- 7 years ago
My ex who I was with for nearly five years was closet gay. I have no issue with gay people whatsoever, except for when they’re using me as their cover… We lived together for two years, spent a lot of time with his family, and were a “normal” couple kind of. He liked to sleep in separate beds which I didn’t like, but I got used to having my own space. We had sex like four or five times a year and he never “finished”. He just did it to keep me from asking. I thought he had erectile issues so I never pressed the issue to not rub salt in his wounds. Most days, he was my best friend and we were total idiots together. I mean pick any activity and we were all for it. We spent lots of time with friends and family, holidays together, we had a dog. From the outside, my friends were jealous because we were “perfect” But there was always something in the pit of my stomach that called to me and I ignored it until it punched me in the face.
He went to work one day and I noticed he had a lot of dirty laundry so I figured I’d get it all done and hung up for him before he got home. As I’m going through the basket, I notice some of the clothes are still folded and smell clean, there was even a dryer sheet or two. Then I got to the bottom of the basket and there were at least 10 DVDs of hardcore gay male porn. I sat and stared at it for what seemed like forever, it probably wasn’t as long in real life, but it felt like a lifetime. Something in me snapped and I wasn’t me anymore. I went tearing through his room and found other pornographic materials, condoms (we didn’t use any because he was infertile), and an old cell phone. I charged it with the charger that was taped to it and paged through pages of “sexting” with some guy named “Van” until I rememberd Van was his boss.
Within 2 hours, I had all my things in a UHaul and was gone. I left a key and a note that said, “sorry about the mess. guess we’re even” and left.
Random side note: FI and I used to work together and he was the one that helped me pack up the truck and move…. everything happens for a reason
My current problem is now I have this intense, stupid, ridiculous and completely unfounded fear that my FI is gay and that he will leave me for a man. I don’t have any reason to feel this way and I feel dumb. Our sex is good, he isn’t sneaky, his attraction for me and the female body is quite obvious (he loves J.lo haha) FI and I have talked about it and he assures me that if he were into guys, he would have been with one a long time ago. How in the heck do I get over this? I can’t imagine this is a common occurence, but if you were in my shoes, what would you do?