- 5 years ago
I got married a couple of months ago. My husband and I were engaged for two years. I have several close friends but two friends that I feel very close to. I also want to point out they do not know each other really well and have only met a few times because of me. I had known “Regina” for 15 years, since middle school and even though we haven’t always stayed close over the years we have always still considered each other best friends. I was also her maid of honor ten years ago. My other friend “Mary” and I have been friends for about 12 years, and have always been super close. Before I met Mary, Regina and I had talked about being each others MOH. But there was a span of a few years we grew apart and I became really close to Regina. Regina and I also talked about being eachothers MOH. I felt it made sense at the time because we were closer and I hardly talked or saw Regina for a few years. Well fast forward about 5 years, friend Mary moved three states away and even though we continued to talk on the phone and visit eachother I also started becoming closer to my long time friend Regina. Mary and I also ended up becoming engaged only a few months apart. She was engaged first and asked me to be her MOH, which I happily accepted. When I became engaged I knew I had managed to get myself into a sticky situation because I had two friends expecting me to ask them to be my MOH. I gave it A LOT OF THOUGHt AND CONSIDERATION but ultimately decided I wanted them both to be my MOH. I also thought that since Regina lived so far away it would take some of the pressure and responsiblity off of her. When I told both of them they were sharing the job I could tell they weren’t thrilled but they said Yes anyways.
Mary had talked to me a couple of times about how she was upset about being co MOH, but I tried the best I could to explain to her how close I felt to both of them and just couldn’t choose. So the wedding comes and for the most part it seems like everyone is making best of the situation. My husband and I get married, and everything was amazing:)
Now it’s two months later and I receive an email from Mary. Come to find out she is still furious with having to be CO MOH. She accused me of not really being her friend, and I only gave her the CO title out of pity. She also accused me of not treating them equally and she felt it was clear I liked my other friend better. She listed a whole lists of everything Regina did vs.what Mary did. She was also really mad that Regina was the one who stood next to me and not her. (side note: it was not a traditional wedding. I had Mary be my witness when we had the jewish ceremony and had her sign the jewish contract and I had Regina stand next to me during the vow ceremony).
After I read the email, I was shell shocked. I could not believe she was still THAT upset over everything. I had the purest of intentions and never meant to make anyone feel that way. I am also so furious at her for all this. Furious that she is accusing me of all these horrible things. I bent over backwards explaining to her why I decided to have both of them. I even made sure I gave her a special gift and card for thanking her for everything she was doing, she was mad that the thank you card wasn’t more special and was mad that I didn’t go on and on with how much I appreciated her.
I knew she wasn’t happy about sharing the title but I honestly thought she was an adult and mature enough to handle everything.
So I guess why I’m writing to the rest of you is because I’m not even sure what to do at this point. She has put our friendship on trial and I’m mad that I feel like I’m going to have to defend absolutley everything I did.
Another reason I’m so mad at her is because she got married just over a year ago. She should know and understand how crazy things get on and before a wedding. If she felt I wasn’t giving her enough attention or thanking her enough for everything she was doing it was only because of how overwhelming it all is.
Thoughts? Thank you for your help!