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FI and I moved in together halfway through college and I can't imagine having it any other way! We really didn't have any problems at all -- although we hadn't set into any of our own obstinate habits yet. He hasn't got on my nerves yet, and it's been three years now.
Advice? I suppose it's not much different than any roomie situation... be aware of your own moods; it's easy to fly off the handle about little things when you don't keep your own emotions or stress from the rest of the day in check. For me at least, sometimes I know I need to just withdraw and cool off alone for a while. And you'll get even better at reading FI's moods so you can respond appropriately to each other, I guess. Something like that! Anyway have fun! You'll love it!
Congratulations! It's such an exciting step!
My fiance (then boyfriend) and I moved in together after two years of dating - we did one year long distance, one year in the same city and then moved in. For us it was a fairly smooth transition, though we did have some fights. The thing is, that there are always going to be some fights, whether you're living together or not. The fights that we had just changed subject to house-related matters (like whose turn it was to clean the bathroom).
I also really think it's a great idea to live together before you get married because you'll get a chance to iron out all the living together issues and have your marriage start of without any stress!
Good luck and have fun!
we didn't have any problems when we moved in together. Mostly I was crabby first thing in the morning. He wanted hugs and snuggles and I was like, "ugh, i gotta go to work, let me go". Finally he figured out that the whole morningtime before I've had my coffee is not the time to butter me up.
Or, we had one teeny tiny bathroom in an apartment before we got our house, and we'd fight over who go to go to the bathroom first. Not real fight, but like, "cmon, I gotta go real bad and if you go first it'll smell!" kind of stuff.
I think as long as you know the boundaries you're good. I don't like people talking to me while i'm using the bathroom or stuff like that. He knows it, doesn't do it, so we're good!
I'm a big fan of living together before you're married too. I'm sure people will flog me for that though 
Before I moved in with my FI (then boyfriend) I had had roommates during college who were all total neat freaks, which I am not. But I managed to do well enough then to not piss anybody off. My FI isn't super tidy either. So when we moved in together, cleaning was our biggest problem. We'd each blow things off and then all of a sudden we were living in a pig sty. If that sounds like something you're worred about, make a chore chart!!! It helped us a lot, even if it sounds cheesy.
Other than that, there wasn't a lot to deal with. I'm so glad we moved in together, I feel like it was a great decision for our relationship and made us each grow up a little bit and fight more maturely since I'm not a big believer in someone being left to sleep on the couch. :)
Even though we had dinner together nearly every night before we moved in together, I didn't realize how much he ate. I'd go grocery shopping for a week and we'd be out of food in a few days! The first time he ate all my grapes, I got a little upset, but now we have it worked out.
We moved in almost 6 years after dating so we kind of already knew how the other lived.
My tips: If you have any pet peeves, air them out now. Mine was put your dishes in the sink (not even the dishwasher -- I'll settle for the sink). Specifically, I told him, when you have your bowl of cereal in the morning, rinse out the bowl so the little pieces of cereal don't get stuck from the dried milk. lol. Once I told him, it never happened again!
Also decide your routine for chores. For us, if you load the dishwasher, the other tries to unload it when its done. We've been doing our laundry separately because I get a little crazy when it comes to how my clothes are washed. We also tried to do "Sunday Dinners" which were great and a chance for me to try and be domestic. (I say tried because he has been out for job training the last few weeks).
What else....
Oh! I think what makes it the easiest for us is, understanding that you are two people with two lives. I never make an issue if he wants to go out with drinks with his buddies from work (as long as he calls!). We just make a point to spend time with one another but not rearrange our whole schedule for the other. Ya know?
