(Closed) COLD FEET!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

It really concerns me that you find it a plausable situation for your FI to “not let you” take care of your mother in the future, or that he would make you choose between them…

I think your instinct to see a therapist is a good one-it will be helpful for you to talk with someone who is not invested (what i mean is he/she would not be biased on either your family’s side, nor your FI’s side) and it may give you some clarity- or at least more validation to go ahead with what it seems you know is right…

Good luck to you.

Post # 5
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Mya Rose: These are big issues that need to be resolved before you get married- if you are going to marry him. Get yourself to a counselor.

Post # 6
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I may be wrong but from what you descrided and reading some of your other threads it seems as if your FI is a very commanding and demanding person, and i see some very serious issues here. You are afraid of talking with him about certain things and say that he gets very upset and tells you to shut up, and you do. That kind of behaviour is not ok, and it is not the way an engaged couple should treat each other. You are already afraid that he forbids you to take care of your mother and makes you choose between her and him. That kind of behaviour sounds very alarming to me, you are not his property! Moreover you are already questioning your realtionship/marriage and are even thinking about a divorce before getting married. That alone is reason enough for me to say that you should urgently get professional advice before getting married!

Post # 8
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Mya Rose: I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. My suggestion is to go away someplace all by yourself; maybe just the next town and stay in a hotel for a couple of days to just think about what you really want. Don’t have any contact with anyone in your life. It’s okay to tell them where you will be, but let them know that you just need a couple days away from everything, so you can get things straight in your head.

Post # 9
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

🙁 thats reallly complicatred and confusing! 🙁 i really hope it all works out ok for you!

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you have every reason to be worried! I hate to say it, but I really don’t think you should go through with the wedding. It doesn’t sound like your fiance has any respect for you and your mother, and he allows his parents to disrespect both of you as well! Please do not go back to him or put the wedding back on. Yes, cancelling a wedding is hard, but a lifetime of being treated this way will be worse – especially once there are children in the picture.

 

Be strong, have the courage to not go back to him, and I truly believe that someday you will look back on this with relief that you did the right thing to allow you lots of happiness in the future.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mya Rose: Assuming that they don’t take returns, you go pick the dress up and then put it up for sale on oncewed, recycledbride, etc.

Post # 13
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have a similar situation that my parents are paying for half of the wedding and FI’s mom isnt becuase it’s just her and she doesn’t really have money.

A little back story, FI has always been a mommas boy. We’ve had countless fights about this and it wasnt until one day that I put my foot down and said that one day I will not be there to put up with his crap did he change.

Its obvious that you are not number one in his life. If you are going to be his wife, he needs to consider how you feel and admit when he is or his parents are in the wrong. Everyone’s econimical status is not the same and they are no one to belittle your family.

I think you are doing the right thing in leaving. He does not value you or your relationship enough to respect you or your mother and stand up for you in front of his parents. Things will only get worse.

I hope you make the right decision that is in your heart and think of how detrimental this man can be in your life knowing that he does not respect you.

Hugs! If you need anything we’re here for you. BE STRONG!

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