Co-worker kisses the children at a daycare… What do I do?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
492 posts
Helper bee

It probably is innapropriate, i’m a nurse and don’t go kissing my paediatric patients! – You obviously feel that it is wrong, so you should mention it to your boss.  She doesn’t have to know who has complained.  Your boss will make the decision to take it further or not.  

Post # 3
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

eveline:  how is she a stranger if she takes care of these kids all day, every day. Now, a weirdo walking up on the street kisses my baby, I’ll get pissed, but a daily caregiver? Its not like she’s slopping on their mouths, its a peck on the cheek.

My little man adores his dcp. He calls her ‘Nana’, and always hugs/kisses hello and goodbye. She even has movie time, where she sits with the kids, and they all fight for snuggles. I think its sweet, and I’d rather have someone loving watching my child, than someone who looks at my child as nothing more than a paycheck. 

Also, a pediatric nurse is not the same as a DAILY caregiver.

Post # 4
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

How do you know the owner has never seen your coworker kiss the children if you only work at the daycare once a week?

Post # 5
Member
492 posts
Helper bee

 

MrsBagel:  We have kids that can stay in hospital for very long periods of time, or kids that have multiple presentations.  Some would calssify us as daily caregivers!! Just a different opinion, that is all.

Post # 6
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

LittleKBee:  your view may be right, but I would think working with kids you’d get a super soft spot, otherwise, why do it? You’ve never hugged a long term patient goodbye when they go home? If you consider yourself a daily caregiver, do you not get to know the kids and their families? Shit, my son is in the hospital almost every month. We know all of the nurses on the floor he goes to. They all come over, say hi, give hugs, and *gasp* some even give a quick peck. 

My point is, a dcp,is, IMO way different than a medical care provider. Different environment and circumstance. So if you’re not comfy getting too close, I get that. But a dcp is almost a replacement mommy or daddy during most days.

Post # 7
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Where is you coworker from? There are some cultures where giving a child a kiss is a normal sign of a greeting. I’m not saying it’s right but there may be a reason behind it.

Post # 8
Member
492 posts
Helper bee

MrsBagel:  The OP has not really specified when this person is kissing the children.  Is it when she is greeting them, or saying goodbye I wonder.  If it is just at random times and often (which it must be, as she was concerned enough to post), then I do not think it is right.  Of course I have hugged patients good bye, and like instances with your son, have greeted regular patients when they come to hospital (if they are initiating it), and comforted babies and children for hours when their parents aren’t around.  I personally don’t feel comfortable kissing them though for various reasons.  Everyone has different opinions.  Some would probably react differently too, if it was a male caregiver doing the kissing!! 

Post # 9
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you really take such issue with it then bring it up to the boss. Since you’re not there full time, maybe the boss can fill you in on how things are when you’re not around. Like PPs have mentioned, there are daily caregivers that kids get attached to. I’ve known kids to call the daycare employees Aunt Whateverhernameis.

There could also be some underlying issues in your past that might make you uncomfortable with what you’re seeing. I wouldn’t project that onto a co-worker without knowing all angles. Talk to the boss.

Post # 10
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

eveline:  was appropriate interaction covered at all during your training/induction? Do you have an employee manual? This sort of stuff should have been covered when you began your employment. If it wasn’t maybe it is an opportune time to bring that issue up with your boss so that the company/organisation can make a policy decision on what they deem is appropriate for employees to do. 

Otherwise it is a bit unfair to report your colleague (unless you think abuse is involved of course) over something that hasn’t been clarified clearly by the company you work for. As others have mentioned it may be common to do this where she comes from, in past employment or her culture Just like it is uncommon for you.

 

Post # 11
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think there’s really enough information here for us to judge. I volunteeered in a school once for a short time and it was difficult sometimes – we knew that we weren’t allowed to touch the children anywhere other than on their arms, but sometimes little kids run up to you and hug you and then what are you supposed to do.. push them away? Small children are often affectionate and it’s difficult for us to tell you what to do from this post – we weren’t there, we don’t know why she was kissing them on the cheek or how often it happens or anything like that. If she’s doing it way too often or being in appropriate in any other way I’d report it, but otherwise I’m not sure.. maybe just mention to her that it might be inappropriate, but if you don’t get ‘weird’ vibes from her otherwise I guess I wouldn’t worry.

Post # 12
Member
829 posts
Busy bee

eveline:  you work there 1 day a week- how many days does the other girl work there? she’s probably grown strong bonds with these kids, especially if they’re in daycare all day-everyday they probably hang out with her as much or more than their own mother. I don’t see anything wrong with a kiss on the CHEEK. Kids are cute, and they thrive with affection. I’m sure it’s not in a sexual manner, especially if the kids are happy about it. It’s not like she’s forcing kisses on them, right? My only real concern would be germs spreading like the flu.

Can you seriously say you’ve never hugged and kissed someone else’s baby, or someone else’s dog or cat? It just happens, they’re cute and you want to love them.

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think you need to speak to your boss. They need to decide whether to take it further, whether the staff member/s have been properly trained, and what’s ok in this specific situation. If it’s making you question it then do yourself a favour and say something, at least it won’t play on your mind.

Surely she can play with them and teach them and keep them safe without kissing them? So why do it?  

Personally, I don’t think this is ok. I work in adult social care, and I really do appreciate it’s a diffcult line when you care for someone and are with them for much of the day. It’s a confusing line between work and friend and family. BUT it isn’t a social situation and you are not their family. 

Cynically she is opening herself up to allegations of abuse, even if they are unfounded. Depending on the age of the children they might mention it at home, and things get misunderstood. 

Also depending on the age of the children they may not be able to say no, or physically move away if they don’t like it. And it might seem like favourtism if she’s picking and choosing.

Post # 14
Member
885 posts
Busy bee

I work with children and when you are with the same children every day you form such a bond with them. I’ve never kissed any of the children I work with but I dont think its that strange on the cheek. I spend all day every day with them- I spend more time with some of them then their parents do. Yesterday a little girl was dropped off without a goodbye from her mom and so the little girl ran straight to me with her arms open. I’m more like their aunt to some than I am to my nieces and nephews so its not all that inappropriate in my opinion. 

Having said that I still wouldnt kiss them – just because some parents may find it odd and I respect that. As PP said it is opening yourself up to allegations even if unfounded. And even if the boss thinks its normal and fine, she may get fired or in trouble because a parent demands it and the boss cant risk tarnishing the daycare name. I think before speaking to your boss you should speak to the co-worker. Say something like ‘do you always kiss the children- dont you worry that a parent may complain?’ – She probably isnt even aware that some people would find it inappropriate and when reminded she may realise the danger in it and stop. Or she may say that she knows the parents and they are okay with it which is probably true but worth checking. Theres no need to get her in (what could be) trouble if its purely innocent. BUT if she continues after being told that it could lead to allegations – or you suspect it to be more than innocent then you should definitely report it to your boss. 

Post # 15
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

I work in childcare and sometimes the kids come up and demand a kiss before they go home. I always just give them a big hug and quick peck on the cheek because not doing that can make them upset. Also, I know which parents and children are okay with it and which would not be. We aren’t complete strangers. We’re often together for longer than they are with their parents, we know their siblings and sometimes even their grandparents.

I’m not saying I go around doing that all day but kids love hugs and I give lots of those during the day. Some people don’t have such a huge distinction between hugs and kisses and don’t see one as being worse/”more” than the other.

Also without any kind of context to the situation – not even the kids’ age – it is impossible to judge whether or not it is appropriate.

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