(Closed) Co-habitation tips

posted 9 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

FI and I moved in together halfway through college and I can’t imagine having it any other way! We really didn’t have any problems at all — although we hadn’t set into any of our own obstinate habits yet. He hasn’t got on my nerves yet, and it’s been three years now.

Advice? I suppose it’s not much different than any roomie situation… be aware of your own moods; it’s easy to fly off the handle about little things when you don’t keep your own emotions or stress from the rest of the day in check. For me at least, sometimes I know I need to just withdraw and cool off alone for a while. And you’ll get even better at reading FI’s moods so you can respond appropriately to each other, I guess. Something like that! Anyway have fun! You’ll love it!

Post # 4
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Congratulations!  It’s such an exciting step!

 My fiance (then boyfriend) and I moved in together after two years of dating – we did one year long distance, one year in the same city and then moved in.  For us it was a fairly smooth transition, though we did have some fights.  The thing is, that there are always going to be some fights, whether you’re living together or not.  The fights that we had just changed subject to house-related matters (like whose turn it was to clean the bathroom).

 I also really think it’s a great idea to live together before you get married because you’ll get a chance to iron out all the living together issues and have your marriage start of without any stress!

Good luck and have fun!

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

we didn’t have any problems when we moved in together. Mostly I was crabby first thing in the morning. He wanted hugs and snuggles and I was like, "ugh, i gotta go to work, let me go". Finally he figured out that the whole morningtime before I’ve had my coffee is not the time to butter me up.

Or, we had one teeny tiny bathroom in an apartment before we got our house, and we’d fight over who go to go to the bathroom first. Not real fight, but like, "cmon, I gotta go real bad and if you go first it’ll smell!" kind of stuff. 

I think as long as you know the boundaries you’re good. I don’t like people talking to me while i’m using the bathroom or stuff like that. He knows it, doesn’t do it, so we’re good! 

I’m a big fan of living together before you’re married too. I’m sure people will flog me for that though

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Before I moved in with my FI (then boyfriend) I had had roommates during college who were all total neat freaks, which I am not.  But I managed to do well enough then to not piss anybody off.  My FI isn’t super tidy either.  So when we moved in together, cleaning was our biggest problem.  We’d each blow things off and then all of a sudden we were living in a pig sty.  If that sounds like something you’re worred about, make a chore chart!!!  It helped us a lot, even if it sounds cheesy. 

Other than that, there wasn’t a lot to deal with.  I’m so glad we moved in together, I feel like it was a great decision for our relationship and made us each grow up a little bit and fight more maturely since I’m not a big believer in someone being left to sleep on the couch.  🙂 

Post # 7
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Even though we had dinner together nearly every night before we moved in together, I didn’t realize how much he ate. I’d go grocery shopping for a week and we’d be out of food in a few days! The first time he ate all my grapes, I got a little upset, but now we have it worked out.

 

Post # 8
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We moved in almost 6 years after dating so we kind of already knew how the other lived.

My tips: If you have any pet peeves, air them out now. Mine was put your dishes in the sink (not even the dishwasher — I’ll settle for the sink). Specifically, I told him, when you have your bowl of cereal in the morning, rinse out the bowl so the little pieces of cereal don’t get stuck from the dried milk. lol. Once I told him, it never happened again!

Also decide your routine for chores. For us, if you load the dishwasher, the other tries to unload it when its done. We’ve been doing our laundry separately because I get a little crazy when it comes to how my clothes are washed. We also tried to do "Sunday Dinners" which were great and a chance for me to try and be domestic. (I say tried because he has been out for job training the last few weeks).

What else….

Oh! I think what makes it the easiest for us is, understanding that you are two people with two lives. I never make an issue if he wants to go out with drinks with his buddies from work (as long as he calls!). We just make a point to spend time with one another but not rearrange our whole schedule for the other. Ya know?

Post # 9
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

After 8 years together, our relationship has faced a lot of changes, being in school, being out of school and being long distance, studying for bar exams,  finally moving in together and living in a tiny apartment to buying our own home and soon thereafter, adopting a puppy.  Each change has brought its own unique set of challenges.  I always say that its just a matter of working out the kinks.  You know you love the other person, you just, as a couple, need to figure out what works and what doesn’t.  The most important thing, as with anything else, is COMMUNICATION.  Let the other person know, in a rational manner, what you like and what you simply can’t tolerate.  On the same token, you have to be willing to compromise and perhaps change or bend some of the things you did when you were living on your own.  If its important to you, you will work it out, it doesn’t take long but it does require work on both of your parts, and when you do, its the best!  