After 8 years together, our relationship has faced a lot of changes, being in school, being out of school and being long distance, studying for bar exams, finally moving in together and living in a tiny apartment to buying our own home and soon thereafter, adopting a puppy. Each change has brought its own unique set of challenges. I always say that its just a matter of working out the kinks. You know you love the other person, you just, as a couple, need to figure out what works and what doesn't. The most important thing, as with anything else, is COMMUNICATION. Let the other person know, in a rational manner, what you like and what you simply can't tolerate. On the same token, you have to be willing to compromise and perhaps change or bend some of the things you did when you were living on your own. If its important to you, you will work it out, it doesn't take long but it does require work on both of your parts, and when you do, its the best!
I will not lie, and I'm not one to sugar coat things either- there will be days you want to off him
Sometimes he'll be so under your skin, and it depends on how patient you are as to how you handle it.
My fiance and I decided to buy a place together after about a year and half of being together. From the very beginning it has been nothing but bliss. Of course you will have your moments of frustration but that happens when living with anyone. Moving in with each other before getting engaged, before marriage is one of the best things we could have done. We have lived together for almost 3 years, and it has been an amazing time together. We have gone through all the pet peeves.. the frustrations.. Now with our wedding quickly approaching I don't feel as though there's any learning curve for us. Moving in with each other is a huge step, and we've been there, done that. Now we can focus on our future together.
We moved in together after 6 years of dating (and we basically stayed at each others' places for the 2 years before that...) It was the right choice for us, an exciting step, and I can't imagine not having experienced it before we got engaged/married.
Tips: Give each other some space. Even though you are living together it is important to still make time for your friends/family as an individual.
Also, don't expect it to be glamorous! It's just like living your normal every day life, except he is always there : )
Still make plans with each other (I had the use of the term "date night", but you get the idea) - still go to dinner and go out together and make time for each other in addition to just loafing around on the couch.
Let each other know what your housekeeping expectations are. Ie, who is going to clean the bathroom, do grocery shopping, and pay bills? Some guys assume it will be the gal automatically....not so! Anyways just talk about it from the outset!
Congrats!
My FI and I moved in together about a two months before getting engaged. Most of the time it is wonderful, but a couple of things to remember...
1. He is a boy, sometimes "I cleaned it" means something different to him than to you. For us when I say I did the dishing I mean-dishs, wiped off the counters, put away anything I hand washed and was in the dish drainer...he means-I loaded the dishwasher.
2. Talk about stuff. We talked about pet peeves and chores before we moved in together. We grew up in different types of homes, his Mom does every chore in her house and I grew up with both parents having responsibilities.
3. You will get on each others nerves every once and a while...it's not a big deal. Even if you fight sleep in the same bed every night. If you sleep in the same space you are going to have to touch at some point in the night and that helps keep you connected.
4. As you get closer to your wedding, remember more than likely your FI has never been this involved in a big event, he is going to ask lots of questions or at least look at you once asking "do we need this?".
5. Make time for your friends to still go out and be social together. Just because you live together doesn't mean you have to be with each other 24/7. I love my time with my girlfriends who are still single.
CONGRATS! Have fun!
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We've been living together for about 7 months now. And it's been great! We are both super laid back people so it really hasn't been a problem for either one of us. I thought it would be weird since neither of us had lived with anyone else before (and we're both in our thirties) but it's been the most natural thing. We established things like bills and chores but nothing set in stone. We're flexible. We haven't even really fought. That's not to say we get along 100% of the time but we're good at communicating. And the thing is, our place is very small so we have no choice but to deal with our crap because there's no whrere to hide. So my advice to you is communicat communicate communicate.
Good luck and enjoy it!
Definitely, I agree, give him time to do his guy stuff or get together with the guys. You also need to maintain a relationship with your girlfriends/sister/family. Get that massage, mani/pedi, etc.!
Also, if there are any big money purchases you would like to make, discuss it with him. You are engaged, planning to legally bond yourself in the future on paper and making some ridiculous spending could cause problems. Of course you don't have to ask before you buy everything, but establish a cut off....anything over $100? Or even more? Depends on your spending styles.
