Post # 1
My FI and I work for the same company, and have been there several years. We have grown close with some of our co-workers who have also been there a while and consider them good friends. There are quite a few employees in our workplace, many of which we don’t know all that well.
That being said, we are inviting about 25% of our co-workers who we actually are close with. STD’s have gone out, and those who are invited know (and will do a good job) of not mentioning it at work – we don’t want to exclude anyone, but for budget ( and yes, personal preference ) we cannot invite everyone we work with.
Turns out one of our younger co-workers has moved in with one of our (invited) co-workers temporarily, and saw our STD lying around.
She made a comment to me today about how she ‘never gets invited to anything’ (which at the time I thought she was solely referring to a girls night get together that happened the other day).
Well my FI just told me he ran into her at work today and she point blank asked him “Am I going to get invited”? He was caught totally off guard and somehow skirted the subject for now.
I was honestly irritated at first because I would never fish for an invite like that, but then I reminded myself, she is relatively young and I’ve always thought she was a bit naive.
Now I just feel bad. I honestly had no intention of inviting her, but I guess I could. I just hate feeling guilty but we aren’t paying for our wedding and I feel bad adding and adding to our guest list.
What should I do? Mabye I’ll add a poll.
Post # 3
Fiance and I are inviting people from work. I really wish we weren’t now, because fiance just went nuts inviting people that he ‘liked’ at worked but has never really spent any social time with. We initially had a rule of “people that we spend time with outside of work are invited” but with fiance’s eagerness, that blew out of proportion really quickly.
Long story short, I don’t think you should invite this girl if you don’t know her or aren’t that close to her. Not only because it adds to your guest list, but also because then you have no reason not to invite others. Draw a line in the sand and stick to it.
Post # 4
If by “has moved in with one of our (invited) co-workers temporarily” you mean in a non-romantic sense (i.e. house sharing with a girl), then no, don’t invite her. The problem with inviting one person who fishes for an invite, is that you set a precedent. I can just imagine someone else thinking “Why is she invited when I’ve worked with them longer?”
Of course if by “move in with” you mean in a romantic sense, then she gets an invite as the invited person’s partner.
In answer to the poll, I’d choose the last option (explain we can’t invite everyone) but only if she brings it up again.
Post # 5
Thanks, you two just affirmed what I was already feeling. Yep, just two female roommates, not significant others. I really really hope she doesn’t ask again but I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s nice enough, but I don’t think she realizes how that’s kind of rude.
Post # 6
Maybe she also doesn’t realise that only a few ppl from are invited and most are not as she saw a STD at her roommate/coworkers place. I wouldn’t invite her and hope she doesn’t bring it up again but if she does just explain really sorry but limited budget and venue space and we can only invite a few friends from work
Post # 7
I would ignore it for now, but if she brings it up again, tell her that you had to make some tough cuts and unfortunately, there just wasn’t space to include everyone. Since she is a newer coworker and you had more of a relationship with the others, you had to make hard calls and cut somewhere.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
I had someone ask me if they were invited “all day instead of just the evening like at so-and-so’s”. I’d actually thought So-and-so had been totally reasonable only asking us all for the evening – we’re a large group who trained together as teachers, and we don’t see each other that often. I was a bit annoyed at that dig, particularly because she never speaks to me outside of events like the Christmas meal (where she asked, which I organised). But I just told her that we’re not sure on numbers, as both FH and I have large families, so obviously they get priority.
It’s amazing how people suddenly think they’re much more important in your lives than they actually are once you start planning a wedding, especially if they then don’t make an effort to prove that.
I’d hope she doesn’t mention it again, certainly don’t invite her, but if she does just explain to her your number limits – put emphasis on family, no-one can argue with that!