Weddingbee boards

I post somewhat regularly but wanted to create a new name because I'm not really sure how to deal with this.  FI and I have been together for almost 7 years now, and we've always had a good, solid relationship.  We have gone through some pretty rough patches (health issues on my part, relocations and job changes, etc) and have always managed to work through them.  I know that we don't have the "perfect" relationship and that he is not the "perfect" guy, but overall I've been content with him and with the relationship over the past 7 years.  I've been really proud of what we've built together and I have felt like we have a really deep and solid love.

However, in the past few weeks this has been changing.  I'm suddenly really scared about "Marriage" and it doesn't make sense to me because we've been together for 7 years, have lived together for 5, have a dog and cat together...it's like we've already been married!  Now, though, "for the rest of my life" seems really terrifying.  I feel like I can't stop focusing on his flaws (and I feel so bad because they're usually stupid things, like his posture or how he chews his food!).  There are some bigger concerns too.  When we first started dating, I knew we were very different.  He's very straightforward, happy, and not to introspective or thoughtful (he is thoughtful when it comes to things like taking out the trash or cleaning or buying me little random gifts, but not about things like current events or anything).  I sometimes think too much, I like to have deeper, more serious conversations, etc.  A lot of the times it's a good balance because he reminds me not to overthink, not to sweat the small stuff, look on the bright side, etc.  But lately I've been thinking that I wish he was a little more introspective or "deep."  I know this sounds mean, but I can't help it.  We've always had our issues, but suddenly they seem to be so HUGE.

I've also been having dreams about ex-boyfriends and thinking about them a lot more than I ever have in my whole relationship!  I will pick out a few things that I miss about them and then start wondering what it would be like if I had made that choice instead.  I know rationally that I am idealizing them but is this normal, or is this a sign that I should not be getting married??

Another thing, we recently bought a house (like, two weeks ago and are going through escrow and all that).  I just feel really overwhelmed with all the change.  Plus, we are the only ones in our circle of friends who are getting married (we're both 30) and buying a house and "settling down."  I live in LA and with housing prices being so crazy expensive, it's not very common for people our age to own houses...a part of me just feels like I'm getting really old really fast and that this is FOREVER. 

Is this normal?  I've been feeling panicked and stressed and scared, please help!

Also, I've been really feeling like I will miss being single (even though I haven't been single for soooo long).  I feel like I'll miss the thrill of dating, meeting new guys, sleeping/getting physical with other guys (sorry, not to be raunchy but you know what I mean!).  It's just so weird to me because I've never really felt this way before.  I don't know if this is normal or a sign?

Thank you so much everyone.  It's comforting to see that I'm not alone.  It's been hard for me because I have tried telling my friends how I feel and they are all happy for me (which is great), but they just say, "you should be happy, this is such an exciting time in your life, you have a house and you're getting married!"  It is exciting, but I also feel anxious, scared, and sad about all of it too.  I'm happy, but I'm also all of those other things too and I don't know what to do. 

Thanks for your input and for making me feel normal!

Thanks so much everyone.  I have started Emotionally Engaged and one thing is really freaking me out.  The book has a section about questions to ask if you really have cold feet or if it's more serious.  One of the questions was, Have you ever imagined calling off the wedding and how do you feel when you think about it?  In the past two weeks, I have imagined calling off the wedding and a lot of times I feel relief!!  This really worries me because the book said that if you feel relief and if you have imagined calling off the wedding, maybe it's something more serious.  I feel relieved because then it's not "forever," I don't have to deal with everything, etc.  Sometimes I just really wish that we could go back to being young and carefree, and boyfriend/girlfriend instead of getting married, dealing with escrow and mortgages and all that, thinking of starting a family.  I have known for quite some time that I am very conflicted about getting older and "settling down."

And I can imagine life without him...I mean, I would be very sad and would miss him but life would go one.  Before, whenever I thought of something bad happening to him/him dying I would get all teary and start crying.  In these past two weeks, I keep on thinking about everything I would miss about my "own" life and wondering what it would be like to date other people and being sad that I never will again.  Is this normal??

Last night my fiance and I had a talk about our relationship.  I just feel like we haven't had fun in such a long time.  We're both really busy with work, and I feel like when we do see each other we just talk about what we need to do for the house and wedding planning and money issues.  We just have so much going on, and so many changes.  It's so stressful.  He thinks that this is having a big impact on our relationship.

Like someone else said, everyone thinks that being engaged is such a happy, exciting time.  It is, but it's also so stressful, scary, and sad.  I just hope that these new feelings go away soon.  Thanks again for making me feel less alone about this.