really upset and said that she saw herself filling that role.  You want to give her this opportunity to be hands-on and involved in the planning.  You know that Friend would do an amazing job, but you want to let your mom be the wedding planner, you want to do this for your mom.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  jamb.
Post # 14
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’re new to wedding planning, let me introduce you to the excuse that gets you off the hook for all your well-meaning friends/family who have crazy ideas:

“DH and I talked about it and we don’t want ___insert crazy idea here___”

Just like julies1949 told you to do.

For some reason if it’s only your opinion or DH’s opinion, your crazy friend/relative thinks that they can talk you into it or teach you how to win over DH. But somehow there is just this magical power in the word “We” that makes everyone understand that they need to keep their crazy ideas to themselves.

Go forth and try it out!

Post # 15
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

koi424:  That technique actually works after marriage too. My Mom has tried to tell me how to live my life (what house to buy, etc), but when I say “DH and I decided…” she now backs off. (But for awhile she tried to convince me that “I didn’t have to do everything DH wanted to do” LOL, trust me I don’t do everything DH tells me to do!!)

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