- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
I post somewhat regularly but wanted to create a new name because I’m not really sure how to deal with this. Fiance and I have been together for almost 7 years now, and we’ve always had a good, solid relationship. We have gone through some pretty rough patches (health issues on my part, relocations and job changes, etc) and have always managed to work through them. I know that we don’t have the “perfect” relationship and that he is not the “perfect” guy, but overall I’ve been content with him and with the relationship over the past 7 years. I’ve been really proud of what we’ve built together and I have felt like we have a really deep and solid love.
However, in the past few weeks this has been changing. I’m suddenly really scared about “Marriage” and it doesn’t make sense to me because we’ve been together for 7 years, have lived together for 5, have a dog and cat together…it’s like we’ve already been married! Now, though, “for the rest of my life” seems really terrifying. I feel like I can’t stop focusing on his flaws (and I feel so bad because they’re usually stupid things, like his posture or how he chews his food!). There are some bigger concerns too. When we first started dating, I knew we were very different. He’s very straightforward, happy, and not to introspective or thoughtful (he is thoughtful when it comes to things like taking out the trash or cleaning or buying me little random gifts, but not about things like current events or anything). I sometimes think too much, I like to have deeper, more serious conversations, etc. A lot of the times it’s a good balance because he reminds me not to overthink, not to sweat the small stuff, look on the bright side, etc. But lately I’ve been thinking that I wish he was a little more introspective or “deep.” I know this sounds mean, but I can’t help it. We’ve always had our issues, but suddenly they seem to be so HUGE.
I’ve also been having dreams about ex-boyfriends and thinking about them a lot more than I ever have in my whole relationship! I will pick out a few things that I miss about them and then start wondering what it would be like if I had made that choice instead. I know rationally that I am idealizing them but is this normal, or is this a sign that I should not be getting married??
Another thing, we recently bought a house (like, two weeks ago and are going through escrow and all that). I just feel really overwhelmed with all the change. Plus, we are the only ones in our circle of friends who are getting married (we’re both 30) and buying a house and “settling down.” I live in LA and with housing prices being so crazy expensive, it’s not very common for people our age to own houses…a part of me just feels like I’m getting really old really fast and that this is FOREVER.
Is this normal? I’ve been feeling panicked and stressed and scared, please help!