Have you been intimate lately? A lot of the time the stress of planning the wedding can make you forget that you still have to work on the romance. Why don't you plan a romantic night or weekend together and see how you feel after?
Put down the wedding plans and work on your relationship. Forget the venue, the dishes, your laundry. Forget issues with family, or anything else you need to do in the world and just have some down time with your fiance. Go on a date and see if that rekindles anything. Go see a movie, go to dinner, a play, a concert, anything.
Do something that doesn't involve the wedding.
This article that was published recently on HuffPo might be helpful to you:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/marriage-is-a-workinprogr_b_2475331.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings
I think, if you're confident that you still look forward to being married to your FI, that's a good sign. If you are ambivalent about the marriage itself, then it's worth asking yourself some serious questions. Try to set the wedding aside entirely for the moment and just think about your feelings about *marriage* with this person - that's the real question to ask yourself at this juncture.
@britK89: Relationships do not maintain that new romance spark for more than a year or two. The spark is exciting and part of every new relationship but over time that spark will die down and your relationship will become more of a partnership with moments of spark here and there.
I prefer the intimate, comfortable relationship that develops after the spark dies down a bit. Does it mean you should think of your FH as your brother? No. Are you unattracted to your FH or just missing the spark? Do you have a relationship with your FH other than the spark? Do you share common interests (hobbies other than sex) and common goals regarding your expectations for marriage, children, living arrangements, etc...?
I agree with PP that you should try to figure out whether you are just nervous or there is an actual concern regarding your impending marriage and married life?
You need to get down to it, but I think a lot of brides can identify with you. I can't say I felt exactly like you, but I did find myself so consumed with planning and getting edgy when things didn't go well that DH kind of kept his distance. A few months before the wedding I pretty much said f this and started letting things work themselves out and focused on DH and I, eating together, watching movies, and not talking wedding as much as possible.
@KCKnd2: Thanks for posting that article! I came to this thread looking for a little comfort for a couple of my own anxieties and after reading that and the other replies I feel so much better.
@beachbride1216: We do have some similar hobbies interests, but dont do them to often.
We both really like photograhy, hiking and outdoor activities. We have the same goals in life.
Alot of our interests are quite different tho. He's kind of a computer nerd most of the time. he spends ALOT of time on the computer. Me not as much, I would much rather get out of the house and do something else. I am a HUGE animal lover, while he is alergic to everything that moves...So there is a big interest and love of mine that he cant be a part of. arguements have become of that in the past. I try not to talk about it anymore.
I wish I could say its just the spark missing, but I dont really enjoy the sex so much lately :/
I know this whole post seems bad, but I REALLY want to make this work, I dont want to give up. Im hoping its just a phase.
I've been with my SO over three years and been friends for over 10. He's the only one I've ever wanted and been with. There are still days though were the spark isn't there. Alot of couples go through phases were their emotions and feelings go up and down. Sometimes I worry and have my moments but then I relax and regroup. Right now we are away from each other because of school and I think that was the best thing for us. It made us realize that we still want to be with each other and we want to keep the romance alive.
I think you should take some time away from planning the wedding and focus on you two for awhile. You could be just nervous and stressed out for now because of the planning. Go out for a movie, dinner, or do something spontaneous for the two of you.
@KCKnd2: Thanks for the actricle, was a good read and made me feel a little better :)
Argh... I think so many people can identify with this. I went through a short period where I felt very distant from FI a while back. It stemmed from several things.
- Planning a wedding is horribly stressful. You spend your whole life getting negative feedback, and what feels like zero support.
- His response to the stress of this is to hide, but he will eventually reach a point where fear of ******* up the wedding will outweigh this, and at that point then he will start giving you more positive feedback, and you will start making decisions together.
- As he gives you feedback, you wll finally feel as if you are a team once more.
Ask yourself this question: do you want not to be married to him, or do you not want a wedding? If your answer is "I want to be married, but I don't want a wedding any more... I just want it to be over" then this is your answer... it's the stress and misery of planning a wedding which is getting to you, rather than any serious issues within the relationship itself. In that case, the solution is to come clean and say that to him! You may find that he feels the same way, and then you can bond over that and start communicating again.
Yesterday, FI and I were saying that planning a wedding is probably good for couples, because it's so stressful that it's either a "kill or cure"... it either shoves you together or apart! But I think the idea that it's a blissful process which makes you more in love than ever is a complete and total myth!
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Bee going anonymous.I dont know if this is normal, Maybe its just stress of planning a wedding.Maybe its just stress of living in a new city.Maybe we just got to comfurtable with eachother.Maybe this is just what marriage is like?
Im afraid that the love is dying(or has). I feel like this should be the best time of my life(our life), but I feel more stressed, scared and worried then ever, escecially as its getting closer, less then 4months away.
Im so confused I dont even know what I feel anymore, I havent got that feeling of being in love in what feels like forever. We have been together a few years, but recently(mainly after getting engaged) I just feel like feelings for eachother have slowly faded.When we're together lately, I feel like he's more of...like a sibling, if that makes since.I love him very much, and I dont know how to live without him, but here lately that seems in more of a family way. There isnt really a spark any more.
I have never felt so torn, I would never want to leave him, I couldnt imagine hurting him in that way. And I cant imagine my life without him. But here lately it scares the crap out of me, cant stop thinking that I wont ever have that feeling of love.Im tired of wedding planning.And everytime we do it together, He gets so cranky, I mean I know this isnt a guys cup of tea.But seriously, like everytime we have a day of doing wedding stuff we get so frustrated with eachother and cranky. I wish we could have fun doing this together.I feel selfish in a way that we're having a wedding, I wish it could have just been a small wedding.
I just want to get it over with.
Maybe Im just freaking out because its coming up so close now? almost everything is paid for and everybody knows about it. Cant back out now.Im scared to talk about this with him, I dont want to ruin the day for him.And im not saying I dont want the day to happen, alot of the time im super excited about it myself. But here lately its slowly just starting to scare me.
I have always wanted marriage, couldnt wait for it, and I knew I wanted to marry him since I met him. Why is it freaking me out so badly now?I cant help but notice happy couples when out in public, And I feel so envious of what they have. Me and my FI feel so old sometimes, It feels like we have been married for years.
I have never been so equally torn in all my life, I just cant make since of what is the right thing to do. I cant help but think this could be a mistake, but how chilish and selfish must I be to cancel a wedding this for into planning(and this much money spent on it) I dont necessarily want to break up with FI, just wish we had more time before marriage now. But if we cancelled the wedding, we would surely break up.
Maybe I should stop worring about it so much, It could all be better after we're married and all this wedding stuff is out of the way.
I dont know what im expecting you guys to say, but I have nobody to talk to about how im feeling. Because I dont really want anybody to know. I dont want people to judge me, I dont want people to tell me what to do, its easier said then done.