(Closed) Cold Feet Anyone?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh sweetie!  You will not be losing your family, you will just be adding to it and creating your own little family unit!

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I think that you should watch the movie “Father of the Bride.” The version with Steve Martin. It deals with the feelings that you are having. Also it sounds like the fears you are having stem from growing up. We all have to eventually grow up, move out and be self-reliant adults. Getting married younger pushes or should push you out of the door quicker but you will still have your family. Getting married involves so many emotions. It’s normal and good that you have them. You also might want to take advantage of seeing a therapist at some point during your long engagement. I did while I was engaged and it was GREAT! She listened to everything I said and didn’t judge me but she did give me tips on how to handle certain things. I just felt like I had someone who I could talk to without without worrying that they’d tell someone else.

Post # 5
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is a totally normal feeling! I totally recommend reading “The Conscious Bride”. I just finished it today, and it discusses all of the “dark” feelings no one really talks about regarding the journey to becoming a wife. There is a whole section that deals grieving the changes in the relationships with your parents.

Good luck! This is not an emotionally easy time for the bride-to-be, even though we’re led to believe we’re supposed to be blissfully happy all the time.

Post # 6
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I felt this way when I graduated high school and went away to college.  Do you live with your parents?

I agree that it sounds like your fears stem from growing up, rather than getting married to your fiance.  Your relationship with your parents will change as you grow.  It is sometimes hard to figure out how to have an adult relationship with a parent.  Things will be different, but it can be a positive thing!

If you do live with your parents, I would suggest moving out and spending some time on your own or with roommates before getting married and/or moving in with your FH.  I think it is important to have your independence and your own identity and sense of self before you get married…. try not to go from being “daughter” to “wife” with nothing inbetween.

Post # 8
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Regardless of what age you get, you will always be your parents’ little girl. 

And…you won’t be losing your family.  Getting married doesn’t mean trading your family for your husband.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  You are adding to your family, not taking away from it.

Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Totally second the PP who suggested “The Conscious Bride”.  She dedicates an entire section on leaving your ‘family of origin’, a.k.a your parents, to begin a family of your own.  Even though this time is really exciting for you and you’re gaining a spouse, you’re also dealing with the loss of something in essence – the family that you’ve known your entire life. Your feelings are so, so normal. Check out the website too – ConsciousWeddings.com and Conscious-Transitions.com.

Good luck!

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