We started living together by accident. He needed a place to stay until he could find another apt. So, I told him he could crash w/ me until he found another place. Well that was a year and a half ago (I don't even think he really looked for another place!!).
He is a very clean and a "morning" person, and I am not, so initially this caused some problems. My advice is the second something irks you slightly TELL him. He' s not a mind reader, just let him know in a nice way. I find that prevents little things from escalating into bigger things. Just give each other some space to do your own thing every once in a while and you should be fine.
Good luck!
FI and I have lived together for 6 months now, and I have to say, it's been an easier adjustment than I thought it would be. That's not to say we haven't had our share of bumps, but they always get worked out.
I don't know if I have any tips other than what's already been said, because so far the advice has been great! But, I will say that we each have our own space in the house. We each picked one bedroom to decorate however we wanted, which he really liked. He has one bedroom for his computer, his "boy stuff" (team pennants, sports memorabilia, etc.) and can go there when he needs space or wants to be alone. I have my one bedroom for my computer, my girl stuff, etc. It also helps because he knows that if he makes a mess in that room, he's the one responsible for cleaning it up!
Also, know that you won't want to be joined at the hip 24/7 when you're home. It's absolutely okay and healthy to want / need space. Even though we have our separate rooms, we spend 80-90% of the time together in the living room, lounging.
Good luck and congrats!
After being married the first time for a long time, and my FI was previously married too-at the risk of sounding like an old lady-lol-I can tell you a few things I learned:
communicate-call if you're going to be late (or he is), it's not asking permission-it's respecting your partner enough to check with each other about plans
date night is a good thing-even though you live together, setting aside time to spend specifically together is important-even if it's renting a movie and grilling out hotdogs-that time is yours-pretty much non-negotiable
divide and conquer-this works for all kinds of things-chores, yardwork, waxing the car-lol-and as you purchase a home, even more important because the really glamourous chores ie: pressure washing the fence, painting the shutters, etc. go much more quickly and are alot more bearable if you do it together
be courteous! if you wouldn't leave your panties on the floor otherwise, don't do it with your partner either-remember each other in 1,000 little ways including being thoughtful and courteous
keep some things a bit of a mystery-even though you are sharing a home, I have learned that some things-such as certain bathroom activities-are better if they are kept a bit private (he really doesn't need to see me tweezing my eyebrows, he can, but does he really need to?!), inserting a tampon & other personal care things-I'm all for sharing everything, but sometimes a bit of mystery is good-include in this-don't let him see you naked ALL the time-something about a bit of hint of what is to come-let him see you in a pretty bra and panties, and being naked together alot of the time is certainly fun...keep things spicy by keeping some of it a bit of a secret
be aware of your "fighting time"-by this, I mean, when you are both tired, haven't eaten, worn out, etc-not a good time to pick a fight, allow one to be picked, get feathers ruffled, etc. sometimes, it's better to give each other a hug and a good kiss, snuggle up and go to bed, rather than go 20 rounds about something that is magnified because you are both wiped out
lastly, choose your battles...does the toilet seat being up really matter that much?! On his part too-leaving a wet tea bag on the counter can annoy him, but it can be kept in perspective-not everything is a "win at all costs"-you are individuals who are combining a life, not conjoined twins. Some space is good, minding your manners is important, and some things are just not worth the battle.
Hope this helps! :)
PS-I asked FI about this one-we've talked about it quite a bit since we've both been married before.
Congrats on moving in together! MY FI and I lived together for almost two years before getting engaged, and it was a fabulous time to really get to know the other!
Here are my top tips:
- Work out ahead of time (not after you get frustrated and mad) who will do what around the house, eg. cleaning & how often, groceries, meals, laundry, etc. If FI isn't used to doing this stuff he needs to learn {sooner than later!} and take a share of the work! Having a schedule may seem silly, but can really help if either of you are not the type to just 'see' what needs to be done.
- Don't sweat the small stuff! You don't like the same toothpaste? Buy two tubes. You like one kid of pasta sauce, he prefers another? Buy two jars and pour it on your individual servings! etc.