Post # 10
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I will not lie, and I’m not one to sugar coat things either- there will be days you want to off him 

Sometimes he’ll be so under your skin, and it depends on how patient you are as to how you handle it. 

 

Post # 11
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My fiance and I decided to buy a place together after about a year and half of being together. From the very beginning it has been nothing but bliss. Of course you will have your moments of frustration but that happens when living with anyone. Moving in with each other before getting engaged, before marriage is one of the best things we could have done. We have lived together for almost 3 years, and it has been an amazing time together. We have gone through all the pet peeves.. the frustrations.. Now with our wedding quickly approaching I don’t feel as though there’s any learning curve for us. Moving in with each other is a huge step, and we’ve been there, done that. Now we can focus on our future together.

Post # 12
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

We moved in together after 6 years of dating (and we basically stayed at each others’ places for the 2 years before that…)  It was the right choice for us, an exciting step, and I can’t imagine not having experienced it before we got engaged/married.

Tips:  Give each other some space.  Even though you are living together it is important to still make time for your friends/family as an individual. 

Also, don’t expect it to be glamorous!  It’s just like living your normal every day life, except he is always there : ) 

Still make plans with each other (I had the use of the term "date night", but you get the idea) – still go to dinner and go out together and make time for each other in addition to just loafing around on the couch. 

Let each other know what your housekeeping expectations are.  Ie, who is going to clean the bathroom, do grocery shopping, and pay bills?  Some guys assume it will be the gal automatically….not so!  Anyways just talk about it from the outset!

Congrats!

Post # 13
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

My FI and I moved in together about a two months before getting engaged.  Most of the time it is wonderful, but a couple of things to remember…

1.  He is a boy, sometimes "I cleaned it" means something different to him than to you.  For us when I say I did the dishing I mean-dishs, wiped off the counters, put away anything I hand washed and was in the dish drainer…he means-I loaded the dishwasher.

 2.  Talk about stuff.  We talked about pet peeves and chores before we moved in together.  We grew up in different types of homes, his Mom does every chore in her house and I grew up with both parents having responsibilities. 

3.  You will get on each others nerves every once and a while…it’s not a big deal.  Even if you fight sleep in the same bed every night.  If you sleep in the same space you are going to have to touch at some point in the night and that helps keep you connected. 

4.  As you get closer to your wedding, remember more than likely your FI has never been this involved in a big event, he is going to ask lots of questions or at least look at you once asking "do we need this?". 

5.  Make time for your friends to still go out and be social together.  Just because you live together doesn’t mean you have to be with each other 24/7.  I love my time with my girlfriends who are still single. 

 CONGRATS!  Have fun! 

Post # 14
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We’ve been living together for about 7 months now. And it’s been great! We are both super laid back people so it really hasn’t been a problem for either one of us. I thought it would be weird since neither of us had lived with anyone else before (and we’re both in our thirties) but it’s been the most natural thing. We established things like bills and chores but nothing set in stone. We’re flexible. We haven’t even really fought. That’s not to say we get along 100% of the time but we’re good at communicating. And the thing is, our place is very small so we have no choice but to deal with our crap because there’s no whrere to hide. So my advice to you is communicat communicate communicate.

Good luck and enjoy it!

Post # 15
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Definitely, I agree, give him time to do his guy stuff or get together with the guys.  You also need to maintain a relationship with your girlfriends/sister/family.  Get that massage, mani/pedi, etc.! 

Also, if there are any big money purchases you would like to make, discuss it with him.  You are engaged, planning to legally bond yourself in the future on paper and making some ridiculous spending could cause problems.  Of course you don’t have to ask before you buy everything, but establish a cut off….anything over $100?  Or even more?  Depends on your spending styles.

Post # 16
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We started living together by accident.  He needed a place to stay until he could find another apt. So, I told him he could crash w/ me until he found another place.  Well that was a year and a half ago (I don’t even think he really looked for another place!!). 

He is a very clean and a "morning" person, and I am not, so initially this caused some problems.  My advice is the second something irks you slightly TELL him.  He’ s not a mind reader, just let him know in a nice way.  I find that prevents little things from escalating into bigger things.  Just give each other some space to do your own thing every once in a while and you should be fine.

 Good luck!

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