I think it's very important that you not treat it as a "test run" for marriage. It's not. You'll still be more careful with each other now than after you tie the knot. That's just how people are. So I would recommend you sit down and talk and agree to behave as you normally do, and learn to adjust your habits. After about a week you'll know what he does that drives you crazy and whether or not it's worth discussing.
For instance, my FI left all his clothes on the floor, the dresser, everywhere! So I bought laundry hampers, and now everything is "put away" and no argument. Also, my FI never uses the correct knife! This, while driving me crazy, doesn't really damage anything, so I ignore it (or joke about it). But if you both try to tiptoe around each other, once you're married all the sudden he's leaving the seat up and eating pizza on your beloved area rug and you don't know what happened to the man you were living with LOL.
So, short version: Be yourselves, talk about how you can better "mesh" your lifestyles, and learn when to pick a fight and when it's not worth it.
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I guess we never had a problem with it. Our only differences ended up being where and when stuff got put away, and we deal with that without fights or hurt feelings. We have similar tastes in furniture/style, so that helps immensely. You might want to establish who does what if you're worried about logistics. (Like if one of you cooks all the time, maybe the other should load/unload the dishwasher. If one of you does the laundry, the other should fold it up. etc.)
My best advice is to plan your financial life together. I think people sometimes have different ideas about money (spending vs. saving, etc) and it was an adjustment for us to get in the habit of merging our finances. I think people tend to have a harder time talking about money, but I'd say, be up front and honest with one another.
I'd also second what other people said about making sure that you have enough time apart. Even as much as you love each other, you'll need some alone time.
Oh and chores...people can have a different perception of cleanliness. I find that my fiance can tolerate things MUCH messier than I can. If you want him to help (or vice versa) make sure you communicate that. I started out just expecting him to pick up his laundry and he was totally oblivious until I finally asked him "Are you going to pick that up...EVER?!" Men!!
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Be patient and supportive of change. My FI had never had to clean up after himself EVER before moving in with me, and we had major fights with no change until we talked it out about family differences and how we were going to do things. Even then, it took about 6 months until we were in sync.
During the beginning of our relationship, my FI was in Houston and I was in Ohio. He had been laid off from his job, but he had enough in savings to have some downtime between jobs (this was before the huge downturn in the economy...he had a rough time finding something after that happened but he did thank goodness). We thought it would be great fun for him to spend a month in Ohio with me. That month was amazing. I went off to work and he stayed at home relaxing. Most days I would come home and the kitchen would be spotless and the laundry would be done. It was great! We rarely fought and we completely fell into an easy routine. He left Ohio with both of us knowing that living together would eventually be a seamless transition.
Fast forward to March...I just moved back to Houston for a new job, and we decided that it made the most sense for me to just go ahead and move in with him instead of finding my own place for four months. Living together this time around has not been as easy. I'm eager to set up our home and do things together, but he's always complaining about being too tired to do anything, so of course in my emotional head I hear "I'm not willing or interested in helping" which I know is silly but it hurts nonetheless. I'm hoping that the stress of both of us starting new jobs, moving (we didn't want to stay in his old apartment because it didn't feel like 'ours' so essentially he moved once and I moved twice in the past month) and the wedding planning is the root of our recent fights because we have never been this frustrated with each other!
I'm glad I saw this board...I'm soaking up all of your advice and I will let you know how things are going once our lives settle down a little bit more.
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My FI is the best roommate I've ever had, but MAN there are days when I just want to strangle him. For example, he will do half the dishes and leave the other half in the sink and just walk away. Or he'll leave all the cabinet doors open in the kitchen and sit down at his computer. And he's never wiped off a counter in his life. And when I say "why didn't you wipe off the stove when you cleaned up?" he'll say "it wasn't dirty!" even though it IS dirty! He also takes off his socks and leaves them in weird places, like under the coffee table. After almost 2 years of living together, we're still working on his cleaning habits- he just doesn't see things as dirty, when I see things as a pig-sty. My best advice is to really communicate with each other- when something gets on your nerves, it's better to say so right then (ie "honey could you please walk three steps across the kitchen and put the cat food can in the recycling bin instead of leaving it next to the sink") than let it stew until you're so angry you just start screaming (ie "you are such a lazy bum why do you expect me to always clean up after you omg why are we getting married").
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Moving in together amidst a bunch of other life changes (going to school/graduating, new jobs, new cities, getting married!) can be more difficult than simply moving in together as a matter of course. Lots of great comments up there that I can relate to. The best advice I've been given is really to have your own space and time to be yourself (I'm the messy one so I have my own desk/office space that I leave as messy as I like!). Also understand that each of you can be going through stressful changes and what you're arguing about isn't necessarily what the actual problem is. :)
We'll move in together shortly before we're married..logistics and all of merging two households..and because my lease purchase house has to be timed just perfect (according to the contract) when I can leave..we've got it down!
I also have been married before and can second the "mystery" tip. Keep some female grooming habits your little secrets. I personally (and we spend as of now tons of time together when my son has visited his dad) don't let him see me in the shower shaving or doing the tweezer thing (actually I get my eyebrows waxed and the like) and he doesn't watch me put on makeup. I just somehow "magically" exit and look good.
Guys are guys. They're visual. And they like to feel that they're doing a good job being the "guy" and providing and doing things and fixing them. T loves it when I ask him to solve an issue or fix something or move this or that. He just loves it!
Always show respect. NEVER say anything you cannot take back or would always regret. As a divorcee, I can say my x did and said things I just couldn't ever get over. So keep that close to heart and mind.
Wishing everybody here a lifetime together of love and happiness!
I am a night person and he is a morning person. It was really awkward at first and still some days it gets weird. I have learned to mark any food that is off limits (yeah I came home to make chocolate chip cookies for a friends birthday - he had eaten the chocolate chips). I do laundry every 3 weeks and he does it like every 3 days. I have long hair and it sheds - everywhere.
But there will be sweet moments that you won't ever experience before you live together.
-Waking up with cinnamon toast and coffee on the night stand.
-He starts your car for you when its really cold out so it will be warm by the time you get in.
-He talks to the dogs. Its really cute.
-He buys your special "diet" food when he grocery shops not because you told him too but because he noticed you ran out.
There will be ups and downs but just take a deep breath when things start to drive you nuts and remember why you love him and try to see the big picture of life.
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Wow, thank you for all these great tips! I am really looking forward to it, and have already seen several small signs that are kind of cool.
As I mentioned, he is moving in with me, and I have lived here for four years. For a long time, I have encouraged him to think of this place as "ours," even though he is not officially moving in until the end of the month. Up until now, he has always thought of all the chores, decorating, etc. as "my" thing since it was "my" place.
Anyway, we just repainted the living room and now need to replace the window treatments. Before, he would have been standing in Lowe's like, I don't care, it's your thing, do what you want, and can you please hurry up because I don't want to do this anymore. But now he was acting totally different! He (a) picked out the curtain rods; (b) tried to locate them in the shelves; (c) when he realized they were out, he tracked down a salesperson to see if they had any in backstock; (d) when they said that they didn't have any in stock, he asked them to locate some at another store in the area and write down the item number, etc. I know it's such a small thing, but it's really exciting to see him take some ownership in "our home." I should mention that he is so NOT the DIY home-improvement kind of guy, so just the idea of him coming with me to Lowe's is kind of exciting, in itself :)
Thanks again everyone!
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Hello hive!
My FI is moving in with me very soon, and I keep hearing all these things--it's really awesome, it's a cool "step," but watch out, you're going to want to kill each other!
What was your experience like when you moved in with your SO/FI/Husband? What's your best advice?